Free write Twenty [2006 or 7, Ms. Roffol]

Along a dry creek bed in Missouri, ran a small brown fox. A dog bark sounded in the distant. Below two dead leaves, an ant poked out and crawled for all salvation. I ordered some chicken. For a while after dinner, I walked over across the street to Brett’s house. I knocked on the door and she let me in. At 11:14 at night, we finished the movie I brought. “I don’t think it’s weird.” she said. I looked around at the things in her bedroom. Her father looked stern and un-accepting to me, like I feared he would. I was excited to be there. I thought I would never have the courage to put myself in that position. At one quarter until twelve. I felt very sad. I wasn’t talking. Every silly little thing I wished I’d say seemed pointless to say, and I just thought about it and said nothing. I curled up into the night and cried.

In the morning, I hate my body and my mind. I went into the opposite bedroom and lay sideways on the top bunk bed. In a few seconds, I became restless and moved around and sat up. I saw a cat come in through the open doorway. Lawn one road. I sat up. beginning the latest intro i became one what with my body i felt like i did and any other way walking down the road and then the footsteps on the empty street we too loud for me to forget while the old hard shops and greyness of the quiet music sky clouds grey gory insane games and inciting a bull in a red vest beside the tree on the hill in the fields in spain crazy for being so fast in the winter wind blows my hair up to the top of the mountain in the snow for two minites is not long enough to be fire in the fire was so hot and uncomfortable in the dinner evening it was too slow to be said i cant talk and the wind was too strong to hear something important to me.

Another Computerised Journal. [typed sometime between 2008 and 2010]

I laugh when I think about the stupid things I have done. It seems, though, when I make a decision to do anything, I end up thinking it is stupid. Sometimes, though, I cringe at knowing that it was actually me, and I actually did and can never undo that stupid thing, like going to my senior prom and actually trying to dance to make a mockery of myself and everyone at my senior prom.

I was reminded of prom by reading the First Pages of John Green’s. of vlogbrothers on http://Youtube.com/, Paper Towns. Everyone can only write about his or her own life.

We only watch movies. They don’t help us understand life any more. We shouldn’t waste our time with these short meaningless movies. We should spend time with long detailed research projects. We should be like Noam Chomsky.

I got a call from the State Park yesterday. Last night in bed, I thought, Okay I have four full days to worry about what I am going to do wrong that will ruin my chances of having that job.

I have no practice. At anything. I can waste time very well. Like this. Typing this is fantastic waste of time.

Okay, so I’ll keep at it.

I am fed, clothed, sheltered, rested, and free of illness (perhaps), so what then? I can do whatever I want? I should help others into similar situations. I find that admirable but difficult. I can ponder existence if that is what I feel like doing. You can go help the needy if that is what you need to do. Is that what you want to do? It gives you pleasure, but not the same as watching a funny movie. Existentially rewarding it may be. Closer to the meaning of life it may bring you. Is that a place you want to be though? Yes, maybe.

Seeking immediate pleasure is a waste of time. Who has it figured out? What is this path of a life that is correct? It is more than just choosing this right path or this wrong path. There are no paths, just an infinite field. How can I say that people do more than just what they do with no reason or explanation?

It is hard only because you are you and you have to be you.

Okay, why not, I’ll let this explain anything.

Goodnight, kjfdbabne’onbflx.djofagh[r vr85yu9m8av h r/hn vaorng’ zag ‘abn

Multiples of 11

                niggas   are    real  


     I      shall    get     as    real      as      you     want     me     to        get



    we        fuck       up        real          good



    we         fuck         our          messs        is         so          real





can        you      hear       alll        the        c h u r n i n g          of          

the          waves            

the          noise        

the                pizza



             fuck                  alll                    buttt                  usss

Untitled [ First Class A Plus Plus Plus ]

Everything you say and do

Everything you think and are


That was a retarded request


Hair today and garden tomorrooww


What do you think about life?

Are you Jewish?

Old man in a straw hat bringing in the trash cans

I let the dogs out, and they ran to the edge of the yard barking at you


What will we be?

Have you died?


Bill Murray and Wes Anderson


I hope I can handle it


Will it be too much

Is it too much


I am listening to 3rd Planet by Modesto Mousu.


I recorded myself dancing in my underwear to Genius of Love by Tom Tom Club and Lisa by Don't Stop or We'll Die

I watched it back right after

It is upside down, but I set my phone down and angled it so I could watch it flipped


means nothing

it is what

it is


i am a part of this



this


Now I am listening to Gravity Rides Everything ... Do



I do not have a problem



I do knot know khow to khelp kyou



Hi, I am by



G.

Jeffrey Cox and I

Hey, it is crazy. I remember doing a weird skit or something with props in our destination imagination group. Silly weird good times... I've been doing all right I guess. Thanks for asking. How bout you?

13 hours ago

Alright you guess? What does that shit mean? What you up to these days?.

a few seconds ago

I work part time at the Austin Public Library, and I like to seek media that I hope will help me slightly better understand existence and meaning, and I like to write or type my thoughts out, and sometimes share them with others, such as right now. I get scared and anxious a lot about a lot of things, and I have been seeing a therapist twice a month for 6 years. I struggle with uniting my body and my soul, which I think is the real me.................................................................. So, that's kinda where I am at [: I am usually quite content, even if I am often overwhelmed. ...................... What do you do?

"C" Assignment Story

                            He used map colours to draw the forest. He stole through this forest, and when he came out to a field, he was wet, and he carried a flat-screen plasma Dell computer monitor. He smiled at the sun that was setting. A flying animal was flyin' at him from the northwest at a declining angle of 18 degrees. When it got near him, it turned and flew into the sun and burned black. When the bird went by, Timothe dropped his monitor, and it disappeared as it touched the grass that was leaning 78 degrees from the ground. Timothe exited the drawing, and when he sat back in a chair, he felt like a giant one thousand times bigger than a normal sized human. His clothes were black, and he thought of the flying animal all black after it flew into a sun. He almost cried, but he was too scared. A teacher was talking about a bathroom, and two children laughed. Timothe lowered his head onto the wood flat desk in front of him. A white cloud rose beneath him. Falling through it, he saw and felt a soft, green tree as his hair grew shorter and lighter. He felt like a a good boy, since a mushroom told him so. Soon though it was dirty and dark, and he has scared again but in a different way. He almost cried, because he did not want to die. He thought of his grandmother, who he thought was dead. He saw her in the darkness. She was gone after a moment, and Timothe saw dark yellow and orange spots in the darkness. He thought of Julia, who was a girl, who said, "I'm sorry," when she learned that his grandmother was dead. It made him sad to think of his grandmother all dead and in darkness for eternity, so he crawled out of a sideways hole and was not dirty. He thought of what grass feels like but could not remember exactly. Today he wished was over. Completing a round trip to collect water for people. If he helped like that, like he had seen in movies, he might not feel so useless. He ate and sat and breathed and got uncomfortable and strained and made pain for his muscle and bone. Carla worked at a bookstore and did not bother herself or waste her time with impossible dreams or fantastic wishes. She saw Timothe from behind the checkout counter at a bookstore, while she was working. Jane was his mother, and he followed her into the store and walked slowly around looking. Carla did not like his face, but she thought he was interesting, because he was weird. It was sunny outside, and some of the sunlight shined into the store. It was Friday, January 11, 18163. Timothe kicked the bottom of the door frame as he was leaving the bookstore after his mother. Carla glanced at him, and she thought he tripped. She almost laughed, and then her left eye felt dry. She rubbed it with her left hand. She had purple nail polish on. She looked down 41 degrees with her right eye at a book titled, "The Long Loss When We Watch the Summer Pass on Our Decks, Porches, or Patios." Ten feet outside the store, Timothe rubbed his right eye with his right hand as he noticed a long green leaf of a plant with his left eye. Julia was walking on the corner by a different kind of plant 12.352 meters to the northwest of Tim. She lifted her left foot with a Nike shoe on it. The reason she was there was because she was looking for her mother, who

Little Green Coke People

[ Read this in the voice of a sick coughing person ]

Oh, I forgot the wax over the... sun can, and I pulled out the crane from the sidewalk, and she said...

Uh, I'm not even here right now, so I built a straight bridge perpendicular to the ground right in the middle of the road.

It was 30 feet wide and 8,000 feet tall, and if you got in a car, you could use your legs and walk straight up the bridge, and when you got to the end, you would just dip down into some crystal clear water, crystal cool water, and the water would eat your legs off, and your little bony nubs right under your butt would walk along the little bright coral Legend of Zelda, Sonic the Hedgehog beach front property, and two fish made of octopuses would attach to your bony thigh nubs, and you would be able to walk 3000% faster, and you would walk all the way to the store, where you could chop your left hand off and use it to buy a 67 ounce bottle of Green Coca-Cola, and you would unscrew the top, and the carbonation would melt your eyeballs, and so they would droop down off your face and also kinda freeze, or then they would become semi-solid and float and flap in front of your face like dog tongues, and then you could see 1700% better, and then you would pour the Green Coke.

You would stick the top of it in your bellybutton and drink it all through your bellybutton, and then your bellybutton would eat the bottle made of plastic, and then a little hole in your left side would open up, and a little factory would pop out and process the plastic and turn it into little people, who represent Lemmings from the video game of the same name, and they would be able to walk on the air and go anywhere, and they can create any type of matter, that does or doesn't currently exist, and they can replicate themselves, and so they can go anywhere, and they can get as small as they want to, but they can't get bigger than 6 inches tall and 2 inches wide, so they can go anywhere, though, and it only takes them 1 over X amount of time to get there, and they can turn their bodies - they start with little green bodies made of Coke plastic, but then they can turn themselves - they can produce anything real or imagined out of their bodies, and they do this about half their time, 50% of their time, exactly 50% of their time, and the other 50%, they're either resting or having social interactions for pleasure, and so that's basically what reality is for us, so, and these little green Coke people never die, and they never change, unless they want to, and they all waited in line to meet GOD HIMSELF, and they all grabbed onto the hairs of HIS long white beard, and they shake GOD'S hand 50 at a time.

50 of them shake GOD'S hand at one time, and GOD invites them back for some pasta salad and tuna fish, and then my legs grew back, but it felt like the blood inside was made of acid and lead, and so I just tacked them up to the sky, and all my insides spilled out of my mouth *burp*, and I just grabbed onto two birds, who were passing by on their way to The Watering Hole, which is the name of a night club on top of OPRAH'S mansion, and I just grabbed onto their tail feathers, and I was ripped away and just floating, and each bird weighed about 1.1 pound, I mean, each bird weighed .1 pound, and I weighed .11 pounds, and my clothes all turned brown, very pale brown and became tatters, and my penis and I became about 3 feet long, and my penis was also 3 feet long, and I began to cry purple bubbly tears, and it landed on top of all the houses and everyone's yards and all the buildings everywhere and on all the land and the roads, and the bubbles popped up into everyone's faces, and there were these clear gases that were released all over the place, and it made everyone feel like they had just kissed someone, and they smiled and kinda laughed, because they knew they hadn't, but

it still felt like they had just woken up, and they all gave each other high fives and tapped each other on the butt and then just all held hands and walked in unison to the next thing they had to do today.

Goodbye

To Live and Die and L.A. and Summer Sun at Conception and November and Colors and Awake and Eat

...

Am I obsessive or compulsive or disordered?

"slitely bored and severely confused"

or just scared for no reason? [readon] Not thinking

Wrong thinking %%^)&T^-+*-/-&^E#*+D:+

Her hands. Whole Eye

Sexual, Interpregnate. I was conceived

March 1989. I got my Period in 1999.

I laid with a woman in 19-2000-10.

I had 3 Friedeggs and 2quarts of OrangeJuice

mixed with Vanilla Almund Milk.

I laid the Sunday Paper out on the Patio Floor.

I extracted My Mother and Father From me.


I was 25. I had 34 years left. I had no idea.

I married a BLACK woman with 14 children;

she was 42, born in '42.

She made bananas Professionally.

TheyallwereYell OW excepttheGreen+Brownones.

Her children's names were = Kat, What, Blue,

Forbes, Queet, White, Es, Sevent, Q, Weep,

Quiet, Ship, Quit, Geoff, and That's it.

The Cock has sex wiff all of Them.

They are Ants, and they gave me warts and E Coli.

I ate cakes. 7 of my kids left Earth for other Planets.

I Printed 80 million Pages of my Personal Journal.

I ate 4 billion Planets. I lost my head 8 times,

got new heads, more than 1 or 2, or 3 at once.

I mapped the ocean floor from a bacterium's Perspective.

I ate 101 billion galaxies and multiverses.

Everything SEEMS meaningless.

I do not want to BE anything.

I just want to enjoy some things.


I GIVE A TALL GLASS OF FRESH CLEAN DRINKING WATER TO EVERYONE EVERY TWO HOURS.

EVERY BEING THAT NEEDS TO DRINK WATER TO LIVE ANYWHERE ANYWHEN. I AM the provider.

You will find the perfect solution of this information to help us make the best thing.    Nobody's I.

I'm a huge favor from the start with a lot of work that we are still interested in learning.

The only one who can be a good idea to do is the one who has the same way to go through the end.

A Silly Story That Makes Sense

                  Geral was born in hospital when his mother was 33 years and 7 months old. As she held him in her arms, his father walked out of the room, and she never saw him again. She was in such a stupor, that she forgot the 'd' that she meant to be at the end of her son's name. Originality became her new lifestyle after she decided to raise a son named Geral. She quit her elementary school teaching job and started her own business of growing potted plants and shaping them to look like people with green bushy heads.
                   Geral was home schooled, and when he was six years old, his mom had a girl, who she named Aria. Aria learned to make Geral her sole source of entertainment, companionship, and survival. The three traveled always and mainly lived in hotels with ground floor lounge bars. Aria's favorite food were pickles, and Geral's were pretzels.
                  When Geral was 12, a woman named Cady saw him and Aria walking down a big city sidewalk, looking for their lunch. She decided to take full responsibility for their lives, while their mother was pawning treasures that she picked out of dump sites along the highway. Cady asked the kids questions and led them to some government agencies, promising them safety and good things. At the end of the day, they were driven to a large new house on the edge of a town called Cottleville. They wore new clothes and laid in new beds. There was a closet full of new, unopened games and toys. There was a pantry and a refrigerator full of every kind of food except pretzels and pickles... The air in the house was colder than they were comfortable with, so they protected themselves with layers of clothes. Cady and her husband were settled in the first floor of the cavernous building, far away enough for Geral and Aria to ignore as they roamed the rooms of white. They had been content, but within two days, became infinitely bored and began to miss their mother.
                  She didn't think of her children until the sun set on the desert horizon, when she realized she hadn't eaten dinner with them and didn't even know where they were. She peeked around their temporary lodging and asked the clerk, but nothing... 'Those brats,' she thought, 'Is this their idea of a joke?' She watched talk shows on the hotel TV and smoked on the bed, until she fell asleep. Her empty head and disconnection from reality were a result of the culmination of everything she had been through, and she wasn't done yet. She woke at dawn. She sat up on the silky, warm bedding, glaring at the dim yellow glow behind the thick curtains. She thought of the kids and said, "God damn..." She walked the streets all day, visiting the places she imagined they would go, calling out their names. An older woman, witnessing her in need, offered her help. "No," their mom said, more embarrassed than concerned. She missed them, realized how much she loved them, then loved them more. Night fell and she found herself in front of a calm blinking police station, staring at it intently, elusive plans slipping through her mind grasp. Slowly, she made her way to her quiet room and rested her head.

                     Aria and Geral rode quietly in the back of a roomy, deep blue SUV, playing with each other's hands, as Cady drove them to their new schools, talking cheerfully to no one about their happy futures. They glid past ranches and fields, bright gold under a powerful sun. Aria went into the administration office with Cady and Geral and waited while he was enrolled. The damage came when Geral was commanded to stay, and Cady led Aria away. "You're going to your own school with nice kids just like you!"
"Errrrrr-Aah! Nnnnnnnhhe!" Aria pleaded and pulled. Geral's face tensed, and he tried not to cry.
                  Geral calmed as he acquainted himself with the classroom. His eyes were caught by a girl sitting in the back row. She had long straight black hair. 'Lucy' was written on her name card in bold black marker. She seemed to have a supernatural quality, distinct from from her surroundings and classmates. Geral was the last student to enter, so he sat in the front row. Lucy paid fervent attention to the lesson, while Geral divided his between the teacher and everything else.
                They walked together after school to Lucy's bus stop. Neither could think of something good enough to say to the other. They were silent. Geral hung around and waited with her, but this made her uncomfortable, and he left after a few minutes of ground-staring. Her bus would take her home to Rose Hill, and he was to return to Mist Vale.
               Geral arrived at Aria's school, and she ran at full speed to embrace him, then empty her thoughts onto him. She told him every detail of her day. She said it made her feel like the baking ham she had watched through a round-cornered rectangular window in the oven at their grandmother's house. Or maybe like one of those mythical pigs stuck through with a skewer, eating an apple, rotating slowing behind a butchery window. Anyway, she was happy now to be hanging on Geral's arm again. Although, she uneasily sensed something had happened to him at school and he was distracted. They had missed their buses on purpose and trekked toward the place where they slept in the opposite of a hurry.
               Aria always kicked off her shoes before stepping on the white-tan carpet, not out of cleanliness or respect for her guardians' rule, but because she liked the feel of the bristly fibers between her toes. Geral usually stomped right on in remaining defiantly shod. Sometimes he kept his sneakers on until wanted to put his feet up on his bed. Wearing shoes in this house felt right to him, since baring his feet would contradict the fact that he felt uncomfortable and not the least bit at home.

The End

to be continued . . . .






                 

Weepers over Heavy Times

It's

Alarming that my options are always shrinking, even just in relation to the time that passes.

---
               
   Two-Bitch straddles a Dutch door an' hollas in at Siggy, "I'm a goin' git some fried crawfish, hon'! Yawn't any?!" She swings out on the door. "He-haw! Ride 'em --OH!" The hinges burst an' 2-Bitch falls flat on huh bulbous front. "Aww, shit!"
It's all dusky out, air littuhed with lightnin' flies. Siggy trots out to the pitiful scene. "Damn, Toob... I love you like Hell, but... you suck, cuz you so stupid like that!"
"Shut up, I know!" Toob rolls ova an' sighs.
 "Well, le's get dem crawf--" Sig starts to say, buhfore *Fart!* Toob lets a stink bomb loose.
"A'ight, I'm gone!" Sig hops off the porch an' shuffles away.
"He-haww-hee-haw!" Toob has no shame and less dignity. Sig's at the gate by the travel trail, Two-Bitch shouts, "Oo, gimme some hushy pups too!!"

                    The weepers loom over Siggy, as she strolls to Mr. Luther's Chow House. The dark times weigh heavy an' sneaky demon-wisps swoop 'tween the brambles over the path of raw earth. Indigo-violet tears plop outta Siggy's eye slits an' tumble along her rouged green face. On she marches full of regret an' misplaced heroism.

                   Toob crawls into the life-room and squirms under the Pit. Right away she's sopping like a pig if they sweated. She grabs an armful of coals orange an' hot as young stars. The rogue black whisper, that Toob hides under the back of her wig, keeps harm at bay. She's not as stupid as she lets on. She never planned to go to Luth's for craws tonight. There's a partic'lar heavy Deem comin' down on Poss Bore Hill soon... an' if 2-Bitch does right -er, wrong, rather- then all them Life-deporters are in for a rude s'prise.

                 "Hee-haww!" She swallows dem-orb after dem-orb till her deep rosy belly bulges with sinister gluttonous glee. "Shit's goin' down an' at las' lil Tooby's gone be up top!! Hawww."

                    Siggy gets real serious worry, when jus' as Luth's House pops in view, she sees the moon high an' glowin' a pale-blood color; stranger still it shimmers an' shakes like a fire bug trapped in a jam jar.

hi how are oyu


my name is greg


i am a computer too


i love frogs and dear boys



i am not in eleven movies of the remembrance of the offering to American Peoples of the hort



I just make sense and everything is good and cool and nice and dadjijiejmnfoew


Here I am


Dear Tim, how is the baby?

Is eleven Years too many Of Years?????

I have four Women who Are my Wife Now and Every Day and Every Night untill we are all Dead and Gone Foever, Ya hear and make it all right and Make peace with the Indian   tribbles



I want to draw something.

I took a walk. I walked and looked and heard and breathed and thought.

I saw a guy walking near me, other side of the street, 1st street.

I read of Looked at some of the comics in The Frank Book just before going out.

It is real crazy amazing stuff... I dunno....


I thought, the most imprtant thing is Facial Expressions.... How do we know anything?... Why does

anything mean anything?....




I drew some symbols and images on the notepad out on the counter in our apartment. 14 symbols and

 drawings.


Pat and Bridget are there, I spoke very little.


Numbers.....

 Make sense of our lives and our worlds.


I breathed and counted. in spanish and english and french

I listen to NPR in my car most often lately.

Canadian show I heard. Q.

Singer, Legend. Beloved. Children. Beauty.


Music is mysterious. Beauty is mysterious. People with faces and voices and hands playing instruments.


I have been alive. I am alove. I will be alive.


I lived I live I will live




Here I go, It too cold in here, business center..............


I am done. I want to draw now. I love you, I need to eat and sleep, but you know whatever, I do everything, I stay awake.... I am a beer and bear I am a god and love


Bye bye, hone shirt

I watched Blue Gold: World Water Wars.


I am listening to the album Popular Problems by Leonard Cohen.

it is his birthday, he's 81


I listened to Acapulco for the 2nd time, while i walked in the hood

i like it a lot


i am about to play tennis with DJ

i think it will be pretty weird

i like him a lot

it would be cool to get to know him

i think he is about 59 or so...


I am in the Arts at Turrtle creek business center


i like anagrams


i called Stacy and left a message in which i talked about myself and her and suicide and my violent difficult thoughts

I am eager to see her again.

f e d

d
e
f


k
i
l

l
o
;


;
o
l

l
i
k

f
e
d


( =

Homophobia

Fear of:

walking down the street and smiling and waving at a man across the street walking two dogs in the opposite direction, because maybe he'll think I want to have sex with him

thinking of each other naked and touching each other softly

thinking of not competing against each other or fighting for a better life than the other guy, better food, better mate, better children

thinking of truly and deeply loving each other, as if we are family, because we are, common ancestor, at least living thinking beings entwined in a society

wanting the other to be as happy as he can be, in all aspects of life, including being sexually happy

thinking of all conflict being elegantly, gracefully resolved and having to reflect upon our existence and our meaning, solving deeper and deeper problem, more and more complex, greater and greater understanding, closer and closer to oneness and perfection



What is my responsibility, my obligation, my reward, my conscience, my desire?

DC Dog Fire Cloud

I and my fellow delegates lounge in the spacious gazebo sipping dark red wine. We look out across the pristine green lawn at the moderately populated boardwalk and the clear rippling river. An enormous red, white, and blue papery pinwheel blocks a third of the sky. The piano man plays reserved classical tunes that blend with Louis Armstrong's crooning coming from a nearby phonograph. We mumble locally-known names and chuckle weakly. The sun sets slowly...

A grinning dog on fire ambles and hops onto the lawn, screaming much like a man in unbelievable pain. The canine stalls and falls, yelling mercilessly, consumed by monstrous flames that set the grass alight. Fire tears towards the river and gazebo, the dusk splashed by orange. We continue to imbibe and quietly converse.
I rise upwards, lifted by my shoulders. I bid my compatriots adieu. They are disinterested. I drift through the ceiling and roof in a ghostly fashion. 83 meters above and to the east is a miserly cloud with white arms reaching for me, pulling me along for a ride. Mr. Cloud moans and sobs with disdain and contempt. We float away, I a few meters under his curled fingers, blissfully aware of my inexorable exit from this arcane temporary stage.