My mother thought it might rain today. It was cloudy earlier but now it is sunny. I want to go outside and I will. Mom said she might come home early today. I took a nap. I listened to ASMR. I watched porn and masturbated. I watched and listened to Better Caul Sall commentary.
I ate a bunch of junk. I felt bad weird anxious sad. I saw a missed call on my phone. I am afraid that Anna called me. The number has the same first 3 numbers as my number. 779. I am afraid to call the number back. I am afraid to talk to Anna, or anyone, or see anyone. I wonder what I'll eat for dinner. I want to watch a really good movie. I have had The Tale of Princess Kaguya for many months. I want to watch that this week.
Aaron and I talked about moving to Canada. He to Toronto and I to Vancouver. I want to send some emails to WWOOF hosts near Vancouver. I want to leave in July.
I just googled "WWOOF vancouver" and was reading a website about Blue Jay Lake Farm. Parts of it make me cry and laugh, because I get so excited and happy when I imagine living and working there as a part of my life.
I like the name of the organization SOIL, Stewards of Irreplaceable Land.
I imagine being on a farm, thinking about interacting with nice people, thinking about what to do next and how best to do it, and wanting to cry, because it does not seem real and seems too much for me.
That is why I keep giving up and wanting to do nothing.
I am signing up for WWOOF Canada membership now.
Our food becomes our bodies.
we become aware of ourselves and everyone and the future.
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