Fidgeting with Dad, Oh, I'm getting dumb!
Dawn in puberty
Realised cudgel
True Fact
False Truth
Made up decision
Real Lord deigning control
Sue sounds
Inner ear jostle
Jumble Rumble Throw Up
Birth Barf Slough Trough Sticky Fluid
In your throat in your goat
Best way to get out
Sum up
Cross Section
Interrupt Mid-Process
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Friday, June 27, 2014
You know I feel scared, when you say that I'm not real.
I don't feel, like I'm not real.
Everywhere unda tha sun, and again unda tha moon.
Maybe nature is so beautiful because it is always reaching its full potential. Humans are more complex because they have a choice and it is difficult. Or maybe nature is beautiful because it is innocent. So part of a human is innocent, the animal part. The human part has responsibility, mainly to itself, but we hardly ever take it.
I'm not gonna change, for her. It's good-er for me.
Same
I don't feel, like I'm not real.
Everywhere unda tha sun, and again unda tha moon.
Maybe nature is so beautiful because it is always reaching its full potential. Humans are more complex because they have a choice and it is difficult. Or maybe nature is beautiful because it is innocent. So part of a human is innocent, the animal part. The human part has responsibility, mainly to itself, but we hardly ever take it.
I'm not gonna change, for her. It's good-er for me.
Same
With Me
Hey! I love you!
I want to die with you!
I want to give you a pantsuit and turn you into a hobbit.
It's so hard I want to kill!
It's so bad I don't want it!
It's tearing, tearing, tearing, feeble!
Fetid, torrid, fecal, fetal!
Foal, doe, colt, coddle.
Famish, rearrange, exercise, feel better.
I don't matter what I am...
Everything else must disappear for me to know what is true and real.
I need to dig deeper...
Sexy does not. I cannot feel. I do not know.
It needs to be better. I can imagine.
It feels good... I will get better...
I will break my own heart and make myself cry; it is a good night.
I will see him; I will show him.
I will read her. I will know how.
I will not lose myself.
3 episodes of the Office, season 8.
My bloody experiences. My painful body, my lesser mind.
It wraps and wraps and wraps and gives. Squeezing tightly, getting numb.
Happy actualization. I know I just know.
It's real, it's real.
I am solid and secure. I am human and unmanageable.
Imagine a human.
Imagine two humans... what are they doing... It will change... It is perfect... perfect...
Just a silky blue rain forest. Just mother's grave. Just sunny day. Just an old drugstore. I am older now.
It is all going somewhere, here.
I give in... I wait more. I say it right... I try again.
It is too good. Can I ever even explain as strange and pure as what I see
I got to.
Sure
I want to die with you!
I want to give you a pantsuit and turn you into a hobbit.
It's so hard I want to kill!
It's so bad I don't want it!
It's tearing, tearing, tearing, feeble!
Fetid, torrid, fecal, fetal!
Foal, doe, colt, coddle.
Famish, rearrange, exercise, feel better.
I don't matter what I am...
Everything else must disappear for me to know what is true and real.
I need to dig deeper...
Sexy does not. I cannot feel. I do not know.
It needs to be better. I can imagine.
It feels good... I will get better...
I will break my own heart and make myself cry; it is a good night.
I will see him; I will show him.
I will read her. I will know how.
I will not lose myself.
3 episodes of the Office, season 8.
My bloody experiences. My painful body, my lesser mind.
It wraps and wraps and wraps and gives. Squeezing tightly, getting numb.
Happy actualization. I know I just know.
It's real, it's real.
I am solid and secure. I am human and unmanageable.
Imagine a human.
Imagine two humans... what are they doing... It will change... It is perfect... perfect...
Just a silky blue rain forest. Just mother's grave. Just sunny day. Just an old drugstore. I am older now.
It is all going somewhere, here.
I give in... I wait more. I say it right... I try again.
It is too good. Can I ever even explain as strange and pure as what I see
I got to.
Sure
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Since Then I Did
I slept in past a rainstorm. I got out of bed and felt motivated. I took out the recycling. 20 boxes of Totino's. I felt like Dad's apartment. Outside is very different than here. It can be much more beautiful; it's more extreme. I thought that a person born when we moved in here is now three and a half years old, learning to read and write I guess. I saw an older blonde woman walking the opposite way thru the parking lot, carrying a laundry basket. I wondered what she thought and if it was like my thoughts and what might we talk about and how she feels about the weather, if she appreciates nature. I thought this cloudy cool post rain air is better than sunny and 90 degrees. I wondered why I like this weather so much. It feels like I am living in a movie that I love a lot. I think of Cold Weather, which was pretty good, but I think of it because it has the word weather in it. I think of Mind the Gap and the its characters living in the woods. A lot of other movies... Station Agent. I think of school and going to competitions at other schools and the excitement and adventure of exploration and displacement, lack of control and somehow more freedom. Also, it feels like helping Mom in her school library early in the morning in spring, everything is ending...
Forever is too long; I have been asleep since then.
I never want to wake up, but I did, but I did.
A white knight slurps gumdrop soup in morning.
The brown skin of a parakeet is soothing but alarming.
As a what, with a collar.
Who's a but, in a cable car.
Forever is too long; I have been asleep since then.
I never want to wake up, but I did, but I did.
A white knight slurps gumdrop soup in morning.
The brown skin of a parakeet is soothing but alarming.
As a what, with a collar.
Who's a but, in a cable car.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
From Him
He's so sick that he's dead.
He grows up and goes to bed.
Say what the time is doing.
It is from his overbearing.
His huge pool broke the deck.
I can't fit my hands around his neck.
Syrup bubbles cancer polyps.
Grouper couple barking orders.
Nobody is looking for fun.
Nicer demon descale service.
Humming birds are fecal terrors.
I got no grip.
I sure do sleep to slip away.
As I go, nowhere follows your heat.
Sinning shine of unwhelming sea stars.
I really embarrass hulks to eat.
Nubia forces reality into crime.
Bursa bruises drink synovial pouches.
Okay children games popularize death.
Very simple concrete shivers my forearms.
He pushes for a grease slit and never quits, because he can't.
He grows up and goes to bed.
Say what the time is doing.
It is from his overbearing.
His huge pool broke the deck.
I can't fit my hands around his neck.
Syrup bubbles cancer polyps.
Grouper couple barking orders.
Nobody is looking for fun.
Nicer demon descale service.
Humming birds are fecal terrors.
I got no grip.
I sure do sleep to slip away.
As I go, nowhere follows your heat.
Sinning shine of unwhelming sea stars.
I really embarrass hulks to eat.
Nubia forces reality into crime.
Bursa bruises drink synovial pouches.
Okay children games popularize death.
Very simple concrete shivers my forearms.
He pushes for a grease slit and never quits, because he can't.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Natureache
Woman blak hair overweight farms ache, You mean Nature? They had a baby, how are they? Complaining corn. That's life. Australia's two arid coats and five types of productive land between. Small room, teacher, diagram cards. Ashley texts me, I do still care.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Pods
She sounds like my mom and Rosanne. I never flew from the house over the dark hills and lakes and trees toward the night horizon, flying toward the lightless space. I knever knew that. I never do that.
She knows. I hear her. I almost went to sleep. gyght tyght . Yoni. Sleep comes slowly and attaches and sinks and dissolves. Not being able to sleep is horrible. Then I got out of bed to type this and listen to a family chat.
Jana sounds New England. Adrenalgland. _^KIIIIIIII*^_ hoose, GUUDS, WASTED$^%&_)(* DL NIGHT NACOTACO IS DEEP MOOP NOO TOOK PEREGRIN BEEEEEOOOOR BE XBM< OEU
haha. He knows.
i am sorry
I cannot fight sleep. Never not notice her bushy hair; she's watching... now never. Crying laughing... I drove on highway near 10 pm... ideal... Radiolab, I know it. A transgender mayor of Silverton. They are all equal and a large number of them are rallying for peace and acceptance and purpose and practicality and beauty and stuff. I am a warm wet bloody ragdoll... super super life fulfilling hope and junk and butts and deep .. red burby hurby hubris dope deal double devil... Ark, the precious. Precocious. {;easant
Sincerely, Me ok
She knows. I hear her. I almost went to sleep. gyght tyght . Yoni. Sleep comes slowly and attaches and sinks and dissolves. Not being able to sleep is horrible. Then I got out of bed to type this and listen to a family chat.
Jana sounds New England. Adrenalgland. _^KIIIIIIII*^_ hoose, GUUDS, WASTED$^%&_)(* DL NIGHT NACOTACO IS DEEP MOOP NOO TOOK PEREGRIN BEEEEEOOOOR BE XBM< OEU
haha. He knows.
i am sorry
I cannot fight sleep. Never not notice her bushy hair; she's watching... now never. Crying laughing... I drove on highway near 10 pm... ideal... Radiolab, I know it. A transgender mayor of Silverton. They are all equal and a large number of them are rallying for peace and acceptance and purpose and practicality and beauty and stuff. I am a warm wet bloody ragdoll... super super life fulfilling hope and junk and butts and deep .. red burby hurby hubris dope deal double devil... Ark, the precious. Precocious. {;easant
Sincerely, Me ok
Sunday, June 15, 2014
I woke up an hour before the alarm. I wanted to get up. I see stacy in a couple hours. I'm listening to Waste of Paint. I listened to A Sucker for Your Marketing (Vulnerable) and my three favourite Ought songs. And Captain Easychord. I know those are sixteen letters, because I wanted it to be my AIM screenname.
I ate grilled cheese at ten pm or so. I walked to work and back the past two days. It feels good. I watch Dodger play Always Sometimes Monsters.
I am going to take my clothes to Goodwill, because Domino keeps biting the bag and Stacy is close to one. I am going to
These chik-fil-a commercials implying that cows like eating chickens are gross. Tig Notaro, be praod.
Laura Marling... I watched Maria Bamford's Special Special Special. It was sweet. I like how hard she tries.
Sure, I was justing reading NPR interview of Maria Bamford. Disease, Better Ease.... Social Anxiety. What do I say to Stacy. I must be depressed more than anxious. It is common. I just need to do what I need to do. Healthy food makes me feel good. Knowing that I am trying feels good. Arcade Fire feels good. Some are video games.
Play Doubt... Pord Wlay. Link Ray, Dumbstep. Truth is in my mind. In my mind are words. Words are not the sounds or images representing them. The meaning is the most important. What does "word" mean? A word is close to a thought. In two words I can have a useful thought. "I think." "I am." They are comprehensive. The meaning of the sentence is in my consciousness. In my experience is the meaning. It's an understanding, not a definition. It's a combination of my past consciousness, my present memory, and my present consciousness.
I'm excited to show this to Aaron. I need to shower soon. I just stood up. I am impatient in trying to understand the square root rule. I know I need to look at every piece and think about my every thought.
It feels useless and hopeless.
I read Coyote Steals Sadness yesterday. I thought of the New Yorker publishing it. Now I want to send it. It's too scattered and insignificant. I could try to polish it, but I like how it is. I hope they will like how unusual it is, maybe how juvenile it is.
Doggshit.
Pease, my homely's.
I ate grilled cheese at ten pm or so. I walked to work and back the past two days. It feels good. I watch Dodger play Always Sometimes Monsters.
I am going to take my clothes to Goodwill, because Domino keeps biting the bag and Stacy is close to one. I am going to
These chik-fil-a commercials implying that cows like eating chickens are gross. Tig Notaro, be praod.
Laura Marling... I watched Maria Bamford's Special Special Special. It was sweet. I like how hard she tries.
Sure, I was justing reading NPR interview of Maria Bamford. Disease, Better Ease.... Social Anxiety. What do I say to Stacy. I must be depressed more than anxious. It is common. I just need to do what I need to do. Healthy food makes me feel good. Knowing that I am trying feels good. Arcade Fire feels good. Some are video games.
Play Doubt... Pord Wlay. Link Ray, Dumbstep. Truth is in my mind. In my mind are words. Words are not the sounds or images representing them. The meaning is the most important. What does "word" mean? A word is close to a thought. In two words I can have a useful thought. "I think." "I am." They are comprehensive. The meaning of the sentence is in my consciousness. In my experience is the meaning. It's an understanding, not a definition. It's a combination of my past consciousness, my present memory, and my present consciousness.
I'm excited to show this to Aaron. I need to shower soon. I just stood up. I am impatient in trying to understand the square root rule. I know I need to look at every piece and think about my every thought.
It feels useless and hopeless.
I read Coyote Steals Sadness yesterday. I thought of the New Yorker publishing it. Now I want to send it. It's too scattered and insignificant. I could try to polish it, but I like how it is. I hope they will like how unusual it is, maybe how juvenile it is.
Doggshit.
Pease, my homely's.
Seeks ... Dreams
I sit with Mom and tell her I dreamed that people I loved died, but that I am not sad, because I am still alive and so on. I play part of Chrono Trigger where I am battling thru factories and sewers and a city hall kinda place. It is very dark, detailed art. The characters are thin and have long bill-like noses. I explain some to Mom, saying it's just a style or something, and how amazing the game is.
Pat and I walk at a university, maybe UT. There are some big short building around. We are in a big bright open area. The ground is pebbled concrete. He says it's weird being here after so long.
I am at maybe a poker game at the apartment. It seems that Will Hines and Natasha Leggero are there. I may have lost and am walking around making jokes. Two guys play a separate game in my room. I notice there are corn patterns on both of their clothes. The group in the dining room talk about porn. I yell, What's worse, Corn shorts or porn shorts? No one answers. If anyone laughs it's because I am stupid.
My brothers and I are in the apartments' parking lot, hanging around a car. There might be somewhere we think we may go to. I think Mom and other females are here. It's sort of a party. I walk away. I think of going to Kit's apartment down near the office. I have something important to do, but Tim suggests we play more of some game. I feel conflicted. Casey comes and does an impression says vulgar sexual things and Tim laughs hard. I walk by and say to Casey, Just as I would have thought... or something... They stop. Later Tim, I, and some other guy see Casey from afar sitting in the passenger seat of a car. They guess what he is doing. I worry he is masturbating but I don't want to say.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
A Shadow Walks in Front of You
My soft skin is covered with locust husks
My ears drums are erupting bloody pus
I watch wax wane out of the corner of the sky
I always lose nothing, because I always never try
I'm so lucky to be living in third person
I'll never get tired of not walking in my shoes
I believe my life can never worsen
I view from behind, and a shadow walks in front of you
My ears drums are erupting bloody pus
I watch wax wane out of the corner of the sky
I always lose nothing, because I always never try
I'm so lucky to be living in third person
I'll never get tired of not walking in my shoes
I believe my life can never worsen
I view from behind, and a shadow walks in front of you
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Daynightyears
She pushed her hair away
and said "I want to stay."
We clammed up and wasted another day.
She clenched her eyelids tight
and said "I won't be all right."
We stayed awake and worried thru the night.
She lifted both her ears
and said "I must face my fears."
We stood up and lived one hundred years.
and said "I want to stay."
We clammed up and wasted another day.
She clenched her eyelids tight
and said "I won't be all right."
We stayed awake and worried thru the night.
She lifted both her ears
and said "I must face my fears."
We stood up and lived one hundred years.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Message History with A as of Jun 03 14
Mar 29 13
A: Yes
May 07 13
A: Nothing.
May 17 13
A: I meant
Jun 08 13
A: I sorries
A: Been busy with work
Nov 21 13
A: You?
Dec 18 13
A: But hopefully not much
Jan 05 14
A: I'll text you when I'm done.
Apr 27 14
Me: So, plans?
A: movie with a coworker
Me: Which one?
A: Grand Budapest Hotel
Me: Good choice!
May 02 14
Me: Howdy stranger?
A: Sunday!
Me: Oh sweeet potaytoes (:
May 03 14
Me: noon.
A: Alright.
Me: g'night. See ya lata.
A: Goodnight.
May 04 14
A: So I went out for my friends birthday today last night. I'm probably not going to be ready at noon.
Me.Oh happy birthday friend. Tex me when u r.
A: Okee.
A: What are we going to eat?
Me: Casa de Luz?
A: Ohhhh
Sounds pretty awesome.
Me: Happy
A: So my headache won't go away. When are your next days off?
Me: Ah sorry, next week, relieved, dissapointed, wait. Feel better soon!
May 15 14
Me: Want to chill out on Sunday? I'll give you food!
May 18 14
Me: Howdy, madam! Wantu go to a park close to you if youre not busy?
May 20 14
Me: I dreamed we met after a long time. We hugged. 30 rock, Kenneth, Jack.
May 28 14
Me: How are you feeling these days?
The End
A: Yes
May 07 13
A: Nothing.
May 17 13
A: I meant
Jun 08 13
A: I sorries
A: Been busy with work
Nov 21 13
A: You?
Dec 18 13
A: But hopefully not much
Jan 05 14
A: I'll text you when I'm done.
Apr 27 14
Me: So, plans?
A: movie with a coworker
Me: Which one?
A: Grand Budapest Hotel
Me: Good choice!
May 02 14
Me: Howdy stranger?
A: Sunday!
Me: Oh sweeet potaytoes (:
May 03 14
Me: noon.
A: Alright.
Me: g'night. See ya lata.
A: Goodnight.
May 04 14
A: So I went out for my friends birthday today last night. I'm probably not going to be ready at noon.
Me.Oh happy birthday friend. Tex me when u r.
A: Okee.
A: What are we going to eat?
Me: Casa de Luz?
A: Ohhhh
Sounds pretty awesome.
Me: Happy
A: So my headache won't go away. When are your next days off?
Me: Ah sorry, next week, relieved, dissapointed, wait. Feel better soon!
May 15 14
Me: Want to chill out on Sunday? I'll give you food!
May 18 14
Me: Howdy, madam! Wantu go to a park close to you if youre not busy?
May 20 14
Me: I dreamed we met after a long time. We hugged. 30 rock, Kenneth, Jack.
May 28 14
Me: How are you feeling these days?
The End
Sunday, June 1, 2014
This Universe Is Only One Place
JJJ :OISvfn OPprjn Br abn'rfn nbdio
Juicy Jiggling Junkyard. Obvious impressive side effect verified by National Organ Pride. People rappel in jumpsuits to nesting birds. Appraised burnt radio furnace nears bidding declaration by insider opinions.
YGGV,GK VKH H KTJHCV HTHJT KLTRL'CN98008897[0-P
You gave girls Venice. Go kindly. Varnish kickers heroically. Hi. Kiss the Jacks here closely vocal. Hitman ties hops jelly to kill Latrice's turtle rotating loosely. Celestial number ninety eight million eight thousand eight hundred ninety seven [Zero Percent].
Jesus Christmas, if you go straight long enough you'll end up where they are.
All I ever do is imprison myself.
I'm always constipated.
Forest of knives and tangerines. Can we screen this film before it sees itself on the handy, sandy sands of time? ... It doesn't matter if we get there before it's built. Every day we'll have to speak to our heads.
JJJ :OISvfn OPprjn Br abn'rfn nbdio
Juicy Jiggling Junkyard. Obvious impressive side effect verified by National Organ Pride. People rappel in jumpsuits to nesting birds. Appraised burnt radio furnace nears bidding declaration by insider opinions.
YGGV,GK VKH H KTJHCV HTHJT KLTRL'CN98008897[0-P
You gave girls Venice. Go kindly. Varnish kickers heroically. Hi. Kiss the Jacks here closely vocal. Hitman ties hops jelly to kill Latrice's turtle rotating loosely. Celestial number ninety eight million eight thousand eight hundred ninety seven [Zero Percent].
Jesus Christmas, if you go straight long enough you'll end up where they are.
All I ever do is imprison myself.
I'm always constipated.
Forest of knives and tangerines. Can we screen this film before it sees itself on the handy, sandy sands of time? ... It doesn't matter if we get there before it's built. Every day we'll have to speak to our heads.
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