I took a little walk, it is now 126 am.


I am listening to Summercamp Vs. the Fake Moustache Tree, again now, 2nd time tonight, it is why I went outside.


TV Scientist.


I thought this sometome in high school:

maybe the main reason People do suicide is because

there is too much to think about and too much time to think about it all




it is 130. I love myself.



I don't worry about people judging me.


I love and accept everyone.


I know this, I know better, I want better, I want  ... to type myself... Un-typical  


What else?   Is   there?    Problems?       I worry sometines,   that   my    Anxiety    Panic     and     Paranoia    may      kill    me     thru      a    heartattack        or       an       aneurysm



Psychotic.......     what    do    drugs    do?       I just    thought     I      need     to      meditate       often,      I     need    and want      to       notice        more       and       pay      attention        and        be         better

G ... don't kill me yet. Please, that's an order, ya son of a bastard, goddamnot ...

I've got the power

I've got the control

I reseev the love

Grace

Mercy

Grace

Mercy

You are you

I am me

You are you

I am me

Cycle 1 has begun again

Learn to smile like Sofie..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................keepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingkeepgoingGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODGODcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopcopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopwopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopmopDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferentDifferent

*music symbol* Street Hassle - Lou Reed, Someone Great - LCD Soundsystem, Having an Average Weekend - Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet, Woody Guthrie, The Goldcast Singers


I tip my hat to a stranger, evn tho I'm not wearin' a hat
I tip my hat to the sun, evn tho it's not the only one

I take my head off when I go outside, so that I feel like I'm already home
I tip my hat to a stranger
We know we're not the only one

Stavros Pourlidas 1 month ago

Woody teaches us with his songs how  a Free man should live  this fleeting life cheerful and with some meaning and when the time of departure comes to have an easy clear peaceful conscience  LOVE

Moonset

Everyday science experiments by every living person

Data collection, tables and charts

Hypotheses, analysis and conclusions

Lulululeileila

Lulululeileila got fired when xhe fired up the grill.
Grand entrance.
Glad to make your acquaintance.
My name is Lulululeileila Xo!, pronounced 'loo loo loo lay lay luh zo!'. The exclamation mark must be included. 'Xhe' can be pronounced, 'zay' or 'je' like in French. It means that I am not identified as either male or female, and my sex or gender, or lack of thereof, or any physical or grammatical identifier, is not yours to know or label, and vice versa.
I know I am just a character created by Gregory Wredberg, who was lying on a bed propped up by two pillows tapping (approximately) this on a smartphone at 12:02 a.m., but then "Unfortunately S Memo [...] stopped running," and now he is typing most of this from memory in the apartment complex business center at 12:23 a.m. *clicks Save*
I suppose I am more than just these words on a screen. I would give you some of my back story, but I ain't got one. Part of my name might remind you of Layla, like The Kinks song. My 3rd person pronoun being 'xhe', I find that comparison apt.
I suppose I can read Gregory's thoughts, and he can read (or write) mine. I suppose my thoughts might be included in his. At least we share some of our thoughts, and now so do you. These might not just be thoughts that he/we give to you; these thoughts are totally your own, because you can read and understand our English, can'tchoo?  ":}{:"Can'tchoo if I can, can'tchoo if I cain't."{"?:}:{

Is all uv it over --Every real person-- ?


... Anyway, I've got 16 siblings you don't know. My 2nd house was light blue. My first house is orange tan. I lived an cocker beagle. At 14 years old, I was the head of my body, and I completed and storied in 1500 words. On my way, at perilous paces, toward 15,000 words, in time. I never had a life. It was not too hard, all the reeling and writhing for naught, to accentuate and articulate and formulate and actualize my verbiage conundrum.


The End

.... Or Did They!!!!!... !. The End. Period. Period "   "   {{{description of something that is not there}}}



Bye

Talk to you later,
Love, Greg

Look!

Cool!


Time for Dinner. Open your Shit. Call Arnold Leonard, a hundred percent. Cut the breast section into 2/3rds and a half, and separate the fatty meats into one two gallon stainless steel container...


Cull radio.


I remember doing stufff.....................................  studip tears


Drinking grow.


Spa car, spot clean, spit shine, Toledo rhyming billboard sign, car fax car fox.. Fuck, the Blue Ox


Pay per Median Operator.


Paper View.


I am a typist.


We are apes.


Brain meaning.


Super Purpose.


Lead to tallest buildings on small days and crunched nights, slip lip slipper, growing supper, ten years, down drift

Airy Gato

Mexican Flavor, wind feels good, warm summer, everything is done, I have lived, I made this up, Look at what we have accomplished, Look how good it is, it is not good enough, we are not done and never will be, happy?, I look like uncle and smell farm animals, piss semen sweat tears, sweet bread, I died, we are happy and nappy and Christ and Jewish and Blue and Grey and Red. I am well read, I am read across the globe and across the generations, insane time, water aerobics, loose change, Starbucks, Acrobat, Adobe houses and huts (Hutz) and butts and Liver, Goose, Friday, Bean, Grab, Snatch. Grump, Quip, Stump, Wipe, Gripe, Grip, Woander, quit

Not Tame, But Tired

Tacodrop Meow Humanperson

go away spend some time with me

spraycalm

Are you just, are you just? Areyoujust areyoujust

I had a great dream: Serial swindler, IRS steals money. Big house. Wires, communication, network, conspiracy, ingenuity, exploitation, execution, unashamed. Evil.

loosing my mine, ah ah ahah
waay beehind, ah ah ahah
aint gahh tiime, ah ah ahah
end of the liine, ah ah ahah

Ursula, the Pink Hitch-hiking Ukulele from Barcelona

You're so solemn and devout and divine, you spit the spout through the Earth and out to a better time. I sit on the edge of the land where I was born, dangling my toes. I cannot get closer to death before I reach my close. Now is finally the time to do the math and figure out why I was born. A casual observer of life from afar, to get a better view I travel till I'm lost inside. Aida & Berta & Ursula say thank you for the ride.

At a 3rd hand store on a white steel shelf I lay. I am without family. I have always gone to and to... I am not from. My forward is the kept of the unknown buyer. They, A & B, have being one as now. I was played gently then meanfully. The meanness I was made to break through, and crisis a want to begin.

All the black straight hair I am confused. Laughing young ladies to be sure are perfecting las solas after grunge washes the mediocrity y technofobia into besos eternos.

Life.

Weirda. Come sweely cool child raising the Sun.

I have a happy box. My coat is shiny, raw, and beautiful like a healthy black leopard's tongue.

"How can you hang with our reasonable speeds?"

The music that I tell is a mystery to me.

Where We Go, What We Do, What We See, How We Feel

Eating blueberry ice cream crepes in a casino in Las Vegas

Shitting jalepeno seeds on a cruise ship on the Caribbean

My tummy turns over like a lightning bolt at the speed of sound

The blood in her head looks great on her dress, but I don't say a word
and I don't say a word

Ants on the asphalt boil like gold in your teenager's throat

We, who afford the luxury, we inherit the world and its money

You know what gets my goat, a tower of perfectly balanced oranges
and a man too young to know he's old

Quirky and the Elephant’s Brigade!

Quirky and the Elephant’s 

Brigade!

In the time when dinosaurs roamed the land, there lived a bright, shiny puppy named Gregory. He frolicked all day and night without a care in the world. Some days when a mean dinosaur approached him looking for trouble, Gregory growled his mightiest growl, and the dinosaur would quickly gallop away. Gregory slept in a small cave near a big rock, called Enchanted Rock. When Gregory awoke with the sunrise each morning, he would race out of his cave and climb Enchanted Rock all the way to the top. He stood there proudly for a moment and stared at the Valley of Boulders, which was the area from the Mystic Mountains to the Sparkling Lake. When he came down from the rock he pounced in the bushes looking for a big, tasty bug for breakfast. When the sun was high in the sky, Gregory lay on the warm ground of the valley and slept. He jumped into the Sparkling Lake often and swam in circles near the shore. It was a very large lake and Gregory had never seen the other side. Gregory returned to the top of Enchanted Rock and watched the sun set behind the Mystic Mountains. Gregory dreamed of traveling over the mountains and finding the place where the sun went at night. Gregory didn’t know why the sun had to leave every night, but he forgave it since it returned every morning.

One cold morning Gregory woke before dawn. It was just light enough to see in his cave. He stared across the land at the grey sky. He kicked around a rock with his front paw. It was quiet. He could hear the wind whistle through his cave. He lay still and slept more. He woke up again to his growling stomach. He walked out and saw two big tyrannosauri walking towards each other. When they met, they began to fight. It was very violent, and the dinosaurs looked angry, like they wanted to kill each other. Their fight came towards Gregory, and he leaped into a bush for protection. One of the dinosaurs smashed the other into Gregory’s cave and destroyed it. Gregory jumped from his bush and barked at the remaining dinosaur. It stood still for a moment then headed to the Valley of Boulders. Gregory followed still barking angrily. Once in the valley, the dinosaur ran faster than Gregory could follow, and Gregory quit barking. All over the valley the dinosaurs were fighting each other. Gregory was scared. He ran into the Sparkling Lake and swam for miles. When he could not swim anymore, he drowned to death.

A second later, a meteor struck the earth, and all of the dinosaurs died. Ten million years later, I sat at a table with John, Jacob, Mary, and Susan. They spit in my face, and I peed my pants and cried. I had my backpack on as I walked on the brown, crunchy leaves going home. My name was Jeremy. I was 72 years old. That was sixty years after now anyway. I was also twelve. Now was 9:37 p.m. February 17, 2004. I wished I hadn’t said that. I wished I had said something. I swept the road at night. Then after making me wait a while, Jerry moved and said something. I thought he was incompetent, but I admired him. We walked along the empty street at night, in that nice, quiet, small town in Northern Virginia. There were lights on each side of the street, and peaceful, welcoming houses. Jerry mentioned something about Gregory and a puppy, but I wasn’t listening. I was thinking about a girl... I didn’t know what to say to make it special. I wondered what I should have said. I wanted to tell her about Harble and his office building at sunrise. Why would she care though? Only I think it means something. It doesn’t mean anything. I wanted to meet Harble. I wanted to be Harble.

Sight of You

I have no gun under my hat on my head
I tip it up at you so you know what I know
We do what we do
We hope we make it through

You drove on the street
I walked on the sidewalk
I want you to see how gay I can be
I get overjoyed at the sight of you

I need to tell you
Like I need to tell you

I need to tell you
Love I need to tell you

I love to tell you

Walking

All I want is honesty.

Hi. I am in the business center at my apartments. I got out of bed about 20 minutes ago.

About 9 last night I took a walk around my hood. I listened to They Might Be Giants Rdio. I was bursting with energy. I speed walked. I started to wave and say Hi or Hello to every passing car. I passed a guy sitting at a bustop. I said Good Evening in a low voice. I did not detect a response. It is too cold in here.

I tried to walk funnily, to put on a show for the people driving by. I gave some thumbs up. skipped for under a minute, till I was too tired to. I wondered if I was totally altering my personality for good. I had fun. The exercise was good for me. I felt like I was high on something. Just my own body and mind and life.

I listened to music really loud after I was back in the apartment. I turned off the AC and opened the balcony door. Ween and Pixies and Neutral Milk Hotel. I said loudly, Saturday night, and, I have chairs, wondering if someone could hear me.

I thought of myself as having a one-person party.

Pat and Bridget arrived shortly after.

Within ten minutes he asked if I wanted to play a game. I reacted negatively then said Yes.

We played Small World, and I did poorly. Pat beat Bridget by 5.

I got tired. Pat ordered Papa John's. I ate 2 or 3 slices.

He got root beer. I like root beer, but I don't want to kill myself any further with soda.

A few weeks or months ago, we had some cream soda, and a few times I put some in my mouth to taste it, then I spit it out.


About 1 am, I went for a walk with my phone and ear buds.

I walked east on the north side of Stassney. I was a little scared of violent homeless people and crazed youths. I did not notice any.

I passed two daycares.

I walked slowly. I had my arms crossed for a long time. I wanted to look hungry and pitiful. Or maybe I just was.





The moon was about 75%.

I looked at it every SO often.

I turned right on Congress. I like the large undeveloped area. The moon and trees and clouds were beautiful. I felt weird. I felt that everything was empty and meaningless. I thought that Meaning means nothing. I walked by an open taco truck. Two people sat at a picnic table talking. I thought of asking for food for free, politely begging. I thought, Yo soy nada. Tengo nada. Then I wondered how to say I feel nothing in Spanish.



I began to walk with arms behind my back and more energy. I turned right on Eberhart. I played Igorrr's Nostril on Youtube.com and listened with ear buds in my ears.

I liked it a lot. I thought of Aaron and if he would like it. I laughed a little.

My attention to and and enthusiasm for the music waned. In front of the Arts was a man and a truck and a dog. I looked at the light colored dog and said Pretty dog. I passed the man seconds later, looked at him, and said Good Evening. He said something quietly. He was shorter, older, and had a little dark mustache.


I got back about 3:30 am.


I listened to ASMR a little. I fell asleep...


Goodbye for now

always ben and will

I know how to always be a quark's flavor.
I am the best at being eternity's forever!
My name is Ben.
I work in a car.
ym dneirf si lliW.
We play with thin wheat bread and white cow cheese.
I love my self.
I am happy almost every morning; my two shiny fully functional human hands appear before my two fully functional beautiful eyes.
Before yesterday and after tomorrow.
Three Days Will never die for you.
It happened again.
I Will pop the universal red balloon skin.
Inside the balloon is not the balloon.
Candy fun party colors apricot pit penis saliva.
Goose pimples Ben's arm, every day to work and forward. My car is a Pathfinder. It's eleven hundred years old. My Star burnt out. Ben change it out with two fingers. Two friends have lists to read out loud to each other. Light is fake.
Lake fight. Flight lake. Light flake.
Charles choose me. Will fell; Ben did not slow or look back. I give you my secret.
A flow below, we uncovered.
Charles Beckett chuckle the floor and a half years, but she hides the same man, and I will be a great place for a smiling face. I have been getting Monday night and day out of town for work and play with the help of my favorite part of the most passionate you.
Will live for ever.
Urgent Heidi's itch neurobiology.

Kintow

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Bbbrrrrrmmmmm. Thunder rolls.
T-t-t, chs-chs-chshh. Rain splatters the window.
Bzz, crshkcrshkrsh. TV static buzzes and crackles.
Clop. Clop. Clop. Mom walks to answer the door.
Heeheeheehahaha! Grandpa laughs childishly at his TV tray of peas and carrot and mashed potatoes with butter.
He plays peeka-boo with the food. He sticks out his tongue and blows - pllllbbbbtttttthh. Saliva sprays and drips.

The supine child's gaze rolls along the white slick ceiling. From there on the floor, it's two or three of her lengths away. Every one of her muscles, except her eyes, relinquishes itself to gravity, sagging into a scruffy carpet the color and dankness of snow on a busy city street, distant as that is. Then her arms and legs sway to their own wild will. She swims by not moving or seeing or hearing...

Thunder crashes. Rain plummets and splashes the ghostly wood and pale vinyl on the idyllic isolated farmhouse, in a greenest dell cut from a deep tall woods.

Mom lets Dad in.

He drips and, "Jesus!"

She's, "Sorry."

He's, "For what?!" Because nature is loud.

"Just," she takes his jacket.

"Ehh..!"

The child stares at them through the foyer doorway. "Hi, Molly! How ya doin'?" He waits two seconds, motionless and staring her way. No response. "Yeah, well, me too."

Heeheeheehahaha! Plbbbttt. Heehah!
Bzztz, Crshkrkrkshh...
Drip, drop, plink, plonk, pshh, pshh, splat, tip, tap.
Kssshhhhh-brrrrrrmmmmm!
Ding dong! The doorbell rings.

Thirty seconds have passed since Dad knocked.

Dad opens the door for a smiling man under a brown cap holding a half-man-sized white cardboard cube with black cow spots printed on it. He sets it down on the wood floor and leaves.

The child begins to swell with interest in the man and his box, but she hides it and turns the other way to super-old, insane Grandpa. Heehah! Peekaboo! Her eyes glaze, and a chill creeps down her spine. Her arms hold her tightly.  Her eyes close. She breathes out deeply and releases her tensions further into the musty carpet.

The child faintly senses everything around her at once. "Half a doze-... Two today?!... Why doesn't it ever-... Then three or four... just... again..." from the foyer.

The food stinks. The carpet emits wide-ranging odors from weeks of weather and walking. The rain is fresh and clean. Grandpa rots. Mom and Dad steam and boil over, grimy, sweet, and sweaty.

There are cowboys chasing Indians and Indians chasing cowboys on the fuzzy, ancient TV. Who knows if they're real or not?
Bing bong! The door-dell brings.

Another thirty seconds have passed. The girl rolls onto her stomach. Her white T-shirt twists and cinches, embracing her lovingly.

The man brings a cow-boxed shape in-too the in-house. It is placed by placing, now a stack of two identical cubes.

He leaves. The child stretches. Her purple shorts bunch up tight, like she likes it.
She turns and rolls and gazes and stares.
Boom! Crash!
Splish! Splatter!
Bzz, crshshkr.
Peeka-boo! Teeheehahahee!
"Five-fifty!?... NO, you DON'T!... Eleven, ten K... I don't eve-..."

She focuses in on one melody of dripping rain. Plip... ploop..plop, plip. Everything else drains away. Beside the bottom of the front porch steps in the grass is a little puddle gathering rain. Two pecan-sized black beetles jump in and paddle around helplessly, but they seem to like it...

Ting Tong! Doordle-ings.

Thirty more seconds've passed.

White box-man sets down another moo-cube on the floor. He goes again.

The afternoon fades as the storm blackens. Life slows to a haze. The girl swims very deep and far. She stretches into another world. From a circle of carpet around her a small sunny-green dome softly gathers upward and cocoons her. Blue spots and white clouds shine at her, tiny and close. She is warm and giddy. She giggles and grins. Her black locks sparkle and splash on her head. Her white skin beams red. Baby-sized black-spotted white cartoon cows prance around her. Mouses click, click.
She slips and slides through windows and Bliss.
Why not?

She hides her fortune. Grandpa stares at her looking serious. ... Plllbbtttthh!... drip. Heeeeeeehaahahhh!...

The girl's insides are exploding. She writhes and quietly squeal-hums. Dad walks in, eyes cast down, "What the hell..?"

"Just ignore her," Mom breezes past to the light-drenched kitchen to do work.

"Whatever floats your boat." He strolls behind Mom, passing Grandpa. Plllllbbbbbtttttttt- "Shaddup! ... Jesus... Damn retard--"

"Hey!!" Mom scowls and cleans. All quickly attend to her, still and waiting.

The girl shrinks into her shivery skin and lies facing straight up. Her eyes feel open and broken. She stares at the ceiling, ignoring the rest. She reluctantly accepts her awareness of her real life.

There's a cat in my car.
I'm a superstar.
I'm alone in the dark
And I can't even see my ears.

Why did you wash the paint out of your beautiful hair?
We go wandering through the open air.
Wait, what is that over there?
Good Goddamnit, that is one scary bear.

Hambone

The Day

I don't wanna go outside even though I want to . I'm tired. I just had an eight hour shit. Of library dooty. Beth and I talked today more than usual it was nice.

Life is Kids in the Hall... Kids in the Hall...

I saw a biking female.  I thought "sex". Her white skin and angular curvy body.

OK. Pat and I were in the apartment. He had just bought Domino a new litter box to put in the dining room closet. The sliding door started closing on its own; it's outta whack like it wasn't fixed. This seemed to annoy Pat. I said I'll tell them tomorrow.

I wrote that first paragraph months ago. Patrick asked for the tape. I moved really slow. Put off by his attitude. He seemed annoyed with me. He said, sarcastically, 'Just phone it in', or something like that. I was painfully and tearfully frustrated. I quickly went to the business center to type this out. I typed that first paragraph then Patrick knocked on the business center door. I was startled.  I closed the blog page and let him in. I forgot what we did next.




Later peace

Huge Crushes

Erin Timony ,  Goodnight Moon ASMR

Kat Edmonson

1. Gillian Jacobs

2. Stevie Wynne Levine

Michelle Williams