This Is One Result of These Past 7 to 8 Years of Whatever I've Been Doing

- I regret this post a lot. Aaron and Andee read it and were disgusted. I wrote it over a year ago, and I revised it less than a year ago for some dumb reason, or for no reason I think. I did not reason, like most of my life. I should delete it. But I will leave it for now... I am being so dumb. I am still wasting 99% of my time. OK, I am stopping now. geezus kryste  - March 20, 2018 -

" Be cool: I am not supposed to tell you this. I feel bad about it ... kiNdA! { ; smeeerk* "

- I was a really annoying, terrible person writing this, I have to hate this about myself.

-

So, I went to Julie's House, on Sage Road, Bastrop County -
you know - My feet, my wheels, my hand, et cexterra.
Her name is Julie M. W.
It dozent matter. I write neatly....
enough. So, we stand near the front door
about ten feet apart. She says, Hi, greggy.
I say, " --- Nothing.
We stare at each other's eyes blankly, content.
I Why and Without.
She stands up straight, holds her arms a few inches out to her sides, spins slowly, and closes her eyes.

we are A steady stream . .

one minute.
her skin and her clothes are.
I say, Thanks. I walk back home calmly.
She absorbs
and her every cell is half.

Then she leaves home and walks the streets
touching every woman she sees.
If she lays even a fingertip on any part of their bodies,
they become pregnant with an XXY baby,
23 from Julie and 23 from me.

I lie in bed at my mom's house
thinking this over and through.
...
So, I call Mr. president and say, Abort.
He makes every human 18 years old instantly.
Each new human starts at 18.
Every human is now self-sufficient forever.

We build cradles for no one and subsist on squirrels and kelp.

I'm Never Gonna Watch YouTube

I really wanna watch YouTube and not think anymore.

I really wanna watch YouTube and live as other people.

I really wanna watch YouTube and not think about anything else.

I really wanna watch YouTube and live through other people.

I really wanna watch YouTube and not have to think anymore.

I really wanna watch YouTube, and I want to live as better people.

I want to live through better people than myself.

I really wanna watch YouTube: People playing games and talking to each other.

I really wanna watch YouTube: People in cars going to see each other.

I really wanna watch YouTube: People saying jokes and laughing hard.

I really wanna watch YouTube: Good-looking people with hair and faces and eating things and doing stuff and saying things. And laughing and doing things with people. And going to places with their lives and doing lots of stuff. And thinking and talking and feeling different things. And doing stuff and feeling and being alive. And doing stuff and recording it all on cameras and uploading it to the website YouTube.

I really wanna watch YouTube, so I don't have to be a human.

And I don't want to think about things that I will never do or try.

I don't wanna think about how much I have failed and how much I'll never be able to accomplish because I just wasted a bunch of time and resources on feeling like I'm so interesting because I think that nothing is real or nothing is of consequence to me because I'm just gonna die. And who cares if anyone remembers and why does anything exist? And is there a God, and why am I thinking all these things? And why am I thinking these things and what should I actually do? And does it matter if I do anything or what I think? And do I really wanna care or do anything or think anything?

Uhh.

Welcome to the land where we farm the corn. Eveyone's lookin' at the sun, cuz we just woke up from a daydream, and we'll think about eating other things and the genitalia of our best friends.

Wanna go to sleep at 9 o' clock in the evening and look at the star, cuz your eye gets wet. Look at her eye, cuz she's your best friend and your only daughter, and you want to chop her head off and donate it to the universe, so she'll glow like a star forever and ever until she blows up and blows stardust all over the universe, and then the universe dies, and there's nothing but time, and time goes on forever, but behind and beyond time, there's an eternal awakening of the spirit of existence itself. Reality meshes with the squids and the worms and the bugs up in my fingernail beds.

Now we're feelin' good, cuz we drank a bottle of whiskey, and we're singin' and dancin' on the porch, cuz it's Friday night.

We're eating steaks. Colorado is the best place to be, when you're just like me.

I'm never going to watch YouTube, cuz I make myself a better looking dude, who thinks that he likes to be like people are today, when they do things that they can proudly say that they have done.

And a guy I know brought a gift for me, and I used part of it and gave part of it to someone who I see often enough.

And then I stopped this recording, and I drank a bunch of black and green tea, and I sat down, and I read about a thousand pages of a book that made me think, and then I thought,

'Hm, I'm gonna go get some money and donate it to the people who eat the goats for breakfast.'

The End

A Diary Entry Blog Post

It's December 20, 2016.

It's very early.

I woke about 3:30 am.

I'm listening to "Sleeping Lessons" Spotify radio.

I feel pretty good.

I'm kind of tense.

I wonder if spelling and grammar are equally important.

I wonder if I'll ever read another person again.

I wonder if I'll ever shower again.

I wonder what I'll do today.

I wonder what exactly I should do.

I don't feel stupid listening to Arcade Fire.

I love them.

I want to read Crime and Punishment.

I feel bad for disappointing Aaron by not reading the books I began.

God is very confusing to me.

Free will and temptation are too.

I want to eat breakfast with Mom today.

We will both drink black coffee... from K-cups.

I yawned and slid my water.

The metal and wood made a sound.

Excuse me.

66.6%! (: im drunk

Condiments such as iceberg lettuce and freedom of speech.

I did not do what I thought I'd do.

I want to sleep for two hours starting now.

I think I slept between 5 and 6 hours last night.

I have paced a lot today.

It's - It was about 3:30 pm I think, then I got distracted,

and now it's about 4:20.

I decided I do not want to sleep until tonight.

I listened to music for a while.

I have read a tiny bit.

I dug up an ant hill.

I washed dishes.

I drank white russians and used up the Kahlua.

Aaron called, and he invited me to shop with him tomorrow.

It'll be good to get away.


I ask again, why does this hurt so much?

I was just lying in bed trying to relax and tears came out of my eyes.

I was scrolling thru facebook a bit ago.

It seems everything is wrong and everyone is wrong.

I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know why it's so hard to read and eat vegetables.

It feels like I have put myself in a situation

where being awake is unbearable.

We ate pepperoni rolls.

It's not really hard to do what I know I should do.

I don't know what stops me or why I stop myself and just kill time

and do dumb stuff instead.

Some things are easier.

I want to do what is easiest.

But then I think I am worthless and I hate myself and I do not want to live,

then that becomes the most difficult thing I ever deal with.

I keep thinking, eventually everything will die, all matter will freeze.

Why try to keep anything going or try to change anything?

I have no idea what I will be after I die.

I do not know if I will die.

I think I basically know nothing.

Why do I care if life or eternity is full of pain or joy?

What is "good"? What is "bad"?

What is "something"? What is "nothing"?

I drank alcohol.

I ate bread and cheese.

I listened to some words from Aaron's body?

I made some sounds; he understood words.

We drove on a busy road.

We saw children.

We saw shapes and colors.

We felt blood in our skin and muscles.

We felt the rumbling car and wind.

We felt heat and cold.

I felt like I might vomit.

I thought of semen and female tongues and lips.

I thought of American zoos and 30 Rock and boobs.

I thought of starving black babies.

I thought of open wounds and blood and pus

and maggots and worms and decay.

Tears roll down my cheeks again.

I hear punk guitars.

I hear snare and bass drum and cymbal.

I think of fresh green cabbage.

I think of rain.

I need to shit.

I am in a wooden building, one floor, big windows on all four walls. Sheriff Harry Truman runs up and enters. He is being chased by many large scary animals. He says they won't get in. They immediately break thru the glass and pour inside. I am terrified. I climb something to get away. A vicious tiger swipes at me.

Church Marquee:

Our Heart is the Flower that will always be blooming by the ever-burning Light...

Prepare to Forgive

Rape Raped Raping Raper Rapist Rapey Rapier Rapiest

Hat Pod Hat Jimmy Hat Ghoul Hat Cool Hat Bum Hat Sick Hat Blood Hat Cat Hat Burn Hat Bomb Hat Cull Hat Wish Cap Lead Cap Balls Cap Weed Cap Whip Cap Sweeet Cat Wheat Cap Long Cap

Quell. Quash. I am. Surprisingly literati.

Original Document

Transform the future we all share.
Save the children.
Is digging a world into a wall with the paint of 500 miles and 30 miles of ocean too much work for 5 years of 2 hands and 2 feet and 2 eyes and 200 pizzas and 500 glasses of wine for 2 women who are full sisters and 3 children --> 30,998 shits?... I drew Map, Girl 17 made a star my eye dance paper ink letters... 3 moon, 1 starlight.
The end, the other 5 Beatles made my eye leak dick water. On TV, the Asian decorator made children eat Christmas. 'Twas very fun. Fireplace 9 made person perfect Inferno Ties Lie.

Baaaaaaad Gang of Kids

Is it a shame if we can't decide
How much we love each other...
Tonight?


Let's join a bad gang of kids
Doin' bad shit to other kids.
Doin' pull ups at the gym.
Hittin' baseballs over the fence.
Throwin' footballs over the bridge.


Teachin' bad people how to live.


Let's join a baaaaaaad gang of kids.

More Meaning

When I urinate in front of my
childhood home, staring up
at the trees and the cloudy black night,
I wish there was more meaning
in every detail of my life,
like in Delicacy starring
Audrey Tautou.

I read a page of Crime and Punishment,
translated into English by Jessie Coulson,
then the pale purple of my
bedroom walls
really does look really purple
to me now.

Bye,

Love Greg.

November 32nd 2,016

Connie Chung looks at me in
my human TV screen.
She says, "Taxes are for
the rich; poor people
are for the poor.
Nobody knows what
they're saying anymore."

The year is two thousand seventeen,
and 17 year olds are too lucky
to be a live these days.
Nothing matters more
than what anybody says.

Her kind doll face,
a fake ficus, daybreak
news anchors, Paradise buffet,
Philidelphia, Artificial environment,
12,000 dollar cameras,
downtown Austin TV studio.

Pinapple and a bagel.
Wispy grey sky.
Precious fragile mind.
People full of fluffy
jellybeans, infinity
frivilous rainbows.