• decorator


• oath


• psychiatrist


• committee


• doughnut


• dinosaur


• alarm
• • parity
  
  
  • pear
  
  
  • beggar
  
  
  • reform
  
  
  • essay
  
  
  • whiteboard
  
  
  • fireworks
  
  
  • publicity
• stock market


• radio


• trap


• tray


• news


• calculator


• divorce


• strategy

edddddddd

I'm tired. I have barely been awake for 12 hours. Kit and I went on a bike ride for less than ten miles, about an hour. I'm listening to Colour Green. It's deep. I listened to Tonight and looked at the Gustav Klimt calendar and cryed a little. "Calendar" is a nice word. Penelope-of Montreal. I wanted to go outside so I started to get the mail, and I thought of taking out the trash, then I got excited about throwing away the cookie cake that Kit brought today. After I threw it away, I thought of how to explain why to Kit. I want to spare us the physical trauma of eating it. We'll eat way too much junk anyway. I imagined seeing Ashley. I wanted to make myself feel more than I usually feel. I sang in my head, I see you coming for me - I know I am not anywhere - Can I speak without moving? - Can I speak without thinking? - How strange the waves of color seem - They are known by what we make of them - They are what they are. Now I want to add "without us" to the end.

How do we describe something separate from us? How do we know anything

Tears forming. I hope I make Aaron proud by following this wondering. I masturbated to Andrea's profile picture. It felt really good. It felt like she was looking back at me. She looks displeased or something.

Thursday, Kimberley asked for my help tying string to chalk. I held the chalk as she tied. Her fingers bumped and brushed mine. She asked me to rotate the chalk and I did. I wonder if she wanted to touch me. I felt weird when I walked away. There was a young tall blonde tan girl at Howson. She checked out a Murakami book from me. I looked at her eyes when I told her the due date. She sat at a table. She was with a shorter paler girl, maybe her sister. Both were (or are, I hope they're still alive) pretty. She checked out something else from me later. I glanced at her and the other a few times. I thought I should say something to her, at least about Murakami, even though I know almost nothing about him. I hoped my coworkers did not think I was staring at them, lusting. She could have been younger than 17. That would be great.

I looked at the Conspiracy set for a while. I am well set in the idea that my bros and I will draft it, wasting money and, more upsetting, time. I looked at Gillian Jacobs online (I wonder how old she is. Barely older than me I think). Dan Croll is twenty-four. He was twenty two when he debuted his music. Hopefully I can use the words I wrote these many years and create something good.

I always do. Doing suff. So, I am ginna ebbe be be bne ba bbe      edddddddd

Etta Wine Tease

betterbetterbetterbetterbetter. Tingling, cuming. I now near never please how grape.

My hair is shoom. It is. Berry and willful. Qweesh. I tip.

A solid song beeps six six zero. Playing gets gar... I went.

Push backwards. Camel times ride slick heat. I beat freak with beet.

Sock hole groans put house to same. Helluva. Bastery. I pick sleep.

Cross pope. Peep slow poppy does. Osteridge. Parkley. I pain plain.

Bitter sweeps nobs tucking French pop toasters site closers. Ips. I am soak bleep upper soon.

Baby rat corpse and nest of large gnats. We are being digested. We try to leave the treacherous magical mansion. Open the door in the painting behind the plant. She is evil. We are dead.

Why.

It can be so sad. I can be.

I'm at home. It's almost sunset. I just watched a throat fucking video and came on some toilet paper. I ate ice cream, chocolate sauce, cheese and triscuits (what a clever name! shouldn't they be triangular?), milk, whipped cream, more chocolate sauce, and shrimp flavor Ramen noodles.

I am living exactly like I was eight years ago. It's like I'm on high school summer vacation. I hate work. I don't care about anything. I don't wanna do anything. Storytelling is a weird movie. Let me just spend another eight hours on the internet alone...

I watched three episodes of 30 Rock. Work did go pretty well. I am very happy to have tomorrow off. Howson on Saturday will probably be pretty easy. My memory is pretty good. I can make myself care enough in most situations. I hate driving sometimes, or hate that I have to drive, or hate that my seat doesn't move forward anymore and my shoulders and chest and neck hurt.

Curses Fired - Natureboy... GTA 3, Tony. You - Gold Panda ... Cameron's Dad's glass garage ravine.

I figured out the square root rule in Towards Self Meaning. I heard a cool Canadian band called Ought. When I heard the DJ say it, I thought Ott... like Ottawa {: Capital. How trivial.

Gotta drive to Austin early again. I want to go outside. What do I need to do? I need to use money at a farmers market (not Sprouts, a real one.) Haha, It's so funny that I worked there for 6 months. Sort of sad. It was pretty easy. I hope that this library job doesn't fall apart. Or that I don't fall apart at it.

I really want to know all about how and why animals live off of other living things.

I took a break. I listened to youtube songs, Lower Dens and Cocorosie. It's an hour and half since I started this post. Heather Graham is on Twin Peaks now. Log Lady touched the Colonel's face.

I did some square roots. Not seeing any meaning. I walked outside. The soil looked fertile and alive. I could sort of feel the churning and the growing. Plants are amazing, chemicals, water, sunlight.

I peed out back. I ran towards the house and looked at the blue sky. I jumped over the pile of deck boards.

Buddy followed me around the property.

I have four months to find a better way to live.

Flying dogs. Paw five toes. Four feet. Coyotes... Grizzly. Communication techniques. Picnic skill. Body talent.

Got to sleep a lot, sleep is wonder... or the opposite. You can't make a fist holding hands.

Oh dam. Liquid gold.

Whirlpool

Hello, forty fornicator.

I was very against class and work today. I wanted to go to sleep at the wheel of the car and crash into a ditch and talk to the tow truck driver about how weird and lonely we are.

I think my eyes involuntarily closed during training. Then he said Cheryl, addressing me. I started. I woke up significantly when he talked about the print cards and I said I got one a year ago. I felt alive, then I got extremely bored and tired again.

I wrote what seems like a good poem yesterday. Domino is extremely annoying.

One more day of work. I was disappointed when I realised I could not sleep in Friday because of my Stacy appointment. I usually feel like getting out of bed on my off days anyway. I just wore a T-shirt and dirty sneakers to Pleasant Hill. I helped one customer and spent the rest of the time on the computer. Sometimes people don't scare me.

I am sitting badly, and I wanted to stand here while I typed... I caved unconsciously. Now I stand up.

Stretching my neck... Oh, I really wanted to type my confession that I masturbated to porn last night. Quite crappy. It had been almost two weeks I think. That may have been why I was so tired today. Or lack of food. I was hungry and ate 2 ounces of peanuts from Faulk break room vending machine.

Last night alone at Mom's, I watched ASMR and old Apprentice eh vlogs... There are usually one or two redeeming things in my constant selfish indulgence, aka life. {: haha, so negative. The videos were not redeeming, they were indulgence. Food was indulgence.
I went out to the street at 9pm. I looked at the sky and the shapes and shadows and colors made me laugh with joy. I guess twilight starts after sunset... Haha! It is extremely fun to look on Wikipedia at the technical definitions of dusk and twilight. books movies fans

I'm hungry again. I got to go feed the dogs soon. I wanted to wait for Pat to wake up... Monday it was almost 7 pm when he got up, Whuuuh?!

Got to email ... AH I AM SITTING AGAIN. email Aaron about the square roots.

The Head and the Heart.

Summertime.

Synthesize.

Ok, Bye

I saw the hour hand and thought it was (:45... 9:45. It's 9:15 pm. Almost four hours at Mom's house gone. I'm listening to Everyday Robots again. "Lonely Press Play" is exactly what I do. You're not resolved in your heart. How everyday.

How to be and to have. I started a new ASMRrequests video. I watched Take This Waltz shower scene. My shoulders and chest are crap. Eating pain.
I heard Camper Van Beethoven on KUTX today. Take the skinheads bowling is amazing. Now listening to Telephone Free Landslide Victory. Super title.

Cramped up, curled out, cooped on.

K see ya {: I. Try. Aaron, humanity, eternity, present, strength, moral. Y o Si

Me.

like I can possibly care.

So boring I am nearly unable to stand up...

I thought, I hate this... Then I thought... That's not good to think. Maybe it's not true and maybe I will believe myself. Maybe I hate myself. I thought, I love this... I think, I love myself...

Emma and I sat in the break room, barely moving or making noise. I was reading about a fictional step-mother.

I tried to talk with Kathleen about futures...

I am listening to Liars - Mess

Rock and Roll ego.

Walking back from Pleasant Hill, Endless Nonsense.

It's 5 pm. Pat is asleep. I saw him for a minute when I got home an hour ago.

Time goes so fast.

Domino is on my bed. I saw a guy with three little dogs in front of Centennial Place. Pets are a waste of time. Every capable person needs to do all he, she or ze can do.

I saw that word, 'ze', on sexplanations. One day recently I watched a bunch of those videos. Dr. Doe seems real cool.

I watched 5 or so episodes of 30 Rock last night.

Very insane in what I do.

Everything mixed up. Very blank mind.

Stupid cake eating... WAste, wastes, wasting, wasted, waster.

Apologizer.

Boner.

Screw balls.

I like didn't know who I was, where I was, what I was doing, systematic robot, you know humans.

OK.

Why does this never help?

I walked with AAron. I keep trying not to cry and sometimes I smile and lauugh...

Moon cloud tree night. Hair eyes voice words are not made of language. Language expresses words.

And all. Bears. Shawn   and    Mom...   happy   to    be    happy

forgot. Oh well

deep than a friend then a forced interaction with a frightened stranger of all not even close to you or anyone ever

Tigers broke free, took my daddy from me. Most of them dying. Already for a new transition challenge. Multi-phase 4 dimensional pursuit plastic adult toys for dead brains to smell tidy fingers afternoons exchange possum lives for free time idle angler boat feet sailing sperm ocean wisdom dike sable coat surly courier adolescent ancients redefine grains keep teeth red red hoping smiles design attract circus purpose quit quiet label nose noise shirk appliance grace greet metal hearts.

That's accurate.

Tim Fite. Chelsea and Tim Wredberg should be here sometime. Hopefully he'll bring cat litter. I can hope. I can wait. I can't hold it in... any... any... more... {: haha little boy, Scrreaaammmmssss.... Be peace.

Minnesota Dream Factory

Minnesota dream factory

car report

Blue icicles reflect swift grey clouds

arm tendons

Broken car in the road

sheer bone

Yell in the rearview mirror

bad eyes

Brakelights in the exhaustfog

fat burn

Cold water flows into nostrils

crunching bloodsnow

Guarantee on medicine bottle

seething pain

Sad baby woods prophet

new plains

Quest wheat stranger house

flood boss

Single outer hobble ditch

swine press

Operation gate at forty hours

I was preparing for a zombie apocalypse. I had an ax, but it was too heavy. I looked for a pickax. I found a long double sided limb cutter I guess. It was big but light. I swung it around and imagined I could kill zombies with it. It looked sharp. I was at a store looking for something. Vince from vitamins was there.

I am a little disappointed that I watcht porn and masturbated last night, for the first time in maybe two weeks. I am not as ashamed as I thought I would be. I thought I would be too ashamed to do it again, but I guess I've just been wasting every moment of every day, so I didn't see it as a step down or backward.

I feel distant from Aaron. I want to see him and talk with him, so that I can care more about being a better person. I have been extremely lazy. I need to get groceries, but I have put it off for three days or something. In the morning I think I'll get them at work, then at work I think I'll get them later.

I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens, Greetings from Michigan, in reverse song order starting with "Oh, God, Where Are You Now".

I thought about masturbating again a few minutes ago, touching my nipples while watching Coffeh Time. I'm really sick sometimes. I made some strong espresso, about two cups of it I guess. It's coursing through my veins.

It's beautiful music. Beautiful spirit. Jake invited me to see Boyfrendz last night. I forgot until I had passed the exit and I didn't want to go. Work is pretty dumb. Wasting almost 9 hours. Well. Money is useful I'm sure. "Money can't buy happiness... It IS happiness." - Jacky D. Oh. I did watch that last night.

Sweet boy voice... Spices... Mother... I want to find where I wrote about what Spring and Summer mean for my life.

I need to look thru my entire note spiral I guess. BASTROP STATE PARK, YOUNG BITCH, gentle love everlasting.

It's after noon. I am a question mark, body, mind... "release" Blackalicious, Saul Williams, Other guy asaain

The west coast of America.

Bill Bailey Bill Callahan Fistful Of Bills Don Cheney George Jacobs DJ Harris.

George Elliot WAS a woman. Wonder, to, too, all ways. Be a whey, weigh, down, hairb, alls. Hasboro, Haribo, Bear, Cutting, Cutey.

Lactose. Scholarly purist

Qweent ladle I-Land vill age.






Anne         .....        ost  .......     ..........   mostghosthostloastboastcoast

Just because I'm the opposite, doesn't mean that you're the truth

Just because you're not the truth, doesn't mean that you're a liar

When we go outside, we go outside for the fourth time

When we go outside, the outside speaks to us so deeply

We awake from our wakefulness, then we get sleepy

I dreamed that Pat bought me two boxes of cracklin' oat bran and they were stacked up on the shelf.

Kit, Pat, Tim and I journey through a city. We crawl along the top a fence under several overpasses. The daytime sky is completely blocked and it's dim. The land is undeveloped and covered with green plants. I see some sketchy men walking around, and I try to act like I am supposed to be there and try not to acknowledge them. We are escaping something/someone. We sneak into a large house. I think it's night. We are in the innards of the house. I hide behind some master bathroom closet wall panels, my brothers behind me. A man gets out of bed and comes into the bathroom turning on the light. I can see clearly through cracks and I am scared of being caught. The man comes right up to the wall. I try not to make any noise. Somehow I am on the other side of the wall and seen by the man. We stand still looking at each other and I try to think of what to say.
Kit and I are in the attic and we take a rope down a chute directly to the basement. We try to find a way out of the house or at least the basement. We find a way into the kitchen. It's a very old house. It's like a kitchen with a staff cook and cook's quarters. We help Tim get through a passage... It's gone from my mind.

OH DREAM

HENTAI FACEFUCK! Never ending... Oh, I have to go. I have to let it go.

I have been typing.


I listen to Life without Buildings. Should "without" be capitalized?


I had STRAANGE email exchange with Aaron. Or maybe it was average, but I feel so strange... to myself.


I am compulsively triple spacing this BIYATCH!

utt sloww
Also taking my clothes off. I need AIR I NEED SPACE I NEED LIFE I NEED TO LIVE! _{: Goash dorn I am so happpy, my beard come back, slow b - i accidently put the rest of this part at the beginnning of this paragraph.....

Everything has to be correct.


Her voice and style and words are wonderfull.


"Holding you is like the new past...."


Just  so  Perfect

Like  slam  poetry


Not even like lotus leaves.



I ate  two  toaster strudels and drank coffee


Insane.      



A girl at work made an announcement that had a rhythm to it. Reminded me of Iambic Pentameter. How people naturally talk in a pattern... it makes things easier.


Bye, I have to shower, maybe. I want to shower and eat... I'll eat eggs...


Bye

I get up early on my days off. Because of obligations, but I still like it.

You stick to me, like I am made of something sticky.

If I were made of glue, I would never come close to you.

I had such weird dreams that I feel like I didn't sleep in my bed last night.

I forgot where I was not, but I know where I was.

Molten Light is stuck so deeply in my head.


I have ASMR video on, Olivia's Kissper, hair sounds.

I am going to see if Jubilee has a new video and watch it.

I am only wearing underwear. I shaved my face, but I already typed that on this blog. I watched at least 5 episodes of 30 Rock today/tonight. I thought as I was watching, I am addicted to this. It's so difficult to face reality, I need this constant distraction, familiarity, sarcasm, silliness... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my body, sleepy.

I was thinking a lot.... I almost saw Aaron after I saw the dentist.... I got sweaty. I drove with the windows down. I listened to the Flaming Lips, trying to find the title of Pilot Can at the Queer of God... It's lovely.

I had a strange complex time at Fisherman's Park, for almost two hours. I saw a woman, who looked like she had just left work. all in black. I saw a fishing man wearing a black cast on one of his legs.


Bridgett Came over to work out with Pat. We watched the first twenty or so minutes of O Brother. And the first part of The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec... It's a weird one. Not really good weird.

I     Love      You

Good          Bye

Milky guns

Oh my God. I just listened to Kevin McDonald talk for 15 minutes and I thought he was Mark McKinney. I thought wow his voice is weird and high and fast... I am a little disappointed, but I like Kevin, and I like this interview. This will change my thoughts of the Kids, especially Kevin. I want to watch/listen to Mark now, because he's my favorite. I guess because I want to be him, because he is handsome and funny.

Canana... Nada. It's like a misty illusion. Like Heaven. Like Mom's attic. Mysteries.

GOD,

Stacy called a few minutes before I needed to leave for our appointment. She has car trouble. She is very nice.

There is nothing today. I thought I would see Pat yesterday. I like it more this way. I watch too much 30 Rock I'm sure. I love it a lot. It stopped making me laugh, and now it makes me really happy.

You - Gold Panda

Ambient. A girl called Candice and I could talk. A man named Cornelius and I made a connection. Things became real.

Well, I just saw Stacy anyway. She called about 15 minutes before our appt. I got there just in time.

It was semi-useful to talk to her... I felt a little rushed and in-genuine. I wasn't always sure what I was saying. I fell into an old pattern of speech.

I am so afraid of wasting time time now now. Repeating the dumb past.

I have to do something to change things. Change myself. I shaved my face...

I am listening to Jorge Regula... SOmething slowly sweetly beautiful incomprehensible.

True laughter. Lilting voice. Unstoppable smile. Where is she? What the heck am I doing? Why am I sitting like this? Why am I typing this?

I should eat some eggs I think I want to see Mom real bad. I thought of going to Bastrop, familiar, safe... unchallenging, masturbation, self-pity, filth, laziness to the extreme... FUNK!

Pixies! Oh lordy, I am who I was, I shall be who I shall be. Music, talking. I miss Chad. I feel obligated to Ashley. We need to turn our past time together into something useful that helps us to become who we really are.

Single Frame, SO DAMN ALONE! I am NOT INSANE. I should call Mom. I know I am desperate.

I am twenty four and almost another half a year... I need to have something real and solid when I am 25. That is the official cutoff for adults.

I have to figure things out. I hate ads so much. I mute them on Spotify.

Have to try so hard. Have to care so hard. Not about anything, but about the things I actually care about, which I won't automatically know.

There is everything left to try. Stupid words. I have been careless far too long.

All these songs are about time. We cannot comprehend it...

It's more important to think of it as life that must be lived. Live has a specific definition. Living is very different for every person.

Jesus was born again yesterday. I know how he was resurrected. SImple Math Solution really. I write it on the stone wall... All the kind white people wearing scarves and boots walk by it and glance at it, ewait, double takje... Buh, boo, I seen it all... Dun, For Now, We can kill off that species...

How do I make this?

Can we even understand?

I am not myself. I want pizza and ice cream. I want to orgasm and ejaculate so that my genitals fly off and I never see or feel them again.

I want to bite the ground. I want to be so sure that it makes me cry from purity of thought.

Empty. I used to be even better. I am beginning to believe in truth.

So Jesus God Farming Painfull P A N E F U L L Pee ee why ay why en eff ell ell ... Bust. Boom. I have to say. I have to cry... I am a lone god. I wish I were flying in the sky above the magnificent calm infinite Earth.......

Not a choice. I am being myself, mom. Be me too. I want this easineessssss

My hands are my life

I have to choose

choose life

you said it first

are you flirting with me

you want to eat a cheesy hamburger

actions take words

actions take an initiator

Where did it all come from

what is all of this

what is anything

question

i felt so strange

this is me

I have a name

I am in this body, in this time and space... whatever that means to whatever is not in time and space

Just        wow


OK

moving on

Some thots before sleep during ASMR by pigsbum53. I listened to a man sing a song on youtube. His name is Thomas Baxter. Winter in Canada. I left him a comment. There must be even lonelier people than me. There must be many people just like me, who record their thots somehow like this. And people who have made even more digital files... Where is this blog actually stored. There must be a physical space wherefrom I access these years of words. Hmmmmmmm, phisics.. Meaning, Self... Moving, electric, person, growing, learning, becoming, demanding.

Anything. I feel surges across my skin, nervousness, excitement, relaxation, resolve, humanity, conscience, ... I want to be more personal. I want to be more myself. I want to have more control... I tell Stacy that all the time. I really cannot let myself do stupid things anymore. I will own my mistakes and fix them, fix the causes... Goddamn Cornelius, we had a nice talk, he said he'll really miss me, because I am a genuine guy. I worked up the courage to thank him and talk a bit... God... I thought about why it makes me want to cry... I asked myself what the problem is. I want to know why I am afraid. I want to know why we act this way. I want to know why these things seem natural. I saw a woman and walked into the backroom at Sprouts. I felt that life was a video game. I was just too detached. This supermarket was just as ridiculous as a video game. All these orders and obstacles... Just so unquestioned... It's insane. It's a deep rut in history. I really need to go to the farms with Aaron. I just want to talk with him again. I still have to slow down. Meditation, relaxation. Reflection. Judgement. Decision. Action. I can behave how I believe. I will, will, Human Will.

God is an animal. Blood is new food. I am a gobbler of new technology. I am wishbone activist. I am scolding Teapioca Residential Manager... Waste is deep hole. Waste is a lost world. Waste is my biggest fear. Time is my most persistent antagonist. I struggle to conclude. I beat on the inner walls. Permanent. Loss. Complete defeat, scorching regret. I am positive I am ion. Hubris... Why I am I a weird word?

Correct, Simple, Turbulent, Night. After Effect, Slow Reel, Movie Excellence. Where is it gone? Why don't I...................................................................................................................................................................................................................... just can't just think. Rotten Core. I stared at Vines Today. I wondered. Jesus And Mary Chain and Dean and Foooood? Many dumb angles... Many repeated results of a failed experiment.........

Lost, lone. Woods. Perfect village wanderer. Capitalism. Parade, magazine, trash, litter, puppies, career, union job, trash cans, dumpsters, land fills, vegetable gardens, human sphincters and shit, sewers, toxic lake, human vomit, man hole, utopia. Umbilical, sever, gross, grow up, adult, develop, human Being, acknowledgment. Hula hoop, pubic bone, holly Krishna, magical specter, divine Being.

Cross imagine... Criss cross, Human Belonging... Linger... Growth Bravery surprise success. Tennis class. Human connection, human condition, Human understanding, Human discovery of human purpose, universal actuality, sunrise, new day, superhero, hurry, understand, fall away the bad habits, need the wonder, impassable beauty, uncompromising way of living in tune with the unforeseeable future, Good Is Good, what is this, where will it go, what do I do, what is good. Efficient and beneficial. Improving. Solid, steady, safe. Appreciative. Grateful. Loving. Caring. Honest. Having. Owning. Sharing. Reasonable. Kind. Motivated. Kids. Kissing. Attraction. Power. Supine. Science. Life long, lasting, open, intense, infinite, school, Process. Grind up the meat. Put it in a tube. Leaving, leaving, human, father, owner, purest protecter. Obvious, alone, surreal, above, out there, ever present, consistent. Up bouncing. Cool retard recess. Best Person to do work on this subject, a surface, a table, a lamp, a lantern, a heat energy light chemistry. I have eyes. Person seeing. Person inside. A right way. An untraveled route. Bastrop Intermediate School Athletic Field trees old neglected wooden shack, Arriving at the instant forever, sign /O, SLAP! FUSION     never the same, flowing flowing flow

The Policies of Edwin Fernuckle, LLC

a Charming Novella for the Ever-Expanding Youthful Mind

Edwin Fernuckle is born on any ordinary Monday.

Youtoob Drewawm

I find the appreantice eh crew filming an episode of table top, then I find out one their good friends died, and Corey and Sakia get a call at the sametime and start crying. His name is Andrew and he looks like Geoffrey from game of thrones. The rest of them start guessing what happened and Corey can't say, one guesses the Andrew died. I ask Corey if he wants me to tell them. He nods a little, so I say He did die.

April 18, 2014

I woke up before 7 am. Domino was buggin me. I watched two Good Mythical Mornings and Mores. I ate three scrambled eggs and vanilla granola, milk and coffee. I sang in the shower. I drove to work. No traffic. I got there 30 minutes early, sat in my car, and read some Towards Self Meaning. I had to poop, so I went in and did. I greeted Joe and Jake and Brian. I double checked my schedule. I had been worried that I was mistaken. I wasn't scheduled until 2:30, so I left. It was fun and weird to be there when I would usually be sleeping. I thought I would visit Ashley until work, but I forgot it was Friday and she was working. I texted her, then corrected myself later. I texted Mom just to let her know my mistake, and that I felt good about getting out early and it's better to live in rhythm with the day.

I drove to Wild Basin Preserve. I walked down the trail slowly, trying to look closely at the far away trees. I took some dumb pictures of myself. I sat on a bench at the vista and tried to read some Self Meaning. People came along. An old man and young girl talking loudly about camping. I was excited about interacting. I liked the girl's face. I looked at them and said Hello, the man said Howdy. An old Asian couple walked up from the other direction, I said Hello he said Hi. A group of kids with a few adults came along. I left to go to lunch at Pappadeux's with Kit, Lorena, Mom, and Jan. I said Hello to everyone I passed. I worried about the kids' education. One was playing the harmonica. I liked him. I heard someone say Is there a way to frack  for oil without doing any harm? Something like that, and I felt better that conscious caring adults were with the kids. I said Good day to the last couple I passed. They said Hi in unison, and the woman sounded weird {:

I drove for way too long. I forgot where 290 is. I got frustrated. Lunch was tense. It was good to see everyone. I did not enter into conversation. I was in a bad spot by the kitchen. It seemed loud to me. I imagined Kit seeing me and thinking I am autistic because I was uncomfortable with all the activity and socializing. The food was OK. We went to Furniture Row. Kit pointed out Emerald Tavern, a gaming cafe. Mom and talked about how familiar we are with Furniture Row and we like it. It's quiet. I walked around, thinking that Kit might be thinking I am wasting my life or I'm just waiting for my shift. I knew I was wasting my life. I could have tried to talk to them or left and read Towards Self Meaning. I got a quarter from Mom and got some Reese's Pieces. I sat in Jan's chair. I hugged her and Mom. I worked.

I saw ASMRrequests... I was so nervous my head almost exploded. I saw her son. They were both cute and got along with my new coworker, Cornelius. Her son was chasing Cornelius, and I felt like the world was perfect.

I'm listening to Daniel Johnston. He can be so sad and so sweet and simple and brilliant all at once. Haha, I remember Jad Fair's voice now...

Am I gonna change? Life is going to change. I am going to sleep. I gotta pee. I will not dwell. I will myself to excel.

I wrote, Be yourself, on the sign in sheet at Wild Basin.

Suzanne to Michele (Like I Was Young)

I like it when, my hands are messy
I like it when, my lips are never dry

I like to poop, and fill up the toilet
Gee I want, your insides inside of mine

I like it when, I am never singing
I like it when, you never say goodbye

I have, everybody's number
We're all best friends, No you may not have mine

I love you when I find you when you're lost
I make life better, because I have nothing

I ask you why, when you're building a spaceship
You say I'll die, if I ever quit

Rice and beans are a healthy alternative
to actual food, just ask my old guy

Slapping happy drunks is great exercise
But you probably won't, because you're overweight

Vernal Moon is double vision at night
Scrap your yard and get over it on a plane in sight

Local flair stops the great injustice
Silly pair of new babies and sweet loafs

Time Test

1. 10 seconds
I got 9.904 seconds

2. 30 seconds
I got 27.512

3. 1 minute
I got 1:15.891
wups

4. 5 minutes... Eech
3:58.821

I won't do this anymore... Pretty bigwaste.

All my first tries, no counting.

I'll take you and make you myself.

I gotta believe I can make it by myself.

I must remember that this is life and I am alive right now and every moment matters... Then I'll do something that I and everyone care about.

I hate porn. I hate poooorrrrrnnnn. I hate poooooorrrn!

I live in the comic book stooooooorrrrreee!!!

Cyou're my diabeteeeeeees

I troubled past and new years prostotulution.

Sooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwah, a dog shoots your face and you say I'm getting into poolitics.

I'm a dood. You're a GoBot. I play ratchet ball. You work too hard to hurdle a burly boy at the races in Greenwich.

Is it possible to overcome this diet? Am I a full human? Am I able to search deeply enough and bring up

Wheer's Peabuddy? Wheer's Buddy? Wheer's PeaBODY? Oh Emerson, you're so cute, I wanna dance on your grave. Youre like a hampster in a cage, never living, never a part of yourself.

Weer gonna live so well, you won't believe you survived the last decade and a half.

I wanna slap you like a baby. I wanna regain our homeland safety.

I'm not cured. I'm not even bacon. I have to take a huge shit, Clementine -Sarah, mercy.


The sky of the yard is alive with fly fly buggs... Doug, die, kill, maybe, baby, sorry, completely, sun brother.

Eyes and Bowels ...  Chairs are made to be indifferent.

I strongly overcome the cake. I overpower all my senses. I sense beyond my senses. I am at peace with my desire to understand what cannot be sensed.

Trilogy of Otters. Persistently Perforated Space

Taper .... Trail .... Dissipate

Red River

Only thinking occurs

The powerful, the dead, the naked (the wanting)

You are poor. You don't owe me anything.

Go ahead, when you're ready, step aboard.

Go ahead, if you love me, step aboard

Montgomery Clift is attractive. Dunson is a psychopathic murderer.

themes of empathy and constructive wise caring. Sacrifice of lives for more lives and a better way of life. Sacrifice of pride and control for respect and equality. 

I never like seein strangers. No stranger ever good news'd me. 

I love Groot. How strong is Miss Malay? Shooting at Dunson and Matt was ballsy, or clitorisy.

Difficult things made less difficult.

She said "talk" ten times in less than a minute when she found Matt in the fog. The mist on their faces was beautiful.

At The End, I raise my my arms above my head and think, I am God.

Unguided Meditation

How not to care

Be tired from food water and body.

LOUGOW - - Danielson ... Alex Ramirez ... Some one else ... R UR EYES

So Anything

I am

I try

No, I lie

Creep

Weirdo

Young Girl, young girl in love ... I never said ... I never say anything ... I can't hide this from him.

You'll see it. Don't be it ... Do your dreams

White Girl, Cannot Heavy Me Asleep Wandering Energy Transfer Blockage Host Parse Low Flow Lost Little Elves

Partially Particular about his TV and his TV dinner, sad sack sad sag sad gut sad scrotum butt

If a dick had an asshole, she said.

I am mad. I don't believe what's true. I am this. I am he. Gregory. I marry her. Sorry in Canada, Murder and Functional Specialization, prairies, poppies, sunnies, milkshakes, poutines, happy goats, organized trash, recycled lives, habitual good fortune, Asian Food Restaurant, Bamboo Straw Mats, Girl with Dark Hair and a Singing Voice, A TV turned off, Just answered all our own questions ....

PS - Why don't we have a garden yet?

Peeps, try harder, you know you want to.

Please. I love you. Full

Good Enough

Behind the bathrooms I saw you crying
You're visitors pass won't save you from dying

Every second I choose to wait
Is another bear claw in your brain

Superficially supersede selfish dreams
Seen a lot of shit or so it seems

Beautiful things and and tidy people wait in a row
Today never ends until tomorrow

God will live. Part of us is gone.
Just remember that nothing is ever forgotten

Please ask me questions I've already answered.
Please piecefully rationalize the infinitely absurd

Quotes from the half-clean bathroom wall
Teach us that one can never represent all

I ate a doughnut stuffed bagel for every meal
I wish you were a beggar too proud to steal.

Some summers leave more sun inside.
It's better to fall in love than be a bride.

My hands are stiff around your cold neck.
Growing up is harder than I could ever expect.

Sweet scents lead me into subtle sin.
Maybe you are the path where I begin.

Dude walks into bar. Asks the Bar T, Where can I get a gin rummy in this town? Bar T says "You're already here, Stupid!" Dude starts crying and runs away! Bar T turns to the other bar attenders and says,"What? His name is "Stupid"

The Rest

God wants me inside of him.

I wish I were you. When I go outside, I feel the big blue sky is you and I.

Where is Pat?

I have always known who I am. I know my name and my past. I know what I will do with the rest of me.

Indoors... life is left behind us, the rest is left ahead. We are sweetly swept through the doorway.

God, please correct me if I'm wrong.

This Life

I guess I have to say that I got it all figured out.
Or else what the hell am I gonna do right now?

This life is another way to say,
We have to fight for it every every day.

Thad

SHEDDED

Busted Boone pipes.

He leaves.

Kick him to death. He is unnamed.
He must be trusted. He must be wanted. He must be estranged.

God damn time. He should know. We should have a meeting. We need a new way to go.

Here to there should not be now and then. When should be now. Now should be always.

Hungry. Dragging, smeared, biological colors and textures.

Thad Thack struts into Dillard's wearing faded, ripped jeans, a leather studded vest, and dark sunglasses. He holds a medium Coke in a red cup with a lid and straw. He slides his sunglasses to the tip of his nose with one finger, takes a sip of Coke, and slyly peers over at the women's underwear section.

He hops on his hog and drives up the highway at sunset. He's got a girl on his brain. He swerves to try to squash a squirrel but misses. He drives by a large old tree and thinks of a picnic he had with his mother ten years ago, before she died, but he quickly stifles the memory by thinking of the drive-in diner where he wants to wolf a cheeseburger, french fries with ketchup, and a vanilla milkshake. Gangs of teens swarm on the diner to chill as night falls. Thad pops his collars and judges every one of them to be brainless and gutless. He is about to chuck his trash onto the ground and go, when he sees Stacy roll by, being driven home by her straight-laced father. Thad knows she will slip out on her bike to hit the town in less than an hour. He drops his garbage on the black asphalt and peels outta that business. The remains of the burger bleed ketchup, and a fourth of the milkshake dribbles into the cracks.

He tears down the road to the river, where the blackness envelopes lone travelers. He feels like sighing (he doesn't know why), but he burps sharply instead then thrusts wet air out of a nostril, pressing the other closed with a gloved knuckle. At the farthest picnic area by the river, there's a bonfire and twelve motorcycles scattered at the edge of the wide glow. Thad Thack nestles his ride at the end of the driveway, and as he is illuminated, he's met by whoops and shouts and slaps on the head, back, and shoulders. A reclined leather-clad young man with shaggy blonde hair throws him a six-pack of warm beer cans. Thad rips one and drops the rest. He pours the fizzing pale brew into his mouth, crunches the can in his hand, and throws it into the trees. He lays on the ground, puts his hands behind his head, and stares at the smoky stars.
He zones out and his eyes begin to water... He jumps up suddenly, raises his eyes and arms straight up, spreads his fingers to the limit, and yells something profane and thoughtless. Everyone is silent. The gathering fades. Thad drinks two more beers, and one is poured onto the hissing fire.

Thad catapults himself back into town. It's not late at all. At the park he idles and spies Betsy buying two ice cream cones. He follows her on foot, keeping far away. She gives a cone to Stacy, who is sitting by the pond and laughing with Derick. Thad hides behind a bush and peeps. Derick puts a hand on Stacy's lower back, and flames erupt in Thad's eyeballs. He breathes heavily, uncrouches, prepares to charge into unknown conflict, but before he moves off his spot, the world turns upside down, and he hurls his dinner onto the clean grass. The sound attracts everybody's attention. Chuckles fill the park. Thad lies fetally and sideways glimpses Derick take Stacy's hand and lead her away.

Thad rides to the bus station, skids to a stop, and drops his bike. He cranes his necks and scans the street as far as it goes both ways. He rests on the bench for a long time, his head in his hands, taunted by wordless thoughts and indecision. He sleeps on his back. Nothing happens. The blue yellow warm day wakes him. He gets up, cracks all his bones, and starts walking. The crotch of his jeans are damp, and there's dried vomit on his vest. He happens upon his mother's dusty graveyard. He stops and squints at graves behind a chain link fence. He wants another girl. He needs to eat.

Thad Thack steps into Grossman's Pharmacy and spends 2.50 on a chocolate bar and Pepto Bismol.
His feet ache. He wanders into the park, sits, and watches ducks. He never changes. He sighs forcefully and loudly. No one else is there. Sunlight beats on his flesh. He whips out his wallet on a chain. He counts his crisp ones. He has fourteen. He skips toward the highway tossing his bills like confetti. He has totally forgotten about his motorcycle. He bought it used a week ago with money he stole from his aunt two towns over. He sticks out his crooked thumb. Eighteen-wheelers fly by, almost blowing him over. The highway air is dry, his eyes even dryer. Thad Thack blacks out from dehydration. The few drivers who notice his body lying by the road just assume he's supposed to be there and think no more.

Back story:

Thad showed up unannounced at his aunt's house. They had a good relationship, but she was worried that he and his dad had a bad fight. He hung around her for a couple of days and learned enough to withdraw two thousand dollars from her bank account. He had worked with a landscaping crew job to job and saved six hundred dollars cash. He didn't say anything to his father, didn't leave a note, just left on a bus. The nine years since his mother died, living with his father in a shack, going to a dumb school, and working to eat and party, had been long and full of spite, regret, grief, envy, delusion, and boredom.

Sounds sad, don"t it? He breaks it all. He breaks himself. He becomes a piece of the rubble of the landscape of his society. That's how we do. It could be better.

keepp....

bbbbbb

Slacker Drifter Email Aaaron Lonergan

Arran, granola cereal

Sicks Puppy Cock

First National Air Raid Siren

Got Homogeny? Gwen Spethanie. El Speth Domo Genesis, Hodge Podge Goose Pick Deep Pimp Good Power Label Interesting Homogeny Black Sound Perfect Schism All-efant, Purest Purple

Scenic Sink Schenectady, Alabaster Lightswitch, Bone Suede Persuade Dome Pupil Pube Lipo Dump Dimple Dumb Deuche Practical Subble Lie Bulb, Dino Saur DNA O Sore bore essplore core Easy doop dupe scoop numb limber tape screen scream important left remain life houses dopper doppler wade shpeel steal cope hope seep lean coast happen channel cross post lint lent possess appreciate.

Don't wait, expect play act spray spay percept separate indistinguish queesh wojjer quone diss shiver time

Ohs. Pop. loom, boom, with, wish, creep, crease, weep, dish, arrive, plead, won't you, Will, Now, Please, Appease, GOD, oh please, Keep...

Candlewind

I found everyone to be quite boring,
so I wrote a silly story.
It involved two gay men watching each other
fall apart on a candlewind.

I found the whole world to be quite boring,
so I tried writing nothing.
Let's just try to cancel plans.
Let's just try to cancel plans before we make them.

Let's sit outside and watch the wind
blow people past our candle stand.
Men fall over end to end,
burning shorter till they can't,
all extinguished by the wind.

Furtheron

I'm listening to Bill Murray by Phantogram. I woke up at 6 from a carnival of dreams. Now I'm listening to Come and See by Protomartyr. I heard it on KVRX after work driving on 2222 to Jan's. I love the chaos... I meant chorus... {: make a me happyer e'ery day... dairy err... blair evanssss.... Arbucks,,,,,, vluck.

Nuthin'. Some huys masturbated in a sort of movie in my dream and one guy masturbated a horse, they all ejaculated. Oh he ejaculated instead of the horse. Mom later asked me to check the sink (in her house), I figured she meant to check it for semen and I was a little embarrassed. Thankfully it was clean. but there were some pans on the counter and a puddle of some white stuff that looked like cinnamon roll frosting, but I assumed it was semen, so I covered it with parchment paper... I was at a gate outside, mom and others went inside, I was stuck outside. There was a hole where men were supposed to put their canes thru and collect them on the other side. I figured I could slip thru it and and join the rest, it was wide and thin, and I put a cane thru to balance myself and slipped thru perfectly. I happily joined Mom then wrote an advertisement for myself as a comedian. I write Boffo! with an upside down ! at the start. I drew a face. I wrote The Best Comic of age 24. I wanted to write Best Comic under 18 or 18 or under, but then I remembered my real age and asked mom how old I was.  .... Tim showed me his video game. I was complex 2D maybe 32 pixels it had a multilayer world map on an island, the game looked just like an old mario, playing as mario, but in in 3 dimensions. he made link one of the enemies.

Now it's almost 7. I;m listening to Twin Peaks by surfer blood.

Combination: Living in my family's decisions, warm weather, bad food, aloneness, internet, silly far away job, fearful wishful surreal dreams, old tv old structures old blankets... I feel I am living the past and I am someone else...Nothing is anything by itself, nothing is same after you think about it...

Two cocks by Lower dens. Kit should be here in two hours and we should be in bastrop in three hours... So Fast, So Soon. Float On... I want to make a table game called Outgrow with totally unique unrepeatable mechanics... So painful to be myself? Or be with myself? By myself? Our perpetual throats. I may call my space story Furtheron.


. .

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It's almost too mucking fuch. Ha, I got away with evil words!

No one is here, here, or here.

I am always alone. Everyone is. Alone together.

Do a friend a favor.

I have less than 30 minutes until I shall leave for work. Lower Dens are Bad ASS!! {: hehe, SXSW affects me slightly.

jake, agent cooper with a patchy mustache finding jacques renault in my dream

The Gifted Children, neutral milk hotel, milk neutrals acid house

all we us, bus to Tacoma, Lewis New troll Mill Coat 'ell, Mutual Nil Code L, Quetzecoatl

Dubious Reluctance Apology Schooner Schematic Roland PG RPG Nude Captcha Capaweara

Pieces of cake being born

You're so much like yourself, that I don't even know anyone else.

What Where Why

What can I do-oooo-oooo

I have thought about you... too much... today

Where can I go-oooo-oooo

where I will want... to... stay


I know exactly how to save my life

It's so easy, I just don't... know why, I haven't tried it before


Or is it just meeeeeee, meeeeeee, meeeeee.... just me, why, oh why... Damn, I can...

I'm alone, and all I want... is the YouTube survivors.

We have survived on YouTube till now...

I'm alive! ... and all I want is to live...

Am I done... I believe, not by a long shot...

So, there you go

I dreamed that Pat Tim and I sat somewhere and I told them my dreams from earlier in my dream.Tim timidly said he dreamed he and Ashley were doing it and then adult cream, his way of saying semen. He didn't finish the sentence, and I saw a mat or something on the floor in front of me and it had different colors written on it and I guessed Orange? and He agreed, so his semen had been orange, but it wasn't disgusting, just a little uncomfortable, and I thought of orange cream, like desserts.

I went to the library and saw Stacy. On the way I knew it would be hard. It was even harder than I thought. I couldn't speak for a few minutes. I kept crying and trying to talk, say anything, but my throat was so tight and I just had to try to breathe. I just decribed things. The trouble comes when I try to explain things I don't understand, especially myself.

I felt all right at the end. My eyes were salty. I drove back to the library. I rolled the car windows down. I went in and talked to Kathleen, thanked her for recommending me, said I am excited about the temp job. I felt very good about doing that. Not just that hopefully Kathleen appreciated it and it could help me land the job, but just to be in control and to follow thru with a good idea and for it to go well.

I read a page of Self-Meaning. It is turning me inside out, as I put it in a text to Aaron. Yesterday, I wanted to say, 'Life is weird' to Chad, but didn't. Then he said to me, Daylight savings time is weird... so I said Life is weird in general, he agreed. Then I said I'm going on lunch, and he said, On that note.. I'm gonna go ponder. I said yeah.

I ate some stuff. I look forward to going back to Bridgett's apartment. I should shower in a minute. I need to leave for work in about an hour. I am not boring. I have about three more days of being alone in the apartment. I see Kit and Mom in two days, on my day off. It's so easy to waste time by doing a job. I don't even want to call it work. Work is supposed to be good. I'm just playing along with tradition to survive.

I'm listening HSPTL by open mike eagle. It's kooky and lovely.

All the paragraphs start with I, Oh Well, Bye, Myself... I'll be you again.

Crazy Late Morning Dreams

Jake, chad and i are closing. In the back, jake calls me to the chip corner. He kneels at a uboat with some boxes. He says that me and Joe need to stop leaving before all the work is done, leaving it for the rest of them. He is upset. His face is angry. He says I went from Kaitlyn to Kate. I think he means which girl I flirted with, or maybe just moving from one checkout line to another. Kaitlyn is the small pretty blonde, who jake is interested in. I don't remember saying much to her. I don't who kate is. I think she may be the black girl, but I don't want to say that becuz it sounds offensive. I ask him who Kate is. He seems confused and more upset. Chad thinks its funny that I ask, like they all think I do know. Jake and I walk off into an airport or something. We sit down at a Mcdonalds. He is moody and I talk to cheer him up. I say, how can you be sad, we're in a mcdonalds and the world is grey. Outside a window it looks grey. I start to ask if he wants a chocolate shake and fries, but really I do, but I'm ashamed so I rethink it. There is a passed out girl, some guys are joking about her or violating her. Then we're in the middle bedroom at Mom's. Guys ejaculate on the girl. Then she's awake, she likes it. A lot of semen puddles around her, but in a pleasant cartoon way. Then we're on a beach at the edge of the water. There is a chubby guy laying in the water being ejaculated on. I somehow got onto a gay porn website. Now I'm at a computer, desperately closing tabs, like someone just walked in. the computer is slow and there are pop ups.

At night, Pat and I, maybe others, drive down a long driveway in the country near bastrop. Pat doesn't know where we're going, but I recognize the area and say we're going to the new Bastrop Opera House, and I've been here once for a school something. It is green and hazy outside. Then we see a big stone sign saying bastrop opera house, and he believes me and I feel validated. We pull up to a cool dark disney-castle-like mansion. Everyone is dressed victorian style. I have a huge fanlike object, like for fanning oneself. But it is a camera. I think about how to use it, where to point it. I am eating it too, it may be chocolate. I have two. I try to take a picture of Pat and Mom and others walking down stairs, lots of colors in their clothes. I don't get it. It is hard to walk down the stairs, they get very narrow, something is written on one, like 'don't step here.' I feel like I'm in heels. Near the front we see a photo of Ashley and some family. She is holding her bare belly a little puffed out like she's pregnant becauze she is. I wonder aloud what she'll look like at nine months. Pat explains that in couple months when she's six months, she'll have a big round belly. I remember and talk about a joke she put on facebook telling Rand Paul he'd better help take care of their baby. Rand paul responded by saying he'd do everything he could to help. I decided it really was rand paul's baby. I joked with pat about him telling the press he did not have sexual relations with that woman, ashley. That it'll be weird that we know that woman. There was some mission or game, like a mystery at the opera house, but all this talk was outside, becauz it is like a ren fest. We don't do or look at anything, just walk and talk. We realize we're at the end then decide to turn around and take part.

Some things have changed me again. Chronological order does not matter to me here. It is late night. I have been at the apartment for almost an hour. I threw away weeks of Domino's waste. I spent a while at Bridgett's apartment. I fed the pets. I had a tickle in my penis, and I thought I was going to poop. I tried to pee, but nothing came out and it stung so much. I just kept crying. I actually frowned too, because the pain, the attention I gave to it, and the reasons for it made me sad. I thought it was just from using moisturizer to masturbate and getting it in my penis, but I got over that initial stinging. I realised tonight that eating and drinking really irresponsibly probably affects my peeing. I think I was dehydrated. I drank a glass of water and another glass of about a fourth cranberry juice and the rest water. I found a bottle of All Cranberry in Bridgett's fridge, and I figured she wouldn't notice some missing. On the note she wrote that I could have the nut balls in the fridge and that they look like turds. They are chocolatey and taste all right.

I am trying to have good posture. I'm not trying hard. My body tingles and aches. I think I might have diabetes. I think it is strongly possible. I am listening to Morning Phase, because it is quiet. I was going to type, "I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor". That is 25 or 6 to 4. What does that mean?

I tried to meet Ashley tonight, but she said she was too tired to do anything, so I did not go to her apartment. I imagined spooning her in my bed. I have to see Stacy Tuesday. No pizza rolls will be wonderful... or some appropriate work. I am sitting back on my bed in a very bad posture. Why is my instinct bad? Who is everyone? My back can't support itself, just like me.

I listened to an NPR show about American side show folk. It was amazing. A woman born with no legs was sold into the circus as a child. She had a good attitude.
- Suddenly very sleepy. I brushed my teeth.-
Some other circus women were interviewed. The program mentioned black people involved in circuses. I thought of The Bluest Eye. It seems like mythology but 100% true.

Also I heard a guy tell his story of having a twisted colon and almost dying. As I sat on Bridgett's toilet and cried due to a burning incapacity to urinate, I looked at my hands and arms, at the pores and scratches, and I re-realized that I have a vulnerable mortal body, and my actions have consequences. I sang a song in which I repeated "I just realised..." many times in a few evolving variations. First "realised" was three syllables then two. It sounded like "Adjust real eyes." At the end, I sang, "... that I'm alive." I think it's a good song. Suspenseful and rewarding, at least for me. So things are slow.

I listened to James' Song from Twin Peaks a couple times just a bit ago. I posted it on facebook. Dumb website for me. I remember last week I was obseesed with Paul F Tompkins. Lots of things are accidents. Sometimes life is better that way, but usually not. We need to mean what we do.

So much... so less... so better... I better... I. Peeing tons of joy and tears.

Where does it end... How late will I be awake... How much shame can I feel... How much of the silly earth can I change... People of earth... What can I do best... Ellipses instead of question marks. I am afraid to ask. No one will answer. I have to answer myself.

Bye Now, By Now, Be Now

Yesters

I work at a hotel place/store. I do stuff. I move a cart a little. There are people. Girl work, talk. Lady tree indoors, raise ceiling, ten feet, grow wide, boss.............

The whale is stuck in jail
The snail is posting bail
The kale is overgrown
The mail is on the phone
The tone is off the rail
The cone is full of shale
The bone is never shown
The cone is in the zone

Dam

Pat and I walk in a large remote park alone. There are small trees and shrubs, it's cloudy, we're in a clearing. He picks up huge rocks and throws them at me for fun, like he wants to force me to move out of the way. It really bothers me. He tries to hit me, throwing fast. I worry that I may not dodge them all. He almost hits me in the knee and the head. The rocks must weigh 30 pounds. I have some kind of small animal on me, like a monkey companion, who I also have to protect.

A man like a professor, like freakonomics, sits at a desk booth thing among objects. I go to him, the space is vague, white. The are some people sitting around some stuff waiting. He asks me questions and does a little experiment. He tells me to forget about all tense, like future. I say I'll just focus on camping tents. He smiles at my pun and says Good joke or something but I see pity in his face. He pours mayo from one jar into another on a shelf. He asks if there's anything other than mayo in it. I say I thought I heard a paper fall into the mayo, but that I think he tricked me. He says I can search thru the mayo. Somehow I associate tense with paperclip, maybe it's tin. He seems like David Foster Wallace. I say there is only mayo and I imagined a paperclip. I tell him I really want to get this right. He says nothing. There are no right answers, he just waits to see my reaction and my ingenuity. There's another experiment when he asks me if I understand by seeing or feeling emotion, is it sensible or intelligible. I say I like to be excited about life. The last experiment is about an old story about an actress who had her big toe cut off. I can't figure it out and I give up and walk away.

I meet Pat. We're in Mom's backyard. He did the experiments too. He tells me about the actress who lost a toe, named Frances B. He succeeded at that part. He teases me for not knowing and slices across the top of my right big toe with a serrated knife, it stings and I'm upset. I try to get away. He laughs and slices again in the same spot. I feel the teeth run along the broken skin. I see a red line across my toe but blood's not coming out.

Wake up scared, make a noise, and toe feeling exposed and tender.

A Poem to Amass in Her Bowels

Don't get a hysterectomy unless it saves your life!

Life grows in you!

You poop joy every day!

Gut-curdling smells are unique and heavenly.

Stop the stomach contents from spewing out your nostrils!

Human organs juggle the chemicals shuffling through space.

Secure your dangling cellular tissues tightly and squeeze the life into yourself!

Shit your body-at-this-time out of the vortex of dark matter!

Retrain your vision on the curious shapes that conspire all around you!

Sell your bladder on the black market.

Burn the house on the farm for insurance.

I stopped loving time.

I crept backwards and found the love deceiving me.

Askew aural prejudice damages our delight, then we fight.

Quick, beat the tortoise to the finish.

Shame won't quit. I'm too ashamed to quit.

Push, push, push, sow sticky hormonal fluid into the crumbly crust!

Reap the baby!

It's enough to be necessary and to feel the heat.

Change Eyes!

I god-damnit jesus-shitting masturbated a few hours ago, and I now I got a tickle in my penis. It's annoying, but it's more annoying that I let myself look at porn and aroused myself.

I was watching Friend Zone. It's still playing on mute.

Yesterday was Tuesday, I volunteered at the library, and I thought This is good (good for me). Work was hard. I ate pizza rolls like I planned. I watched the premier of season two of Twin Peaks; I forgot it is an hour and a half. I like it quite a bit.
When I think of it in Aaron terms, it feels like a waste of time, like a step into a grave. That image pleases me though. It feels like slapping a suffering person in the face. Like I think, "You're life might get better. Someone else can help you, or you can help yourself. My life is great, so I'm just going to do this, because I want to and I feel like it will make my life more complete, but it won't."

I went to Mom's library today, because she wanted to give me Watership Down audio book to give to Tim.

I talked to Aaron on the phone about Tim moving out maybe in May and about futures. He wants me to find a better job or read Improving Moral Decision Making.

I don't want to die? I want to live my full life, like there is some kinda shape in the future that I should fill by making good decisions? What is music speaking to? What does music say to us? Why do we make music? What do we want? Life! When do we want it? Forever. There is some kinda of recording device outside of nature (everything) that makes everything eternal; nothing can be undone or forgotten.

What are we? Exactly what we experience. We must be aware. We must acknowledge the truth. We must take part in creating what is. We must sustain logical progression. We must define ourselves and our context. We must pull ourselves out of the inside and put everything inside ourselves.

I mean it. I don't know what it means. I want to try to be actual and live actually. I want to use life and be of use.

I should apply to Tuesday morning... Dad... Deb... Dead... Daid... Shed... Sabe... Eff... Deaf... Left... Crest... Best... Lest... West... Nest... I am correct... I shall be a beaver... I shall believe the toast of many underlings behaving sorrily toward the highest pleasure and relive the science given in praise of total sincerity.

BI! -GregBerg

This Morning, Time is Careful

Listening to episode 19 of The Pod F. Tompkast. I feel the need to listen to his voice. I woke up for the last time about 15 minutes ago. I skipped the word "die" in my last post. I have been feeling suicidal lately, but more so I've been thinking about suicide. It made me laugh last night. We had a lot to do at work and it was getting late, so I thought, I don't want to do this, I'm going to kill myself, then I felt better and took work less seriously. Tim is playing WoW loudly. He was at Casey's for a while and came back with games. I was pretty hungry and I decided to eat Totino's pizza rolls last night. I did and they tasted pretty good, but I'm ashamed. I also ate ice cream. Hmm.

Some disgusting folded toilet paper stacks with brownish stains on them. Terrence from work figured out that someone's girlfriend, like Tim's, not Chelsea, had wiped her vagina on them and given them to Tim I guess it was as an erotic keepsake. (I think Pat and Bridgett showered together last night after I got here, and Tim and Chelsea did last weekend as I watched a kid's show with Asher. Last night when they went into the bathroom I thought how disgusting it is to me.)
I am at a woodland mansion. It's almost like a secret military complex. There are lots of official men there. There is a canyon and hills. Everything is brown or mossy. There are pipe and tunnels and grate and gutters. There is some complex game happening. There are lots of green M and M's stuck in the pipes. Or something small and round. Guys use long bendy sticks to unstick them. I leave and walk over to the front of the mansion. There are nice compact courtyards with viewing benches. It's a little too enclosed for me. I think there is a front wall. I go inside and I am in the kitchen. It's pretty big. I start to open cupboards to find food. A butler opens a rotating cupboard and spins it to show me what's inside. On the bottom there is a wide roll of butcher paper, and when it spins it looks circular because it's spinning so fast it blurs together. I don't see anything else. I don't remember more.

Bye!! I am going to be my best! See ya Tomorrow!

Not Everything, Not Obvious

I will not say everything. I cannot say everything. I do not want to use the word "everything". I am listening to Michael Showalter's stand up. What's a thirsty animal? That's what he asked. He's so good at relating to people. He is profound talking about the human condition. Ice Cream! I will SOON!!! I am Greg Wredberg. I am 6'1" or something, I weigh about 140 pounds, and I have dark blonde hair and a short scruffy beard. I have blue eyes or green eyes. I am floating on the surface of existence... I'm like a water bug. On this youtube video, there is a picture of Showalter in high school. He or someone has labeled it with all his flaws, making fun of his haircut, clothes, face, acne. At the bottom it says Too many layers and has three arrows pointing at his clothes. Too many layers also describes his way of thinking. He thinks about how others might think of him, he analyzes his own thoughts and behavior. I think I relate to him this way. He is gentle in a bitter way. I am also trying to describe myself. He is describing his three cats and the audience is enjoying it. I work at five and it's 2:43. I should take a shower. I am waiting. Place. Places you'll go. Better place. Life enjoying. Transcending nature. He ended with a story about masturbating and peeing on himself.

I have to go on. I have to overcome. Tree ripe healthy snacks. Transcend myself. Control. Attention. Excellence. Perfection. Completion. Mumbling. Uniqueness. Solitude. Oneness. Standing. Crying. Detail. Connection. Elation. Peace. Good bye.

Yolen Enterprise

William Shatner's daughter's name might be Janet Yolen. He has kept her out of the public eye. We have seen an old photo: she stands on the sidewalk outside her house behind her father. Maybe he or she holds a balloon. The image is yellow and washed out, probably from the 70s. She announces a spaceship she designed, similar to the Enterprise. I somehow get on. I walk around and look. It looks like a regular office. I see Sitara. I follow her. I call her name, but it seems that she does not hear. I worry that she ignored me, because I am not supposed to be here. I think she goes to the bathroom, so I wait. I meet her on the way back to her desk. She seems glad to see me. She seems worn out. She is wearing sweats I think. We chat, and I give her two pennies. Then I see Praveena at desk a few feet away. I say, "Hello, Praveena." I give her a penny, my last one, and say, "Merry Christmas," but it's not Christmas. As I walk away (or roll away on a chair, it feels), she notices Sitara got two pennies and objects. I say that it's a valuable antique penny and two thousand years old, which it cannot be. I do not even think it's a real penny; part of it is blank. She seems satisfied. Whatever happens next.

I was up till 4, reading myself

Me and Nikki we in a large studio place, I was cohosting Alex's radio show, but he wasn't there. I convinced Nikki to be a part of the show. I started the show and I sounded very high pitched. I was mostly confident about what to say. I enjoyed hearing myself.
I walked along a highway in a place like LA. I walked up a hill next to a large plastic white pipe. There was an old white lady and two youngish black guys. They all talked about how they talked differently and about society in general.

Examinations During Daytime Living Moments

This is Time. Time looks to the left but doesn't see Big Ass Asteroid shooting fast and getting big and bigger. Weiners are for copulation. In a small private dim bathroom, Time shoots electric piss into a crappy toilet bowl. Bits of bright red meat squeak between 17 pearly gross teeth. Time sits like a lady on an insane white bed beside the Huge Love-filled Window. Time goes for a damn walk like a busty Jew, when Hollandaise rubberneckers gawk from the stony water fountain. Cellulose phosphorous teams against the nitrogen and oxygen soup that spills through us and Time, making little girl neurons jump like boys on bobcats in the swampy neighborhood of potential ideal recognition. Time slips up at roofing a mad house living in TV superstar body images. The sky lemur shoots his gigantic black furry tail down to the earth and decrees, "You are fired, young Time!" Time sits still on a woody beam twelve feet above the floor. Orbs of H(subscript2)O tap on each square inch of existing matter in a 2,140 feet radius of Time. Time sees less and less, as photons recede into deep space and into Time's viscous vision spheres.

Here we are, alone. The time raptors tear our global feet into internet-based, pan-seared tropical vegetables. Time spares and separates a grumpy munky from living too long on a desk made for Latina businesswomen in the 2040s. Safe sex is not for Big Ass Asteroid. Destroying life models is fun for a while but not for Time. Likable grass surfaces eat plain pita. Time plans on having every fourth grader out for learning practices. The schedule in corrected. Super burgers are good life achievements. You, know? Some times look forward, but behind the seeing cubes a trite fortune corpses toward slight speculation and infinite dissonance.

Kinda The End.

Love, greg

Creamy Life

Dianne the Man. I want to work on a farm. Nothing is better thasn life. Living hard with a big bundle of sacks in my arms. Living into the night, living into tomorrow. Having enormous bowel surges. Leaking pouring rumbling, extracting bountiful gut reaping wrenches. Singing lofts of hay burping cursing shitting bawling wailing eating. I am harmonious. The level divider, the wind, hooping screening, liquid factions days living hording. I bounce off grass into little eaters' eyes legs winding up cracking down, simple arms careening caressing lifting pushing through the sphincter elevating bursting barfing relaxing enjoying. I impale Science Graves. Laughing doctoring careering. I implore beginners, exacters, deciders. I excel through waters, fibers, nitrogen, respiratory bacteria, detritus fungus, juicy plantae. I demand roads, agriculture, beans, artifacts, reactions, revolutions, betrayers, solo artists. Omniscient clock bugs worms stars sun warm dry, omnipresent human tool carry hold follow derail unbroke help impart defect infect perfect delicious.

Canada Yankee

book crasher

Bushy tail lemur is a groupie for the Tim Tayler land shank. Upset the title throat bunker ashen kin. Jilp solid vanity oil extra anal'virjin cows exert zygotes goiter blush actual' vaginal';woozy LONER PASSIVE CLITORIS KESTRAL AXIAL, buenos tardis, mi bonito... say yas

Sick Child

Im still just a sick child, masturbating to extreme homemade face fucking humiliation. Using my spit for lube. Coming into the toilet. I must release my impatience. I am a slow taciturn web page follower, i get no relief from clicked links. i am a despirited human monkey. The oven and fridge are twins in a suburban duplex. im bouncing between carpet and linoleum, wood and plaster. I am a portrait of an empty hall of no doors, waiting to hang on a face with a name on a life dangling balancing on its end hair pin no end dangerous market delicious pork butt flagrant sex joke fun poke laughing hurrah, tie and nice, dumb scissors cutest button dashing hopeful meander wishful docile lunging. Possible chafing. Coincide, go inside, incisors, incessant oral surgery, blatant tongue tied ribbon taco sear rhythm digestion erode baklava dinner aerobics acrobat suicide blarney facet tuba toblerone, niche corner german advertiser winking woman toledo deluded brian surreptitious survival coinage bestow lingerie tabasco tobacco innate resound.

Crane tosses weeble-wobbling horror times into sun skies deriding all known sentient circles of proper dealings with solid objects of matter at hand. Forecast windy space, spatulas rising at dawn. Forward email gocart faxcinating unlovable science. dommed heritage, flaming oaks. Deem second child overblown windowless oppressive blowjob dickel in a nime, sixty nine scents, begrudging grain, false silent silo burning tall to the sunken treasured bleeding mudd stuck bellow feasting similar hermitage... tense night dream... creamy dense flaky weirder wordier sole... tamato socket, loose crumble, posse tango, liberate shooter, soaking fondle baggage oscar winner open marriage wonder why it never works, nope, lover to be haunted, escape problem wander under remix boom.. laffter, left after hurt, songly, much later

Band and Album

Thirty Helens - Agree

1. Everyone Is You or Me

2. Interjection!

3. My Child Is My Woman

4. The Mouth of a Severed Underwear Monster

5. I Like the Idea of Something Whole Being Severed from Nothing

6. The Last Title Explains the One Before It, and This One Explains the Last Title and Itself?

7. Yes.

8. A Baby Who Will Fall Asleep

Oh, fake closeness.
Oh, wait. Yes, I did.

Happy in the Morning/

Javelina, say Ja Ja Ja...

What the Hell, Everybody?

I come up upon you.

Old Jesus

I hate your life, butchoo can't go wrong.

That's everything, Grave Babies, I hear it, Crusher, you crush me, stop loving, start crushing.

Not new, Not never.

I love ever. I am a babie. I love to sick on my hands and love the ever bloated tongue depressor deep in the intestines of love and sacrilegious love.

Uncouth, believer of meanings of words in time at space of course, love hore, bore, lonely, tirade, pirouette.

I can't do this. Belonging. I feel horny and sacky. Beastly. More money, for fun, hum a diddy, I say something to myself, something I can't hear, something inside me, someone hiding, I am money, I love nature, I want to be alone, I want to have too many friends, I want to shy away, all the time, too much time, I am alone, I love greg, I love groping my dreams, I am in disbelief, What did I think?

In my dreams, I am a sovereign. I am disgusting. The little people make plays and horrible idiots have fun at all expenses. No one is left. There is a great big hole. We all worship it. We love to expel everything inside and outside of us. We love to ruin everything. Happy.

Military change, change your mind challenge, I request a boat. I expect a load of horses, I explain that I am just a little benefactor, I am trying but I cannot promise that the sun will never set, little oranges, bed head, leftover popsicle, I am afraid. I'll be okay, I am a fluid. My life insists.

thankless property

remember your life
your life is another life

where do i go now
where do i go now?
how should people live
how should people live?

same blossom
save blossom
gold old dodo throat
great blame shame derive

divert smurf holiday
ghoul round table
same safe herd turret

invest your cherub cheeks
blanket clouds
set of forever
puncture wishes

rice seer these heat rats mats cheer tart root nice tame tarn crease

Rice is our only resource. The Seer says it's all we need, and it will save us all. These heat rats breed mercilessly, and have begun to spill out from the mats they hide under during the day. We try to cheer each other up with silly performances of the prophecy of the eradication of the heat rats. One legend tells of a tart root growing under the mountain that can lure and poison the vicious rat horde, but since it contradicts the Seer's prophecy, to speak of it is formally forbidden and publicly feared. My oldest brother shares a legend with me that our grandfather shared with him many years ago. Once upon a time, these heat rats were nice and tame. We got along harmoniously with them. We gave them shelter and they gave us warmth. As our numbers grew, we produced more rice and took up more space. We pushed them out, and instead of sharing our rice with them, we burned it to replace the heat they had given us. The more we despised the rats, the more they crowded around us and multiplied, stealing our rice and overheating our homes. Only if we accept and respect them again will our lives become peaceful. The tension seems unbreakable. I can't imagine anyone in this land reconsidering our relationship with the heat rats. I feel more at peace with them than with my own people. I help them whenever I see them trying to get inside. I hide away from people. Our rice supplies are getting desperately low. To everyone's surprise, the Seer decrees that the tart root of the mountain must be found. The strongest farmers and staunchest enemies of the heat rats set out for the unexplored tarn at the center of the mountain. After many days of finding nothing, a hungry man, who lost his home and whole family to the heat rat invasion, dives to the bottom of the tarn and finds a shiny root stuck in a dark rocky crease. He knows that's what they've been looking for and pulls and pulls harder until he is out of breath. The root comes loose and floats to the top, and he drowns (he will not be missed). The entire land celebrates the tart root. Soon after placing it at the edge of town, we notice fewer heat rats, lower temperatures, less rice missing. Everyone calms down. The rats are all gone, and people seem happy. The tart root seems to slow time. The new rice crop seems to be growing slowly. In fact it isn't growing at all. The harvest yields less then ever before. People are even hungrier than at the height of the heat rat invasion. Winter is bitterly brutal. No rice to burn. No rats to keep us warm. The root is shining brightly, simply laying on an altar. It seems to need nothing to thrive. Nothing is what it gave us. We hate the tart root. Only last hope is to burn it. Everyone gathers at the altar. The Seer sets it alight. It is brighter than the sun, louder than a hurricane, and smells worse than anything. Those of us who were most excited originally by the tart root's power faint from the sensory overload. The rest us rat-lovers wait as the light, noise, and smell fade. All that's left is a black seedy ooze burning its way deep into the dirt. Through the new darkness, on a distant mountain, we see a soft orange glow flicker with life. In an instant, I know that it's the heat rats. We gather the fainted ones and journey onward to reunite with our old warm friends.

Done Day

I will turn you off.
If I go tomorrow, I dare you to go with me.
If you write a song, I won't hear it unless you sing it too.

Bayou

Place. People. Light. Objects. Intentions. I say to another male, "Did you hear about the massacre in Syria." He mumbles, doesn't answer, and seems a little annoyed, and I am annoyed that he would think Oh yeah, more religious wackos killing each other, instead of thinking that it's horrible. Who is this guy? I wanted to say "Christian massacre" (that is Massacre of Christians)  to be correct, but I didn't want to seem biased. The religion doesn't matter when concluding that killing is wrong. I don't know if they were killed for being Christian. I guess if they were the same religion as the killers it would have been different. Everything wrong. There is a woman who reminds me of Milana Vayntrub, other people, I think blonde, and pumpkin puree. She wants to date? I don't know. Gotta poop, last post went roughly, and it's on maybe something. No one cares, that's amazing. I can't describe and I don't remember. It didn't really happen. Next year in Jerusalem... bye you

an ocean aboard a microbe planetbj

ffrewreot

Ello, mi chiggen. Everything is spanish for something else. I am spanish for the holidase. Quite a restitution, respiration, rest on the Pootin, eated fulluv canteen poutine, poultice made of hedgehog fat and baked backside. Millet making bacon for breakfast, cuz I slept even until late today then yesterday goodbye

December Fourth

1. Shopping for Scissors

2. Punctual Tropical

3. A Butterfly Flies Faster Than I Drive

4.

Life Evaluation

It's been too long since I considered what I have done and what I am doing. I was driving to work and thought about the last time I had been in the moment. I thought it's been 12 years, when I was in 4th grade. Then I thought maybe a few times in high school. I was almost done with high school 6 years ago. That's a long time. I need to slow down time. I have made a lot of mistakes. I have watched porn and masturbated each of the past three days. I worked at 5 today/yesterday. I saw a kid at 1st and William Cannon. He crossed the street. I worried about a car hitting him. I wanted him to stay on the sidewalk. I wondered why I felt that. He has value. He can do good things. He will be needed. I also think I just care about keeping him alive. He just needs to be alive. It's almost all gone if he dies. His atoms will be recycled just like while he's alive. If one kid dies, it's very sad. If a few die, it's crazy and horrible. If a bunch die, then it's hard to believe and almost relieving in way, like a burden lifted, like they keep each other company, like the beginning of a charitable foundation. How am I going to be better? Life is rushing past.

I watched Corrado play The Stanley Parable. How can I be all these things and not other things? Pat and I played disc golf at Circle C yesterday. Tim went to Huntsville Friday and he's coming back tomorrow/today. I think I want to call Kit and ask if he wants to bike. This laptop is so small. Music is so big. I was little toooo. 4 changes. OK, this is going. Pat and I ate steaks and watched The Ice Storm. I forgot about the last big steak. It's gross now. I ate two weird s'mores tonight. I watched Frasier and Kids in the Hall. I have some gross infection on the left corner of my mouth. I popped a pimple and picked it, kept picking it. I'm growing a beard. It's been a while since I saw Aaron. I gotta brush my teeth. I am very lazy, watching youtube for hours. I want to do some ASMR. I looked at middle school girl's chest. I worked with Eric tonight. It was mellow, simple. I liked thinking about how little work I was doing. I am excited to see Tim. I don't want to work for 8 hours. I already look forward to my lunch break. I regret always eating peanut butter sandwiches. Sometimes they taste very good. I ate a salad with coconut oil. The Food Blog is dead. Nothing is maybe something anymore. I ate turkey ham mozzarella sandwiches. Trampled while shopping is a sucky death.

It is a Diamond Day. It is a Prism of Reflection. I am compressed and captured, encapsulated indefinitely.

Pat is somewhere. Bridgett's I guess. I wanted to look at Jane Ritter, or whats-her-name. I am going 2 sleep.

No Julie Text

I burned down your house. I didn't want to see you speaking about sleeping without throat blood and nude love. Just don't want you to cry. Nice nights wearing liquid air, draped on cold steam, fluorescent shadow children run outside.

Bright Flashes at Once

Im happy when i kill. im sad when i die.
Happy when I kill, sad when I die.
Happy kill, sad die.

Youtube is the last place on Earth. Except for Earth itself of course. Earth is on course to be any other planet. We bring every other planet to Earth. Earth can go anywhere. Everywhere is on Earth. Zen The End

faceheart

I'm simply not helping. I'm simply hurting. My face heart hunts you.

It is 1:05 pm. First Day Off

I'm thinking about next month and the money I will have and the money I will pay. This month is better than 0over in my thoughts. It is Gunpowder day. V day. Cold warm day. Past sister birthday. A spot in the middle of my back to the left keeps going numb. It must related to posture. Pat had been telling my to stand up straight. The best was when he said I am going to need hunchback medicine. I have noticed hunched people at work. Two young male coworkers and some elderly shoppers. I am wearing the small tiger hoodie. I wonder if it is 80 or more outside. We need to go out today. I judge so much of myself and base so many of my decisions on what I think Aaron would say. He represents so much of what I know about spirituality, duty, and culture/transcendence. It is Tuesday. I suppose Tim will come home in about 7 hours and we will buy pizza rolls and eat them and watch TV. I hope Patrick and I go out to play today. I don't like my job, but I think I can do it. I cannot wrap my mind around all of the different items in our department and where they go. I cannot think ahead  or remember well enough to stack boxes efficiently and neatly. These words are bothersome. I need to go somewhere new. At least in my thoughts. I need to read Gravity's Rainbow. Or more How Best to Avoid Dying. We played Elder Sign about midnight and made some bad choices and lost. I ate more Krazy Kookie ice cream. I will want to eat more tonight, but I should stop myself. Who would I have sex with? No one. Until I know myself very well and then know that person (female) very well then we want to have a child, or feel like we need to, like it's the right thing to do. I cannot expect to be perfect. But I can always try to think of the best thing to do in every situation. Well maybe not, but that is out of my control. I may make a bad decision that leads me to not being able to assess my situation. Like if I let myself get kidnapped and drugged, something causes me to lose my mind.

Listening to Lowers Dens Twin-Hand Movement. Beautiful! Not the best. I have to stop just being myself, letting things make me, letting my life take control, and I have to take control of my life and make myself who I need to be. It's all about thinking ahead. Of course right now I just want to masturbate and eat ice cream but I want to be better in the future and those things are not helpful, so I won't do them. I need to do things now to help myself be who I want to be in the future. I do know that the future is real and it matters. Commas are tiresome. I am not alone. I am extremely noble and sarcastic. I am listening quietly and hoping to go home inside of myself and wait for more futures to rise and burn and fly joyfully. I have to know what is. I have to watch all the Khan Academy videos. I have to test myself. I have to think about actions I can take that will change the lame stuff of life into awesome sauce. John Green said purpose of life is Helping. Don't forget to be awesome. Thank you. dear, docter, save her from being eaten, i want to help

To Appreciate Crafters

Imagine reality. Imagine emptiness. Imagine an empty reality. No one makes anything. No one does anything, like we. We interact with existing parts. Sitting, reading, listening to Boards of Canada. Nothing new comes out of a static mind. Having an impact. I know what would be better. How do I do that. I'll start here. I'll get some help. I'll make a plan. I'll adapt the plan. I'll collaborate and make a difference. I'll make life worth living. I'll make meaning show itself in unexpected places. I'll make us all glad we're lucky enough to live and be ourselves. Have you seen/heard/felt/tasted/smelled this? It's so GOOD! I can't believe it, but I make myself believe.