Little Green Coke People

[ Read this in the voice of a sick coughing person ]

Oh, I forgot the wax over the... sun can, and I pulled out the crane from the sidewalk, and she said...

Uh, I'm not even here right now, so I built a straight bridge perpendicular to the ground right in the middle of the road.

It was 30 feet wide and 8,000 feet tall, and if you got in a car, you could use your legs and walk straight up the bridge, and when you got to the end, you would just dip down into some crystal clear water, crystal cool water, and the water would eat your legs off, and your little bony nubs right under your butt would walk along the little bright coral Legend of Zelda, Sonic the Hedgehog beach front property, and two fish made of octopuses would attach to your bony thigh nubs, and you would be able to walk 3000% faster, and you would walk all the way to the store, where you could chop your left hand off and use it to buy a 67 ounce bottle of Green Coca-Cola, and you would unscrew the top, and the carbonation would melt your eyeballs, and so they would droop down off your face and also kinda freeze, or then they would become semi-solid and float and flap in front of your face like dog tongues, and then you could see 1700% better, and then you would pour the Green Coke.

You would stick the top of it in your bellybutton and drink it all through your bellybutton, and then your bellybutton would eat the bottle made of plastic, and then a little hole in your left side would open up, and a little factory would pop out and process the plastic and turn it into little people, who represent Lemmings from the video game of the same name, and they would be able to walk on the air and go anywhere, and they can create any type of matter, that does or doesn't currently exist, and they can replicate themselves, and so they can go anywhere, and they can get as small as they want to, but they can't get bigger than 6 inches tall and 2 inches wide, so they can go anywhere, though, and it only takes them 1 over X amount of time to get there, and they can turn their bodies - they start with little green bodies made of Coke plastic, but then they can turn themselves - they can produce anything real or imagined out of their bodies, and they do this about half their time, 50% of their time, exactly 50% of their time, and the other 50%, they're either resting or having social interactions for pleasure, and so that's basically what reality is for us, so, and these little green Coke people never die, and they never change, unless they want to, and they all waited in line to meet GOD HIMSELF, and they all grabbed onto the hairs of HIS long white beard, and they shake GOD'S hand 50 at a time.

50 of them shake GOD'S hand at one time, and GOD invites them back for some pasta salad and tuna fish, and then my legs grew back, but it felt like the blood inside was made of acid and lead, and so I just tacked them up to the sky, and all my insides spilled out of my mouth *burp*, and I just grabbed onto two birds, who were passing by on their way to The Watering Hole, which is the name of a night club on top of OPRAH'S mansion, and I just grabbed onto their tail feathers, and I was ripped away and just floating, and each bird weighed about 1.1 pound, I mean, each bird weighed .1 pound, and I weighed .11 pounds, and my clothes all turned brown, very pale brown and became tatters, and my penis and I became about 3 feet long, and my penis was also 3 feet long, and I began to cry purple bubbly tears, and it landed on top of all the houses and everyone's yards and all the buildings everywhere and on all the land and the roads, and the bubbles popped up into everyone's faces, and there were these clear gases that were released all over the place, and it made everyone feel like they had just kissed someone, and they smiled and kinda laughed, because they knew they hadn't, but

it still felt like they had just woken up, and they all gave each other high fives and tapped each other on the butt and then just all held hands and walked in unison to the next thing they had to do today.

Goodbye