Refining Thoughts

I should try to think about how I can make the future better, then I should do those things.

I will try to think about how I will make the future better, then I will do those things.

Some time soon, you will notice that you were not thinking. You will think, what was I thinking?

Soon, I will think, what am I thinking? I will stop thinking. I will think nothing. I will think, I was not thinking. Why was I not thinking? Why am I thinking?

How can I try to think?

How do I try to think?

How will I try to think?

I like verbs more than most other parts o' speech ( or writing )


From Facebook

With mark kozelek. Cozy Leck. Lake. Loch. Cozy cabin in the highlands in the early Autumn with a beautiful young woman who loves everyone...


Am I going to hate and burn and scream and cry and die for Eternity


Do not suffer the Hell of being stuck with only your own thoughts for an uncertain length of time.

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I hope Hell is not real.


If it is, I hope I have already lived through it.


Yesterday, after I saw Clarisa, I was in the car, at the light on 35 and Riverside facing west. A man with burn-scarred skin all over him, was walking on the median past the stopped cars. I was in a very good mood, because of seeing Clarisa and having some plans for later, but not that many, and because I was listening to Jeffrey Lewis.

I gave the guy a five dollar bill. He said, "thank you, Jesus. Thank you." I nodded and I think I smiled. I said, "Stay cool." He was sweating a lot. It was sunny, probably 90 degrees. I was a little worried about his health. But I just drove away and waved.

Death is a blessing. And life is a blessing too.

Everyone dies. It is not sad. Life is sad. Life can be sad and wasted in many ways.

I want to try to live.

I want people to try to live well and help each other.

Newtown, Connecticut

Mates of State

My niece, Sofie W-------, born February 22, 2015. Today is September 20, 2016.

I thought of torture as I waited to fall asleep last night.

There is a scene in a war movie, I don't remember, maybe it was American Sniper. A guy in a tiny cell full of flashing light and loud harsh music.

I wished torture had never existed and wished that no one will ever torture someone.


I want to end this post on a positive.

I am listening to Sun Kil Moon and drinking a mug o' wine.


My mom came over from work few minutes ago to get her leftover chicken fried rice from Fire Bowl.

She told me about her difficult day, so far.

I feel OK.

I am supposed to be looking for jobs. I might not ever do that again. I love being jobless and alone.

I love killing myself and living forever happy and fat and dumb and silly and faggot and bitch and cunt and Fellow Human Being and Fellowship of Jesus Christ, the Father and the Holy Ghost.

I like being myself right now.

I love alcohol so much... honestly.

I love music more than anyone, I love singer and songwriters like Mark Kozelek more than anything.

I love people. I fear people. I fear bodily pain.

I hate fear.

I hate evil.

I wonder if evil is real.

Or if it's just people who are failing to be good people. Maybe that is what evil is.

I wonder what "good" really means.

I wonder if all these thoughts and all this typing is a waste of time.

I want to type more facts.

Like that burn-scarred guy.

Clarisa is pretty nice looking. There are a million people I would be more attracted to.

I asked if she wanted to take a walk by the river with me soon. I said I think that would be nice. For us.

She said yes, that would be great.

I am going to spend some time with Aaron tomorrow. With his body. Our bodies will be within ten feet of each other. We will hear each others voices, without telephones or any electronics or technology.

I love this. Track Number 8 by Sun Kil Moon

Good night.

Please do not call me lazy or stupid to my face

I cannot take it

I need to cry

I cannot keep myself from crying

I love complaining even from other people

Happiness makes you cry

Everyone makes everyone cry

and it is good

Tire swings and giant trees and pandas and huge bears and moss covered lands

Science dreams and purple and pink and green and blue skies

Her yes... her eyes... Sparkly stars

Eternity and Love

Love, gregory wredberg {: