Some thots before sleep during ASMR by pigsbum53. I listened to a man sing a song on youtube. His name is Thomas Baxter. Winter in Canada. I left him a comment. There must be even lonelier people than me. There must be many people just like me, who record their thots somehow like this. And people who have made even more digital files... Where is this blog actually stored. There must be a physical space wherefrom I access these years of words. Hmmmmmmm, phisics.. Meaning, Self... Moving, electric, person, growing, learning, becoming, demanding.

Anything. I feel surges across my skin, nervousness, excitement, relaxation, resolve, humanity, conscience, ... I want to be more personal. I want to be more myself. I want to have more control... I tell Stacy that all the time. I really cannot let myself do stupid things anymore. I will own my mistakes and fix them, fix the causes... Goddamn Cornelius, we had a nice talk, he said he'll really miss me, because I am a genuine guy. I worked up the courage to thank him and talk a bit... God... I thought about why it makes me want to cry... I asked myself what the problem is. I want to know why I am afraid. I want to know why we act this way. I want to know why these things seem natural. I saw a woman and walked into the backroom at Sprouts. I felt that life was a video game. I was just too detached. This supermarket was just as ridiculous as a video game. All these orders and obstacles... Just so unquestioned... It's insane. It's a deep rut in history. I really need to go to the farms with Aaron. I just want to talk with him again. I still have to slow down. Meditation, relaxation. Reflection. Judgement. Decision. Action. I can behave how I believe. I will, will, Human Will.

God is an animal. Blood is new food. I am a gobbler of new technology. I am wishbone activist. I am scolding Teapioca Residential Manager... Waste is deep hole. Waste is a lost world. Waste is my biggest fear. Time is my most persistent antagonist. I struggle to conclude. I beat on the inner walls. Permanent. Loss. Complete defeat, scorching regret. I am positive I am ion. Hubris... Why I am I a weird word?

Correct, Simple, Turbulent, Night. After Effect, Slow Reel, Movie Excellence. Where is it gone? Why don't I...................................................................................................................................................................................................................... just can't just think. Rotten Core. I stared at Vines Today. I wondered. Jesus And Mary Chain and Dean and Foooood? Many dumb angles... Many repeated results of a failed experiment.........

Lost, lone. Woods. Perfect village wanderer. Capitalism. Parade, magazine, trash, litter, puppies, career, union job, trash cans, dumpsters, land fills, vegetable gardens, human sphincters and shit, sewers, toxic lake, human vomit, man hole, utopia. Umbilical, sever, gross, grow up, adult, develop, human Being, acknowledgment. Hula hoop, pubic bone, holly Krishna, magical specter, divine Being.

Cross imagine... Criss cross, Human Belonging... Linger... Growth Bravery surprise success. Tennis class. Human connection, human condition, Human understanding, Human discovery of human purpose, universal actuality, sunrise, new day, superhero, hurry, understand, fall away the bad habits, need the wonder, impassable beauty, uncompromising way of living in tune with the unforeseeable future, Good Is Good, what is this, where will it go, what do I do, what is good. Efficient and beneficial. Improving. Solid, steady, safe. Appreciative. Grateful. Loving. Caring. Honest. Having. Owning. Sharing. Reasonable. Kind. Motivated. Kids. Kissing. Attraction. Power. Supine. Science. Life long, lasting, open, intense, infinite, school, Process. Grind up the meat. Put it in a tube. Leaving, leaving, human, father, owner, purest protecter. Obvious, alone, surreal, above, out there, ever present, consistent. Up bouncing. Cool retard recess. Best Person to do work on this subject, a surface, a table, a lamp, a lantern, a heat energy light chemistry. I have eyes. Person seeing. Person inside. A right way. An untraveled route. Bastrop Intermediate School Athletic Field trees old neglected wooden shack, Arriving at the instant forever, sign /O, SLAP! FUSION     never the same, flowing flowing flow