Joy and Fear

I'm listening to Wild Tigers I Have Known by Emily Jane White. I am very serious. I just ejaculated a few minutes ago. I watched horrible idiotic videos. At one point, I thought, I wish I were not wasting this time. I thought of wonderful things just online that I could be looking at instead. What is the world? The USA came from English colonies 400 years ago. The song is over. (: Lil' Cap'n Travis...

I wanted to listen to Let It Be, but the Beatles' music is not available on Spotify, but  I could just listen some other way I think.

Now a weird live version of Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood is playing.

Haa.... The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth makes me feel 17. Driving to work or some other weird time and activity... It was weird at the time, and now it is something weird that a completely different person than me did.

Rain in Bastrop County. Shiny roads. Grassy smells, tall shaking pines. Mom with friends, Brothers in Austin, Friends all are strangers. I am stranger. I am all ways trying too hard to do the thing that turns out to be the wrong thing to do. I cannot imagine any other life but imagine other lives is all I do.

Sinking and floating and laughing and crying all at once.

I am so confused about what I feel, what I am, when I am... All Questions... Forever, There she is, Drops of Sweet Liquid.

360 degrees, slower than time, lower than light. Pushing Hard Forward on a Circle that Takes Me Back Around to the Same Life I Am Always Living

Always breaking, busting and transforming. But all inside a cocoon that never opens or changes. Then I just use the broken pieces to make myself into a person who feels new but will end up the same way.
Hopefully when I die the cocoon will fall away. I'll be a big beautiful gay Butterfly person. Hopefully Heaven really is for real. I want to eat some red meat... She is insane...

Ecstatically Ordinary... Don't you know I'm just like you? Yes, you. It's proper. It's extraordinary.
I was thinking earlier at work that I am quite stupid...

I watched Speakeasy with Dan Harmon and Mark Maron.. Hmm similar names...

I really hope you like me... I talked to Mom about how I don't really have friends that I hang out with and maybe I should. I saw Stacy yesterday. I was achingly emotional. I drove to Sunset Valley and it looked beautiful, about 11 am, sort of busy, and I cried a little. I still had to drive safely. I went past Tony Burger Center to see if the farmer's market was happening. It wasn't. There were a bunch of teens doing exercises in rows. I gave a dollar to guy on the side of the road with a sign that said disabled veteran. I was the first at the stoplight. He told me about his pension money or something. I tried to talk with him. I did not feel like myself. His face was red and bearded. His eyes were watery. He was chubby or fat I guess.

Now I'm listening to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. I listened to Neurotic Society again . It's pretty amazing.

I have to go to the movie and talk to Aaron tomorrow. What is the worst...

What is happening in your brain?

I really want to know. I want to know. Everything.