Another Computerised Journal. [typed sometime between 2008 and 2010]

I laugh when I think about the stupid things I have done. It seems, though, when I make a decision to do anything, I end up thinking it is stupid. Sometimes, though, I cringe at knowing that it was actually me, and I actually did and can never undo that stupid thing, like going to my senior prom and actually trying to dance to make a mockery of myself and everyone at my senior prom.

I was reminded of prom by reading the First Pages of John Green’s. of vlogbrothers on http://Youtube.com/, Paper Towns. Everyone can only write about his or her own life.

We only watch movies. They don’t help us understand life any more. We shouldn’t waste our time with these short meaningless movies. We should spend time with long detailed research projects. We should be like Noam Chomsky.

I got a call from the State Park yesterday. Last night in bed, I thought, Okay I have four full days to worry about what I am going to do wrong that will ruin my chances of having that job.

I have no practice. At anything. I can waste time very well. Like this. Typing this is fantastic waste of time.

Okay, so I’ll keep at it.

I am fed, clothed, sheltered, rested, and free of illness (perhaps), so what then? I can do whatever I want? I should help others into similar situations. I find that admirable but difficult. I can ponder existence if that is what I feel like doing. You can go help the needy if that is what you need to do. Is that what you want to do? It gives you pleasure, but not the same as watching a funny movie. Existentially rewarding it may be. Closer to the meaning of life it may bring you. Is that a place you want to be though? Yes, maybe.

Seeking immediate pleasure is a waste of time. Who has it figured out? What is this path of a life that is correct? It is more than just choosing this right path or this wrong path. There are no paths, just an infinite field. How can I say that people do more than just what they do with no reason or explanation?

It is hard only because you are you and you have to be you.

Okay, why not, I’ll let this explain anything.

Goodnight, kjfdbabne’onbflx.djofagh[r vr85yu9m8av h r/hn vaorng’ zag ‘abn