I Want This to Be Written on My Tomb [ voice recording , inspired by Ceiling Gazing by Mark Kozelek and Jimmy Lavalle ]

Money is dead. My father is an angel.
September came and went, on my calendar schedule.
I am not a good singer, and I have no idea what I am doing.
You look like perfect weather, when you're doing puzzles.

I cried last night, and I cried this morning.
Look at the sky. I bet you wish you were an angel.
It is so fun to fly; just look at the birds in the sky.
I wanted to pee, but I forgot to lock the door.

I know there's about 15,000 children going hungry.
I could try to find them and give them something to eat.
Why would I lie? I'm only a person, a human being.
I don't want to die, but I have to, so I'll just accept it.

I don't wanna feel like I am doing everything wrong.
I hope you're a person who knows what's right and what's wrong.
I wear myself out. I don't know how people can function so well.
I don't know how people can build cities and burn them down.

I don't know how factories are built or how people make
machines that make all the things that we use every day.
I don't care what I think or what I say.
I just need to know the answer to the question:

What are we supposed to be doing?
What is consciousness?
Solipsism is a dangerous mess.
I wish you were here with me right now,

and we could talk about TV and movies and games
and what we're going to do this Christmas.
I hope you're having a beautiful day or night,
or whatever you do, I hope there are people to help you.

Or if you're totally alone, if you're the last human
who will ever live, I hope you find some peace in the afterlife.
I hope the afterlife is kind to you.
I hope I am not too annoying for you.

I'm gonna  go outside today, because my mom is taking me home.
I might be worthless, and I might be sad,
but I'm still alive, and that makes me glad.
So goodbye for now. We'll talk pretty soon.

I want this to be written on my tomb.

My Name Is Abdul Muhammed [ voice recording ]

I'm a German Spaniard from South Africa teaching middle schoolers in Kansas about Jesus Christ Our Lord and Saviour. I can't wait till Christmas, 'cuz I don't have to see these kids for two more weeks.

And now I'm leaving home again to drive to the liquor store for a bottle of Chablis. I'm gonna share it with my beautiful wife, whose name happens to be Sharon, my wife. And... we have grown one beautiful son. His name is Eric, and he killed himself last year.

But I feel OK, because I bought a hunting videogame from Wal-Mart yesterday, and I just got to Level 8; I shot an elephant in the face. My name is Abdul Muhammed. My name is Abdul Muhammed, and I'm a Muslim, but I can't be your friend. I'm a Muslim, but I can't be your friend.

It happens to be Saturday. Nothin' matters. That's just what I say. Nothin' matters, but that's just what I say. I listen to the radio. I listen to the birds on the porch.

My wife calls me. She says, "This is important."
I say, "What's wrong, honey?"
She says, "Can you drive to the Home Depot and get me a package of sealing foam. We've got a little problem at the house."

I hung up the phone and did everything. I thought about a boy I know named Jimmy. He's 13 years old. He seems pretty sad, but he collects himself rather well. He's got short blonde spiky air, and he dresses like a football fan.

I think about how nice it'll be to go to Heaven finally.

I think about how nice it'll be to go to Heaven, finally.

And then I get home, and I see my wife, and we talk a little, and I hug her and kiss her and think about maybe we'll have sex tonight. But her tubes aren't tied, and I don't know if we have any condoms left. And I don't know, if we have any condoms left.

We just gotta try to make it through tonight.

We just got to try to make it through, tonight.
....

I hope you had a good night's sleep.

I hope you had a good night's sleep.

I hope you stick around. I'm gonna make eggs and hash browns.

How do you like your eggs?
...

How do you like your eggs?
...

How do you like my eggs?


The End

My name is Abdul Muhammed!

The Names of Nice People

Mental health exercises for non-human animals

touch the end of your body to the tip of your body.

I wonder if everyone is brimming and trembling with personal confessions and revelations and sorrows and desires.


What do I do with my memories?

How can I remember to consider the eternal effect of all of my actions on every person

. . . .


Should I eat something before I go meet my mom in almost 3 hours?

I think I will get hungry.

I want to eat avocado and garlic salt and spices.

I need to sign up for Indeed.com, if I am going to feel okay about myself.


i want to see holy cows and i want them to go searching all over and i want my home to go somewhere and i want my skin... all over the place............. I want to sleep now. I want to sleep with you.

It is a Happy Tuesday


I know this is too much.


Epic eyerolls


I feel sorry for you. That is what you think about me.


I just want you to think about me. I just want everyone to love me.


I wonder when I will die. I wonder what the best version of my life is.


If I make the best choice I can every time.


The kids climb the mountain. The villagers dig a well. They plant a vegetable garden and put two goats within a fenced yard.

Everything we need. Everything we are. Making music and making movies. Telling stories, vomiting wwords and being confused and tired.


I just read a few paragraphs of an article about Yvon Chouinard, co-founder of Patagonia, the outdoor-apparel company.

It's in the New Yorker.

I really love the description of the natural setting, in Montana.

I want to live at a small house surrounded by many miles of wilderness.


Multiples of five are keeping me alive

I am on the ball, riding to the scariest places on the world

I see them all in my mind, the scariest faces of girls


I just listened to two songs from Carrie and Lowell, by Sufjan Stevens. "The Only Thing" and "I Should Have Known Better"

Now I Am Listening to "Birds of Films" by Sun Kil Moon A.K.A. Mark Kozelek.

He is quite interesting, entertaining, and funny sometimes.

Often he is depressing. Often he is calming. Often he is exciting to me.


Well... I suppose my life might be better if I had a job.

But I don't want to.

I really want to cancel or reschedule my interview at World Market at 6 today.

It is almost 4. I need to leave in an hour and half if I am going to be sure to be there on time... but I think from the email they sent me, that I could get there anytime between 6 and 8 and they would interview me when I got there.

I am going back to Mom's house tonight.

These feeling, the idea of meeting someone and needing to communicate... all the expectations... make me think, I want to kill myself. I think, I am going to kill myself. But I don't really want to die, or try.

I want to cry. I am listening to Sea of Love by Cat Power.

I want to drive to Mom's house right now.

I am tired.

I spent last night at Mom's house.

I woke up from an intense dream that I do not remember any of.... at 1:30 a.m.

I stayed awake until about 7:30. I tried going to sleep. I just felt bad. I felt tense. I would not lay still. It's like my body was made of trapped animals.

So, I am relaxing now and drinking coffee. I have to do this. I just might fall asleep while I am driving.

What a beautiful night of my soul.

Annoying shit in my ear holes in my brain trees. My eye balls aree falling asleep, my mommy,


Please grab my neck and take me to a Warm Soft Silent Dream


I feeel great. I mean I want to. Of couurse... I go to the Sunlight. I go to the shade. I go to World Market today. I get into a wooden basket. I jump out of a small plane 10 thousand feet above Washington DC....


Nothing matters

Nothing means anything

I cannot do this

I am tired again

I am bored with everything, most of all myself

I cannot move

I cannot talk

I am going to eat a bowl of Rice and ground Cow Muscles.

Bye Bye for now My Love-cicle,

Dorito Stain

Money Tree

Big Texas Smile Train

A moment of time.... Haha,

De Ja Vu

{:

Refining Thoughts

I should try to think about how I can make the future better, then I should do those things.

I will try to think about how I will make the future better, then I will do those things.

Some time soon, you will notice that you were not thinking. You will think, what was I thinking?

Soon, I will think, what am I thinking? I will stop thinking. I will think nothing. I will think, I was not thinking. Why was I not thinking? Why am I thinking?

How can I try to think?

How do I try to think?

How will I try to think?

I like verbs more than most other parts o' speech ( or writing )


From Facebook

With mark kozelek. Cozy Leck. Lake. Loch. Cozy cabin in the highlands in the early Autumn with a beautiful young woman who loves everyone...


Am I going to hate and burn and scream and cry and die for Eternity


Do not suffer the Hell of being stuck with only your own thoughts for an uncertain length of time.

ff
I hope Hell is not real.


If it is, I hope I have already lived through it.


Yesterday, after I saw Clarisa, I was in the car, at the light on 35 and Riverside facing west. A man with burn-scarred skin all over him, was walking on the median past the stopped cars. I was in a very good mood, because of seeing Clarisa and having some plans for later, but not that many, and because I was listening to Jeffrey Lewis.

I gave the guy a five dollar bill. He said, "thank you, Jesus. Thank you." I nodded and I think I smiled. I said, "Stay cool." He was sweating a lot. It was sunny, probably 90 degrees. I was a little worried about his health. But I just drove away and waved.

Death is a blessing. And life is a blessing too.

Everyone dies. It is not sad. Life is sad. Life can be sad and wasted in many ways.

I want to try to live.

I want people to try to live well and help each other.

Newtown, Connecticut

Mates of State

My niece, Sofie W-------, born February 22, 2015. Today is September 20, 2016.

I thought of torture as I waited to fall asleep last night.

There is a scene in a war movie, I don't remember, maybe it was American Sniper. A guy in a tiny cell full of flashing light and loud harsh music.

I wished torture had never existed and wished that no one will ever torture someone.


I want to end this post on a positive.

I am listening to Sun Kil Moon and drinking a mug o' wine.


My mom came over from work few minutes ago to get her leftover chicken fried rice from Fire Bowl.

She told me about her difficult day, so far.

I feel OK.

I am supposed to be looking for jobs. I might not ever do that again. I love being jobless and alone.

I love killing myself and living forever happy and fat and dumb and silly and faggot and bitch and cunt and Fellow Human Being and Fellowship of Jesus Christ, the Father and the Holy Ghost.

I like being myself right now.

I love alcohol so much... honestly.

I love music more than anyone, I love singer and songwriters like Mark Kozelek more than anything.

I love people. I fear people. I fear bodily pain.

I hate fear.

I hate evil.

I wonder if evil is real.

Or if it's just people who are failing to be good people. Maybe that is what evil is.

I wonder what "good" really means.

I wonder if all these thoughts and all this typing is a waste of time.

I want to type more facts.

Like that burn-scarred guy.

Clarisa is pretty nice looking. There are a million people I would be more attracted to.

I asked if she wanted to take a walk by the river with me soon. I said I think that would be nice. For us.

She said yes, that would be great.

I am going to spend some time with Aaron tomorrow. With his body. Our bodies will be within ten feet of each other. We will hear each others voices, without telephones or any electronics or technology.

I love this. Track Number 8 by Sun Kil Moon

Good night.

Please do not call me lazy or stupid to my face

I cannot take it

I need to cry

I cannot keep myself from crying

I love complaining even from other people

Happiness makes you cry

Everyone makes everyone cry

and it is good

Tire swings and giant trees and pandas and huge bears and moss covered lands

Science dreams and purple and pink and green and blue skies

Her yes... her eyes... Sparkly stars

Eternity and Love

Love, gregory wredberg {:

Real and Honest

All I want is to be real

and honest.

This is a poem.

Poems are people.

I live my life in this apartment, 500 square feet, two sliding glass doors for windows.

I drink red wine to feel more sane.

I listen to Kimya Dawson and Neutral Milk Hotel.

I am worried about death and pain.

I am worried about evil people and accidents.


I am worried about God and Jesus.

I cry because I am jobless and alone.

I do not know what a human should be.

I do not know what I should be doing.

I hate myself.

I want to die.

I do not want to hurt myself.

I do not want anyone to get hurt.

I want everyone to live beautifully forever.


Why the fucking hell does this hurt this much?


What is pain? Why is pain?


Who is Bright Eyes?

What is Conor Oberst.

Oh Burst

I love these little funny dying loving People.

I love Jesus.

I love God.


My name is Greg.

I am a little human.

I have computers and keyboards.

I know English.

I am alive and awake.

I can use my hands and my eyes.


Nothing will stop your amazing Karate moves.

Have you seen Napoleon Dynamite.

Have you seen Captain Fantastic.

Have you seen World of Tomorrow.


I live in a cave.

I am sure that I will die before I am 100 years old.

I will die in the next 73 years.

I wish I was The Absolute Truth.

I like Movies.

I like People.

I like Trees.

I like Wine.

I like the light of stars like our Sun.

I like electricity and the Internet.




I am not perfect.

The End.


PS

"The Competition" - Kimya Dawson

I thank God that Eternity is real.

It is gonna be okay.

You are always good enough.

I'll talk to you later, friend.

65 hours of talking and text messaging

Everyone is worthless

Everything is God

And God is everything.

I'm a super muscle Hamster Penis Poople.


The Rhine is dark and reflective.

The flowing water is grape witches and time loosens the wild hills and valleys and creeks and streams and stones.

The German language students slept high up in the castle. The locals had veal for supper.

A 15 year old sad boi ate a small old apple and three little slices of cheddar cheese.

What a fantastic and realistic fantasy we live.

Reply to a Comment, "Meanwhile, in Syria..." on the Photography Series "Naked Faces" on Booooooom.com

What do you mean, please? I feel like you might be being mean, and that makes me uncomfortable. I feel guilty every day for being what I am, as people are suffering endlessly. I think there are many different ways to save the world, though. I just want to think of you as a person who adds good to the world. Thanks for reading my insecurity and anxiety. Hope you are well. I am allright, except for my problems that are obvious in this comment. I am a writer and maybe this is my forum of choice. Maybe this is some kind of performance or installation... Maybe I am just too confused and hopeless. I'm sorry if this turns out to be a huge waste of everyone's time. I love you. Good night. - Greg Wredberg

I am really fucked up.

I wonder how much of my own fault that is.

I saw on old guy walking outside.

I thought, I want to kill him.

Then I thought, No, I don't.

I thought about pushing him over, laughing at him and peeing on him.

Then I thought, I am really fucked up.

I imagined smashing the apartment and burning it down.

I imagined slitting my wrist.

I need to do good work. I need to keep busy.

I took a very nice short slow walk by the river this morning just after 11.

I kind of like being kind of an alcoholic.

I am having a mug of wine to relax myself.

That is all I am going to have until this evening.

I am going to UT to see World of Tomorrow by Don Hertzfeldt with Aaron in less than two hours.

I hope he offers to drive us...

I love making sense.

My thoughts are so shitty sometimes, it seems like nothing makes sense, but then I get better and everything gets better.

I am still listening to Jeffery Lewis Spotify radio.

" Remember they're more afraid of you than you are of them . " - "Advice on Bears" by Boats

I still love Boats so much. I listened to some of their Spotify radio early today, I think.

Lou Reed

music

poem

dogs

nothing

i

Can.

Blue balls bouncing on a paved street gave the young people ( 5 to 10 years old )

much joy unlimited and unequaled

Free Write, Journal, the first draft of this was written in pen on the backs of 2 pages that list items not to flush down toilets (:

9-18-2016 9:04 p.m.

I am standing at the kitchen counter in apartment 117
at 2048 Stassney Lane in Austin, Texas. I am drinking vodka
and Lemon Ginger carbonated water. It's okay. I like
feeling tipsy. I have plans for tomorrow, Monday.
I have been feeling bad and anxious and sad. I have
been wasting time in these rooms for a week.
Before that, I wasted most of my time at other places
and at my mom's house, my childhood home.

I have been watching and listening to KaysASMR
today, and she is so lovely and soothing.

I walked to Live Oak Market this evening.
It was a pleasant and rewarding walk. I'm glad
I have been writing. I want my writing to be
worth something to someone esle. I think I am
kind of anti-social. I am extremely passive and lazy,
like I think I have always been. I really want to help
people and myself Live wonderful Lives.

Next Page

So a large part of me is The Internet.
I do not understand. I want to understand.
Aaron often confuses me and makes me sad.
I read a few sentences of Music That Is Soundless
tonight. I barely understand it. I do no understand it.
I want to be quiet. I want to be correct.

I thought of sex and the meaning of life, while I
walked south on Manchaca towards Stassney.

The meaning of Life = Being God = Doing Good

Sex is nice. Making love is good. Making people is good.

Being responsible, Least Harmful, Most Helpful

I thought of my former Psychotherapist, Stacy Watkins. I like
her. I wonder if my plan to eat tacos with
Clarisa will become real... I wonder what we
might talk about ( taco 'bout...) I was REwatching
Good Mythical Morning Season 2 from 2012... Two human males named Rhett and Link. I was good and bad. ( eating. ) I watched
porn. I tried to give myself an Orgasm, but I failed. It hurt... in several ways.
I tried again, while watching Scottish Murmers ASMR'S cleavage on a nurse roleplay video on You Tube. I came.... So.... This is me. Later.......

Now it is 8:17 a.m. in Austin, Texas. 9-19-2016

I am listening, and have been listening to Jeffrey Lewis Spotify radio. Neutral Milk Hotel Devendra Banhart, Elliot Smith, Okkervil River.

I don't enjoy listening to Elliot Smith. A few weeks ago I read on Wikipedia that he stabbed himself in the chest after an argument with someone, who had locked herself in the bathroom. He died in the hospital.

I feel like a cliche when I enjoy Neutral Milk Hotel. That's okay. I do not want to judge anyone for enjoying anything. I wonder if there are good cliches. I feel bad for people who think they are better than someone based on what each person enjoys. I feel bad  for people who might not enjoy anything, at least most of the time....

That is nonsense.

I want to rake a garden and kill a snake.

Now I gotta get ready to drive and talk to Clarisa and eat a taco.

I love Jeff Lewis. Honestly, really.

I hope i do not rape or murder Clarisa. Why would I do that! Why would I think that! Is that true!

I hope for lots of things and events. I am not really afraid that I will do anything like that.

I Am afraid that I will do nothing, or flake out.

I am afraid that I will crash a car.

I am afraid that I will fall into the way of a car.

I am afraid that I will cry in front of someone.

I am afraid I will pee or poop before I get to a toilet or that someone will see me pee or poop.

I am afraid that someone will dislike me because of my appearance or my actions or my words.


Haha [: that is all true

Bye bye fo now, nigga. I love your fat balls. I love Gravy. Peace and Love and Grace to you, dear dear readear.
 deer, fawn. Doe. Doh. ok really. i am going to stop in a second. i hope to be back later today, in a few hours.

Later! - Greg Wredbeg

Sensory Embodied Experienced Experiment Through Words

Here lies a blood peach dominance
Christ pupa alleviation on Sky skin
400 feet above the Metro Park, blue and white
Throughout air trails stretched potential
Space what could be here in theory
connective tissue between daytime players
and ethereal planetary starshine
blank mind -- Green Losing
Waste in dark grey dark black deep
Matter floating pulling pushing orbiting
reacting, inertia, not existing -- Closing eyes
human face Perfect Caucasian Commercial
Success, Bleeding Rate, 1 day, 1 week
Babies, Cousins, Nieces, Brothers, 3 months,
1 year, 2 years, Mother, Grandmother
Never Father, Holy Nothing. Following
cars, shiny cars, silver dead cars, hot
steel, soft thick rubber tires, pounding
heavy angry sparkly asphalt, 5 years, No Home
Scarce Woods, Scary People, Sleep - Wake - 10 years
20 years...
gone.

Religious Alphabet

Actualize
Better
Christ
Dad
Eternity
Freedom
Grace
Heaven
Insight
Jesus
Kill
Love
Make
Now
Order
Persons
Question
Read
Spirit
Truth
Universe
Visit
Will
Xenophilia
Yes
Zen

The Way Out Songs in Order of My Preference

1. Group Autogenics 2

2. We Bought the Flood

3. All You Need Is a Wall

4. Group Autogenics 1

5. Thirty Incoming

6. Free Translator

7. Chain of Missing Links

8. The Story of Hip Hop

9. A Cold Freezin' Night

10. I Am Who I Am

11. Beautiful People

12. I Didn't Know That

Perfectly Mentally Healthy People

They are good to witness. They soothe and protect. To watch them do things is deeply satisfying and rewarding. I get better... because they are better than me and all the ones I can think.

She-la rides a bike to her office. It's a quaint bungalow, surrounded by squat palms and huge ferns and oaks. It's in a nice, quiet neighborhood. She is the first to get there this morning. Her three coworkers arrive within 20 minutes after her. Their names are Beck, Morgan, and Vern.

They do medical administration or some high class shit like that.

Ouside the air temperature is 79 degrees F. In the office it is 71.

Vern is 56 years old. Morgan is 32. Beck is 31. She-la is 29.

She has dark hair and dark eyes. I don't want to type her skin color.

Brown.

Except she is a white girl.

On a scale from 0 to 100, 100 being the most attracted to someone I can be, my attraction to She-la is probably about 75. It would be more, but I am intimidated by her perfect mental health. She seems too good for me.

Being fictional is very attractive.

Being me is an unrealistic advantage.

She wears dresses. Every color in her life is universally approved as visually pleasing.

Imagine a TV ad for anti-anxiety mediction.

Sometimes, when you need it, She-la lives in slow motion.

She smiles nicely.

Why give up?

A dreary Saturday

we drove into the jungle

we're looking for the tiger

the tiger ate all the children

we're gonna eat that tiger


Dancing with my betrothed at the wedding reception

my hand goes out of control

Slicing up the cake with my hand

slicing up the cake with a photograph autographed by my favorite band.

I hate feeling sick. I hate if I made myself sick. I love extremely healthy young dogs.
I love basted Magic and plastic cardboard and dreaming about really funny and even more beautiful people and places and foreign fake history events, facts, stories of words,

and finally I shat myself

out of myself

My little pony and

green cool forehead rabbit time loaves for clean Christmas Get A Way.

Wearable Parable

This Is a Real Cool Story

You prefer. Why would you do that? Can you use your mind? Can you control your body?

Money will not hurt anyone.
Money is not worth any of this.

When she was 18 years old, my 43rd cousin walked from her parents' house on the center of Texas, 10 years and 3 days ago. (A modest wooden house in the wood. Dad was a hard-working wood-worker. Mom grew their garden and kept their things in order. She had two older brothers and a younger sister. They had plenty of leisure time and few neighbors. She appreciated Nature. She Thought about God. She was curious. She grew Up, and she wanted to know more people and start a new family, to add and to count up to our family.) She walked to the Center of Los Angeles. (She most likely appears the color of the center of the Sun.) She saw people....

She made love to a man. They made two people. They slept and ate in an apartment on the cement of LA. The man did a common job; he fell on a building one day... he died.

Abzu (my 43rd cousin) sat for a long week. She fed Zapan and Naru (her kids). They left Apartment to look for More Food. Other People see them [(Who Cares?)?].
I dug a hole in the Dirt. Small
small. I like living. Continued to live well

I need Nothing.

I was just watching Lady Dynamite.

I don't like it right now.

It is ,eaningless.

And stupid.

I also watched Louie Ck live at the comedy store.

I dont like anything; its too much nothing.

i like little boys and little girls, doing nothing.

I like games and everytyhing is the same

i drank wine, i feel dopiejhwghjiopofhjdo

Let's facebook

Ima monster

Meaning, I am blundering, blazing like flying suns and atoms of Chaos.


LET'S stay up all night.

We have no jobs. We do not need to work.

Our Mothers make us money,

We buy all the food we want; We eat

We fall over

We burn bridges

We live into the Sky

Let's stay up all night.

We are Monsters, Meaning we are not Fully Humans

Let's Burn Bridges

Let's Eat all The Food We Want

We Do Not Have Jobs

We Do Not Have to Work

Our Mothers Make Us Money

Let's Live Into The Sky

Let's Stay Up All Night


Bahamas - Okay Alright I'm Alive



Whatever

My Name Is Gregory Wredberg

My Mother's Name Is BarBara Harris

I have A New Apartment

She Has a New House

Who Cares!

We All Care


OH!

Give that little kid his Peanut Butter wishes.

Oh, do not fall asleep there, He needs his little work lasso.... Need to die.