April 18, 2014

I woke up before 7 am. Domino was buggin me. I watched two Good Mythical Mornings and Mores. I ate three scrambled eggs and vanilla granola, milk and coffee. I sang in the shower. I drove to work. No traffic. I got there 30 minutes early, sat in my car, and read some Towards Self Meaning. I had to poop, so I went in and did. I greeted Joe and Jake and Brian. I double checked my schedule. I had been worried that I was mistaken. I wasn't scheduled until 2:30, so I left. It was fun and weird to be there when I would usually be sleeping. I thought I would visit Ashley until work, but I forgot it was Friday and she was working. I texted her, then corrected myself later. I texted Mom just to let her know my mistake, and that I felt good about getting out early and it's better to live in rhythm with the day.

I drove to Wild Basin Preserve. I walked down the trail slowly, trying to look closely at the far away trees. I took some dumb pictures of myself. I sat on a bench at the vista and tried to read some Self Meaning. People came along. An old man and young girl talking loudly about camping. I was excited about interacting. I liked the girl's face. I looked at them and said Hello, the man said Howdy. An old Asian couple walked up from the other direction, I said Hello he said Hi. A group of kids with a few adults came along. I left to go to lunch at Pappadeux's with Kit, Lorena, Mom, and Jan. I said Hello to everyone I passed. I worried about the kids' education. One was playing the harmonica. I liked him. I heard someone say Is there a way to frack  for oil without doing any harm? Something like that, and I felt better that conscious caring adults were with the kids. I said Good day to the last couple I passed. They said Hi in unison, and the woman sounded weird {:

I drove for way too long. I forgot where 290 is. I got frustrated. Lunch was tense. It was good to see everyone. I did not enter into conversation. I was in a bad spot by the kitchen. It seemed loud to me. I imagined Kit seeing me and thinking I am autistic because I was uncomfortable with all the activity and socializing. The food was OK. We went to Furniture Row. Kit pointed out Emerald Tavern, a gaming cafe. Mom and talked about how familiar we are with Furniture Row and we like it. It's quiet. I walked around, thinking that Kit might be thinking I am wasting my life or I'm just waiting for my shift. I knew I was wasting my life. I could have tried to talk to them or left and read Towards Self Meaning. I got a quarter from Mom and got some Reese's Pieces. I sat in Jan's chair. I hugged her and Mom. I worked.

I saw ASMRrequests... I was so nervous my head almost exploded. I saw her son. They were both cute and got along with my new coworker, Cornelius. Her son was chasing Cornelius, and I felt like the world was perfect.

I'm listening to Daniel Johnston. He can be so sad and so sweet and simple and brilliant all at once. Haha, I remember Jad Fair's voice now...

Am I gonna change? Life is going to change. I am going to sleep. I gotta pee. I will not dwell. I will myself to excel.

I wrote, Be yourself, on the sign in sheet at Wild Basin.