I'm thinking about next month and the money I will have and the money I will pay. This month is better than 0over in my thoughts. It is Gunpowder day. V day. Cold warm day. Past sister birthday. A spot in the middle of my back to the left keeps going numb. It must related to posture. Pat had been telling my to stand up straight. The best was when he said I am going to need hunchback medicine. I have noticed hunched people at work. Two young male coworkers and some elderly shoppers. I am wearing the small tiger hoodie. I wonder if it is 80 or more outside. We need to go out today. I judge so much of myself and base so many of my decisions on what I think Aaron would say. He represents so much of what I know about spirituality, duty, and culture/transcendence. It is Tuesday. I suppose Tim will come home in about 7 hours and we will buy pizza rolls and eat them and watch TV. I hope Patrick and I go out to play today. I don't like my job, but I think I can do it. I cannot wrap my mind around all of the different items in our department and where they go. I cannot think ahead or remember well enough to stack boxes efficiently and neatly. These words are bothersome. I need to go somewhere new. At least in my thoughts. I need to read Gravity's Rainbow. Or more How Best to Avoid Dying. We played Elder Sign about midnight and made some bad choices and lost. I ate more Krazy Kookie ice cream. I will want to eat more tonight, but I should stop myself. Who would I have sex with? No one. Until I know myself very well and then know that person (female) very well then we want to have a child, or feel like we need to, like it's the right thing to do. I cannot expect to be perfect. But I can always try to think of the best thing to do in every situation. Well maybe not, but that is out of my control. I may make a bad decision that leads me to not being able to assess my situation. Like if I let myself get kidnapped and drugged, something causes me to lose my mind.
Listening to Lowers Dens Twin-Hand Movement. Beautiful! Not the best. I have to stop just being myself, letting things make me, letting my life take control, and I have to take control of my life and make myself who I need to be. It's all about thinking ahead. Of course right now I just want to masturbate and eat ice cream but I want to be better in the future and those things are not helpful, so I won't do them. I need to do things now to help myself be who I want to be in the future. I do know that the future is real and it matters. Commas are tiresome. I am not alone. I am extremely noble and sarcastic. I am listening quietly and hoping to go home inside of myself and wait for more futures to rise and burn and fly joyfully. I have to know what is. I have to watch all the Khan Academy videos. I have to test myself. I have to think about actions I can take that will change the lame stuff of life into awesome sauce. John Green said purpose of life is Helping. Don't forget to be awesome. Thank you. dear, docter, save her from being eaten, i want to help
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