An Ongoing Letter to Myself in One Year (as of the Creation of This Title), March 2019, When 30 Years Will Have Passed Since My Conception

18:22

March Twenty---- The timer for the frozen dinners went off.

My mom and I ate Turkey, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Green Beans, and Carrots.

Marie Callender's

We watched A Man Called Ove.

It was good.


It's 20:54

March Twenty Sixth

Two Thousand Eighteen


Before dinner I ate Boom Chicka Pop, White Cheddar Popcorn.

I drank a glass of Paris Valley Road Cabernet Sauvignon.

I drank three more glasses.

I ate more Boom Chicka Pop after dinner.

I ate Thin Golden Oreos dipped in whole milk.


I felt pretty bad... gluttonous.


Three days ago I got A Stroll with William James from the central Austin Public Library.

I have read about 40 pages.

I think it is the most important part of my life right now. I love it.


I am looking forward to going to Andee and Aaron's house on Sunday, in 6 days.

I dreamed about Andee this morning. Part of it was bad, sexual. The last part, she wanted us to live together, and I was very excited, in love.

I think about Andee a lot.

I miss her every day.

I feel bad about my choices.

I have been almost crying more than once every day. Sometimes I let the tears go.

I cried a few hours ago when I read about Emily Dickinson's life.

i am going now

-----'-

April 16th

I want this to continue and end more hopefully.

I read about 5 pages of A Stroll with William James today.

I am sitting at a picnic table at Dick Nichols park near Oak Hill library. I really don't want to answer the interview questions that they will ask me. I hope we get along well. My main motivation is to avoid disappointing my mom, and I hope I only ever  lie to her about little details.

Also I want to be proud of myself for having enough will power to follow through with something difficult for me to do, going to a job interview being among the most difficult, top 5 probably......

Bye for now my love(:


It went well.

I want to be more relaxed and rational.

I'm probably not schizophrenic. But I like that word.

Random kind of:

Portabello mushrooms are good for growing hair on The backside of weird elephants.

And the diet mountain dew I ate in 4th grade is made of Siamese kittens


april 19th

I was just watching porn. I had resisted for almost a week. I started early this morning looking at photos of Julie again.

It is 6:58 a.m. Mom does not leave for work until 11.

Yesterday was all right and especially difficult:

I read about 10 pages, which is more than I've read in the past week I think.

The first thing I did, at about 5 am, was search for Elvis Perkins and read an article about him and his first album, on the Guardian online.

I liked it. He is more interesting than I could imagine. Strange family story


Aaron and Andee talked a lot to me while I was in their kitchen two days ago.

I felt bad because Aaron wants me to read more

and I have distracted myself constantly

starving my intelligence, stunting my healthy growth.

Trying to reply to him about history and failed governments, I stammered and sweated.

i like andee a lot

as i have told you.

i like aaron, but our friendship often reminds me of what i dislike about myself

but it feels better, more important, more true, real, eternal

what am i going on about

friends

meaning

purposes


life

laughing

person

poop

pips

tits

lips

hold me now in your long arms

dear judge
. . . .

i want to finish the new yorker shorts i began the past couple days

i just peed out by the south of my house

i felt good

my thoughts felt clear and honest

sun was peaking thru the trees

it is 7:71

no, it says 7:31


theory.


a ten thousand word thought


every tree on earth

every oxygen respiring plant cell

every nitrogen rich insect

every bedroom of every 30 year old father and his 9 year old daughter

every drop of coffee

every drop of tea

every bubble inside of a liquid or a human


Every possible arrangement of the bones and joints of living human skeletons


The End


Drops That Never Drip

From the Wholes of Bodies


April 28th 2018

I just heard the song Feeling Good about Feeling Good.

I just had a little diarrhea.

Less than an hour ago I signed up at BeTheMatch.org

I heard about it on Good Mythical Morning

I've been watching that show, catching up every week.

Also Podcasts, We're No Doctors, Ear Biscuits, Harmontown


I just saw Andee and Aaron and Malakai and Bobby.


Malakai's last soccer game.


Kind of strange

I lied to Aaron about how far I am in A Stroll with William James.

I said I am about 100 pages further than I am.


Mom said she might bring home Golden Chick, fried chicken, or catfish.


It is almost 5 p.m.


She has spent the day with Tim, Chelsea, and their kids.


After I got home from seeing Aaron and his family I drank Wine.

I read some of my journals from a few years ago, and looked at drawings I made.


I ate a slice of chaeddar cheese, ate a few M and Ms and a Brussels Peppridge Farms cookie and drank a little coke zero mixed with the wine, and I made hot chocolate with whipped cream, and i drank a little, I'll go drink more now. I waited for it to get less Hot.


hmm

boylife in america

cody chesnutt

me and you and everyone we know

hmm

fugazi

sweet and low


- -  May 2nd, 2018, 12:35 p.m.

I am going to post an exerpt of this letter onto this blog after I finish typing this. now.

i did it and i read it

i changed the title to try to better reflect my reality

i like the look of No Capital Letters and No Punctuating.

and i like that it takes less effort to type that way

and i like using caps and punks when i want to

i just ate two Reese's cups

they were okay

semi satisfying

a recent Gibi asmr video is on the TV now

She is testing markers

and whisper in . .

From Home by LCD Soundsystem :

Look around you

You're surrounded

It may get better


I changed that last line


The coffee is not even bitter

Be cause

what is the difference .


That was from Someone Great by them .

who is your favourite person who you have talked with directly voice to voice

I guess i mean someone who you have met in person


pick another person who you have never met or talked with


you want to meet them

eat food

make laugh

maybe make love

maybe make a child AKA human

walk around some buildings or shelter

talking

listening

smelling

pooping

cleaning

smiling

crying

Gibi and me

Gillian Jacobs and me

ACC computer lab girl and me


ten thousand futures

Bur gun dee

cooking

planning

watching

feeling

kissing

digesting

learning

now i am watching Good Mythical Morning


i'll turn it off now

i wanna read more Jacques Barzun and William James today

i recorded myself read out loud and talk for over one hour and thirty minutes today


now it is 1:19 p.m.

oh god . . . what am i going to do.

why am i so annoying

how did he do all those difficult and amazing works

how did he make them happen

how did he make himself

something of himself

someone

So Me O Nee

why do i get so tired so often

why do i feel so overwhelmed and unwilling


Restless . Bored . i r responsible

frustrate

Belong

Be Long

Be Ware

A Ware

What Is A Ware?

My dic sais Anything for Sale

or Pottery

Like Earthenware

Tupperware

but that is plastic

a name


I heard some good songs today

or i like them

i want to listen to more now

that is enough of typing this letter journal for today

bye bye for now


-


Hi, it is 9:42 a.m. on September 13th, 2,018 a.d.

I thought my mom might be dead, because it is about 2 hours later than she usually gets out of bed.

I looked at her a few minutes ago and she was breathing.

I am listening to "Si, Paloma" by Sun Kil Moon.

It is pretty good [:


I do Knot now.

I made a Mix up.

Re Verse

I have almost finished a cup of coffee.

I want to poop soon.

I will read Simmon's Cohen biography as I sit on Toilet.

I imagined going to Emergency Room or hospital after calling 911 about Mom not breathing or Whatever

What I will wear

What I will do first

Before

First Aid

Now the song "Alesund" is on

See what he says


I do knot know . . .

silly word

world Pup

Pooper

Dooper

I wish You were in the yester Hello World Yellow To be Name For them Ever to Hum Juicy Sons and Former

Taxxing

Wallabee, Wishes, My Keen Oliphant

They Rhythm Rim

I am not the Word on Their Pieces or Parts

They are a They

Not he she Biology

Whatever you say

is good

you are god

Let us go

Goes

With it

It goes

They go . . .

That is More than Enough


I am going to start a new Blog on this account

it is going to be a straightfoward Journal

clean, orderly Prose, not Poetry

I guess I will post song things and Poems on this Ego youthful blog.


My new blog is called

Good Enough to Know, Older Greg Blog


Okay, I want to go make it now, talk to you later, Babies, Nice people, homies, children, some holy light