knot know

thot it was 4 but it is but i thot it was 5 but it is just below four in the morning.... I don t know how to live here. i canoot go to sleep. I cannot live here much longer. I cannot see iron man 3 today because i have to sleep instead. i have to text tim and maybe mom too, i hope they dont really care. i do not care about my own life. i have to stare at the keyboard to type this. i am not a good typer. i can do something well, but i have ever hardly tried to to do many things ever then not really u didnt do that much in the 45 years from since you had to be alive in the times since you were conceived like a baby. i am afraid of the cars and the people and the blunt hard objects and shrp tools and heavy machines and fast moving things and high places and crazy people and guns and weapons and drugs and peoples.... i do want to die, but not until i figure something out about tonight. i do not want to go to sleep.

i thought about the graphic novel for tim and i. I got excited abut the land living space story. a tree i thought of titles. Ten home tree. magic tiny magic animals spirits. people like me, like me, i am like me, i like me. I love dodger leigh. she head her head she thinks and said her thoughts. she is a nice real person and i love who she is online. I am her when i see the life she lived on the internet, it is repeated living long forever, young and able. evrything. it is very late. very late. I do not want to see iron man. I have to be an answer seeker. I have to find an answer and make an answer the words are annoying. keyboards are dirty. im dirty my dirt is dirty my life and mind and love are dirty. Learn to be what i am. I think i am better now for not sleeping but i do not know how much of a choice this has beeen. It is almost 430 am, and i do not know how i came where i came i am came to the tv the life the world, i came from here. i dont know what i am or what is the real thing, or what is real or how to say perfectly the things i think about, i think around all idea that i think i dont think directly to the idea of existence, why is this, what is the reason, why do this, what is it to do, why do that, why not that, where did this come from, why is anything? Just those things, I cannot say them, type them, by my voice, by my self, my mind, my being. noose around my teeth, broken everything, everyone is mean, mean things are mean to everyone who is nice, so convoluted thought, too many words to say no thing, to say what i am being now, to say what i think is the right real now thing. I think dodger is me, i have been thoroughly explained. thru the do of science and makers and creators and explainers, and they have been hard at work. what does the difference make? what does it matter? is there any reason. i do knot know any people. I am feel more alone. inside me i am eternal of alone, and then i live around everyone and we all know the same life and we all live a new different life, our lives are never the same, the nature of the reality we live according to our tests of the reality and of our selves... i do knot know... How much are they what is a real person? do we do anything right? is this what we are? how do we control ourselves? how do we imagine what to be, and then make them of our mind the us of now in reality... does something?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? this is only explain, i can do this. I have to try. This is an option. This has to be correctted. Correct fact. I am making sure that this is real. I am true to the state of me now. i have to change. Will to survive. Will to change. Change survive to thrive, do not be fake. Be better. You can do better. I am god, I will be like god. I will be like the purpose of all of us doing these things for a very good reason, because we have to and we want to. I need to slow down. I have to change the thing, the thing I am. I am going to realize that I am doing this for life for the real life that we have to live because it is us and we have one choice that we have to choose, or there is the awful love of nothing and the flat reality of now.... We are going there to the round edges, we are seeing below the bottom and we are getting to the pinnacle of the other side, the side behind the side we imagine as the other side, the infinite loop of knowing and accepting and remembering and looking and finding with a feeling that lives beyond and behind us when we feel ourselves... nice, you win. Youre a winner, you find a life that is perfect in every phuggin weigh.... OK, I was serious, but now I am done funnyjoking around with the time.... What am i... bye