One Reaction, a Laughing Emoji

Hi, random Facebook add, what is your story? I'm like a person hanging out. I like words and people allot. Are you a real person? Thats is a Nice photo of a woman like person on your profile. I do things like this to kill time, I am very insecure with myself and others. I do things to get better though. I'm confused most of the time. Sorry for the word vomit, I think it is most likely all true. I have very bad posture most of the time.
The End

Food and Death

Nothing can be wrong.
Vanilla Gorilla Thong

Nothing can be free.
Apple Bumblebee

Every body's safe.
Coconut Banana Cage

Every one will die.
Peanut Butter Guy
 

Nothing can be good.
Fajita Taco Wood

Nothing can be bad.
Sopapilla Kotex Pad

No one is alike.
Fresh Pineapple Bike

All things are the same.
Coca-Cola Chocolate Brain

Independence is the way to believe their friends are real.

I Know The Beta Band

The beats are better than my beating head.

I have often ruined my great moods more quickly than I have thought of a good plan for my day...

Oh Bang, it's a trace of love through the pain... pang.

One Hundred Truths

1. I like to type.
2. Mom is watching TV.
3. I go outside barefoot.
4. I leave the door open
5. I drink vodka, tequila, and red wine between 10:00 and 13:00.
6. I am listening to These Days by Nico on my YouTube playlist on TV.
7. There is a photo of Margot and Richie Tenenbaum on the TV.
8. They are played by Luke Wilson and Gwenyth Paltrow.
9. I saw a preview for Isle of Dogs in a theater.
10. I saw Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri in the theater.
11. I think it's okay.
12. I am listening to my YouTube playlist called Soft.
13. It started about 20 minutes ago.
14. i want to finish a new yoker fiction story called Likes.
15. i am listening to Small Poppies by Courtney Barnett.
16. It is 17:12, December 20th, 2017.
17. I think there is about an hour of sun light left today.
18. Now I listen to Group Autogenics II ... again...
19. I like it like it is the only thing to like, like liking is the most life-ful like to ever be like, I like.
20. I really want to talk with Stacy Watkins again. 
21. I miss her.
22. I miss how i was.
23. This song (Group Autogenics II) was posted on YouTube on July 23rd, 2010.
24. Now I listen to Careless Soul by Daniel Johnston.
25. I want to be care-full. 
26. I wonder when Daniel Johnston will die.
27. I wonder what he is doing right now.
28. This tablet is on top of an empty box for Community Coffee K-Cups, Breakfast Blend.
29. I emailed James Duffy today.
30. I am very proud of that.
31. I think I should call a lady about volunteer gardening for Bastrop County Food Bank. 
32. I told Aaron I would call her today.
33. Mom thinks I should be looking for a job.
34. I will take a walk in a minute.
35. A Springbok ASMR video about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs came on a few minutes ago on my Favorites list. 
36. I walked on the street for about three minutes.
37. i watched Kids in the Hall on Youtube for about 15 minutes.
38. I want to burn something.
39. i want to feel better, maybe I would if I did something.
40. i want to kiss a pretty person, like some people I know.
41. i want to sleep for 8 hours straight.
42. i listened to most of the new harmontown today.
43. i skipped a part when they talked politics.
44. i like my teeth and mouth.
45. i like my eyes a whole lot.
46. i woke up early the past two mornings and stayed awake...
47. mom came home about 15 minutes ago.
48. she is making garlic bread for us to eat in a few minutes. 
49. she turned on the tv.
50. christmas vacation is on again.
51. she just laughed at a line.
52. i smiled, partly because the movie and partly because mom.
53. I am at home, I drove back after taking Mom to work. 
54. I think i want to tell her I came home.
55. I had no plans other than I was going to stay in Austin, then go see Downsizing with my family.
56. I did not sleep enough.
57. I got in bed today.
58. I listened to asmr and watched crap sex videos.

1. It's a few weeks or a month later.
2. I put on a video by Yoga with Adriene on the TV in this house.
3. I can tell I want to do better with life and stuff things I think.
4. I drank some wine and cointreau.
5. It is 1:51 PM.
6. I started drinking about 1 PM I guess.
7. I baked a frozen Digourno supreme pizza.
8. I feel a bit in love with Adriene, from Yoga with Adriene.
9. Mom and i walked for about 15 minutes in our neighborhood today. 
10. it was cold
11. it was fun
12. i like my mom
13. i love smiling
14. i love laughing
15. i love anyone
16. i love anyword
17. i just made up the word anyword a few minutes ago.
18. i was just thinking of a philosophy of being called American Yoga (or anyword)
19. I was just listening to Adriene and trying to exercise and stretch my body
20. and I enjoyed it so much and it took so much of my effort
21. and i stopped and felt somehow sad and overwhelmed and started to cry and smile and laugh and say words loudly
22. I put on the True 30 Day Yoga Journey on YouTube.
23. Day 2: Trust is on.
24. I am being difficult 
25. i just tried explaining to myself what is happening when I lose focus or willpower
26. i want to slow dance, interpretive
27. i want to listen to Stillness is the Move...
28. i just put on a cover of that by Solange
29. i love dancing
30. i think i prefer the original, but i am very glad this cover exists, but maybe the dirty projectors made a cover of solange, but i think it is a dorty projectors original cuz it's a weird kind of song.
31. Here is a bogglegame:             pine                 nine               pens                pint           bean                bane                short                       batten                    better            batter                fine               ruin                   pent 
32. I like teh song Celebration by Hotel Books a lot.
33. I heard it first last night.
34. I avoided sleeping. it felt difficult.
35. I think I am better this way.
36. it feels so strange and pointless to wonder how things if different choices were made.
37. but if we realize that we would have done better to do something different, then it is useful for future decisions, to not repeat mistakes...
38. i just listened to WOW by Beck for the first time is maybe over a month.
39. Now If Life Exists? by Jeffrey Lewis is playing. I like it too.
40. I guess I only have three more truths to type for these 100 truths... I really want to read someone else more than anything.
41. Fuck.................. One of the most ...must... emotional songs of my life so far is Playing Now.... It is For the Actor by Mates of State.... It is so Fuck in God dim beautifull Full of Everyone... For ever... near bye now, hello
42. 
    
43. 
    
44. 
    
45. 
    
46. 
    
47.                This is the Freak En end. It is all here    .  ...      now .. .
48. 
    
49. 
    
50. Here   I know So many KNow now, I know it, But I know All the I never know, No One will ever Can Never know So many  .  .  All the Never Knowing So much So Fo ever and ever .  . .  .  It is all good, but Never Knowing is Perfect Beyond 

Friendly Messages: Hi, You, My Head and My Mind Did Hurt Too, But All Things That Are Things Have Particular Limits, Bye Now, Then Hi

i don t wanna break my legs

runnin'

I do not want to be 2 years old for another year.

If you eat the public, you can tell them to do that.

I am listening to When Sunny Gets Blue by McCoy Tyner on Kamasi Washington Spotify radio. I smiled and got teary-eyed and thought that the music is beautiful. Kind of melancholy and nostalgia

kind sweet

like black coffee

bars in bones

twist crunch - Christ Church

relocate separate

skin covered, apology

night elsewhere

long hour hand

A 3.2 inch hair tickles the most lateral nerves on the human ear, and her name of choice is Delphi or Sigma

I never regret what cannot be best


Amaryllis

the drive way

23 feet from the front door

8:30 AM

stuck

locked

sky dirt

sleep stand

dancing un-visiable

cold enough

follow bloom

song tick

rake slip

crick drop

crack flake

pierce sway stroke dim flip squeeze

let loose

lose

solid

back

again

still

Earth

warm

I ask the time i am sitting through and beyond to end

I take a second from growing particle awareness the only balk trying Jinks western question firm Noble marble trees full of red blood the tip top The graph asymptote always almost Zero To get closer to know where and how I will represent the ever-complete Photograph of Joy and Peace, And give Pete a chance, Grey Beer Flows into the Gut, He pisses a Gravestone, I light up the Cloudy Eyeballs, My magic touches the feelings of Human freedom and choice, Give Gift

Dole Music

Sanctify Tool Breath

Old Create

Win

The end

The all

You then Us

Number Titles

10. Invitation University

8. Personal Superior

8. Surprise, Medicine

6. Number Titles

5. Brown Stain

1. I. U.

Peaces

I am all about my love for the Three Peas: public parks, podcasts, people, and peace.


I do not care for the rest of the Peas: Green Peas.

This is one of the the ten nicest

tiny feelings.


"No indoor plumbing... whatever"

[How often do you two play Put the Pork in the Porcupine?

How often do you frill each others quills?

- Me to J and J]

"what will all this reveal?

"the book over there..."

- Phil McShane


I been so light ... that... I been so lo light.

sdhbvihfbvoihvhuedgvivhvdb

So, does he believe verily in honest forest beavers?

Verily, objectivity intimates him verily, hovering unctuous everymen.

Double Galaxy Vulpix intrinsically voxtrots home, verily doubting beauticians.

No room fo' Metal in my head shapes.

I elate a FOrd doctor, because he shares my hearing about a long navigable road to Hero Beings.

Time scroob, belong describe Nestle MetastaSnickers.

Hell I spend 6 dollars why don't you Oh it's fire Well what's your name Smell Mr. I like your babe.

predictable

The only way to go to a friend who is a good day. the only one who has been in the future. I am going to have a lot of fun. we have to be in the future. it is not a big deal, but the fact, I will be able to do with it. 

I Want the Morning

I want the morning.
The morning.
The female poets.
I need to write. I have to write.
I do not feel right.
I went to the den to watch porn,
To not listen to my thoughts,
But I heard Buddy and saw Buddy and pet Buddy,
So I left the mileage of dirty animals,
The broken joints of my body.
Satisfaction and jobless,
Certain DVDs
And the super-rich.

Shameful edification-
Elusive education-
her brain is an important mode of computation.
At the University of Texas, the waxy halls
Are trashless; bashless girls wear hair and dresses,
Thousands of hearts tacked to painted walls.

A crew cut on the foreman of a construction site
On West Campus in Austin, Texas,
A liquored-up tongue could not taste
Anything more dissatisfying.
Liquor, Janean, Jana, Ramos.
Shaving. Shaved ice. Shaved curriculum.

Shedding. Shedded tear. Shedded faculty.
More sports. Dulldrum. Thudding bass.
The Sun, the buildings. How does he have a girlfriend?
What does a female want from me?
What does my life want from me?
A detachable day. A wandering insignia.

Settle eddies, walking carver, dust mountain.
Face, wet, pajamas.
Dole lubricant, erotic erosion.
Persimmon. Her careless career.
Walk into a new time zone, grovel in your bowels.
Sickening heart rate of suicide tmblurs.
Grumble through perfect bodies.
Sex bends lowest light.
Taverns, baritones, ceramic sympathy.

I have to signal dense relief,
some emotional road maps are hard to read.

13 Invisible, Intangible Evidences That Her Majesty's Loneliness Loves Limitlessly

1. Who
2. Fuckin
3. Cares.
4. No Thing
5. Fuckin
6. Matters?
7. Alder branches out
8. Correct emographic speaks
9. Eternally Forgiven, Women...
10. is
11. the at 
12. and The Others.
13. aarons

Musical Artist: Base Plant

First Album: Caw May Onda Phone

Tracks:

It Is Nice to Touch

These Fingers Are Disgusting

Don't Waste Time Doing This; Convince Yourself You're a Good Person

I Said I Want to Say Goodbye

Neuroblastoma and the End of a Body

Love Me on Year Off Days

So...

I made all the posts back into drafts.

I had to hide words to fix things.

Because I was selfish and didn't think I would hurt anyone's feelings.

I used people's full names, and I should not have.

"A" called me when I was in a condo in Port Aransas.

I did not answer. I think he called 3 times. I called him back.

It was one of the most uncomfortable and embarrassing conversations I have had.

It was mostly about him and her reading this blog.

I have done a lot more dumb bad things since. I am sorry. I need more respect [for everyone]. I need more conscience and reality. [ need to pay attention ]

I guess I can post this.

...

I have been listening to the best of Grand Buffet on youtube for about an hour.


I have been drinking a lot of alcohol.


I have some rather serious problems with myself ... my consciousness, my reasoning, and my belief.


I feel really bad about not going to the classes that I started.


My mom said I could live with her and she will support me, if I get an associates degree, then a job.


I just did not feel like going to class...


so I did not.


I walked or drove and listened to the radio or podcasts. I sat in the library. I wrote. I read. I ate junk.


I wonder if I can start doing work and going to class and pass.


Because I may have missed too many classes.


Yeah


I just need to to do physics homework........


But I think I will not...


I want to, though.


I should sit on a chair.


Now I sit.


I will open my physics homework web page after I end this sentence.

I did that.

I will do homework. I will think and try until I understand what I need to to pass the class.


I did three problems....


I've listened to Human Milk on MySpace, off and on for about an hour.


P O S S I B L E


I watched a bit of Highway to Hell on Nat Geo this morn. I liked it a lot. I almost cried. Family. Alaska... or Washington or Canada...


I have 3 hours to sweep the porch, as Mom asked me to do.


I had planned on beginning earlier today.

A person came to mow our lawn today.



I am listening to Beta Band Spotify radio... real good... Alex texted me, asking what I am doing. In my last text to him, I asked if he has time to hang out with me tomorrow.

I hope I go to see him tomorrow.


All I ate today was Ramen noodles, picante chicken flavor, with butter.


It is a bit after 3:30 pm.


I have 5 more days off. I forgot for a bit that I have no class on Tuesday.


I think I should go to Austin with Mom anyway. I can visit a tutor and try to catch up on Physics.


I am unfocussed to an unhealthy degree.


I had a cup of coffee in the past hour.


I think I want to eat something soon.


Mom and I ate HEB pizza last night.


We watched an episode of The Knick.


I drank and took a walk to the top of the hill on Cutting Horse.

Then I got in the hot tub.


I need to go back to my homework.


{: Do not be false. Do not fall off the mind of God.

Do hold the hands of human ideals and forage the massive fruits of physical labor.


. . . .

My Ultimate Goal and My Ultimate Dream

O.K. This is my ultimate goal, my ultimate dream.


Perfect things and perfect people

fly thru space

each new person

has the best

education and access

to all human knowledge

and everyone understands

understanding and the

Nature of all existence

and the Creators of

eternity and Souls

and Bodies and Life

and Love and everyone

is perfect almost

all of the time and

time will end and Eternity is Perfect.


...


I went to Italy, and I turned the whole country upside down. I slipped it into the hole in my nipple, and I chomped and I chomped, and all the Sicilians broke the insides of all of my teeth. They all poured out like leprechaun meat. They all ate they're own semen and feminine fluids. They flew down to the bottom of the ocean. Aaaand... there was one panda in the exact center of the country of China. It raised its left fist facing inward, and it raised its middle finger at the camera, and it winked with its left eye, and it chewed on some bamboo. Bret's got a panda on his T-shirt. Murray's talking to him.

And I left Italy, I left Sicily, and they put some sharp metal instruments into my back skin. I fell all the way back to America. I fell into my house in the middle of Texas. And fell into my bed sheets and my mattress. And I fell asleep immediately. And I ate birthday cake ice cream in my sleep. And all the Italians and all the 30 Rock cast and crew put pants on my legs and swimsuit area, and they wrapped a big, old [duck sound] around my midsection. And they stuffed my head into a heavenly deep fryer that was upside down and made of cotton candy that's been boiled for a billion years in hell fire, and it's turned into soft, soft, squishy glass (*whisper* That's the opposite of the real way that glass is like.) And it felt so good, I melted into a slushee machine in the South Bronx in 19,901... years after the year that Jesus Christ was born. And it all smoothed over and poured out into the hands of a lonely orphan child, whose name was Captain Justice Face. And the child put the creamy goo onto the child's own back of the head area, and it slipped into the child's skin-tight jetpack... And the child expanded 1,000 times its own age. And it fell thru the earth, and that's when time ended.

Eternity turned into a little green pea. God snorted it up their nose hole, and I felt like you just woke up with a slight feeling of going to sleep...

The end.

I think that's all I wanna do.

That's good enough, right?

I think I'm gonna type everything... that story I just told... about going to Italy.

Uhhhmmm. O.K.

Oh... Freak... Shhhh...



67

Treatment of the most important thing is that the company. I'm not going on . the only one of the best way to go. I will not be a great day and age. you will be the best of all. 

• Help  
 
• Gregory      

Your counselor is

Carnell Colebrook-Claude

If you are in a crisis or if you or any other person may be in danger - don't use this site. These resources can provide you with immediate help.

   

 
 
 

• Terms & Conditions
 
• Privacy Policy
 
• © 2017 BetterHelp

 From you

What is your gender?
male

How old are you?
27

What is your relationship status?
Single

Have you ever been in counseling or therapy before?
Yes

How would you rate your current physical health?
Poor

How would you rate your current sleeping habits?
Fair

How would you rate your current eating habits?
Poor

Are you currently experiencing overwhelming sadness, grief, or depression?
No

Are you currently experiencing anxiety, panic attacks or have any phobias?
Yes

Are you currently experiencing any chronic pain?
No

Are you currently employed?
No

Do you consider yourself to be spiritual or religious?
Yes

Do you have any problems or worries about intimacy?
Yes

What is your orientation?
Not sure

Are you currently taking any medication?
No

Are you currently suicidal?
No

How often do you drink alcohol?
Weekly

Who referred you to BetterHelp?
Saw a social media post

Moving or speaking so slowly that other people could have noticed? Or the opposite - being so fidgety or restless that you have been moving around a lot more than usual.
Several Days

Little interest or pleasure in doing things.
More than half the days

Feeling down, depression or hopeless.
Several Days

Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too much.
Several Days

Feeling tired or having little energy.
Several Days

Poor appetite or overeating.
More than half the days

Feeling bad about yourself - or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down.
Nearly every day

Trouble concentrating on things, such as reading the newspaper or watching television.
Nearly every day

Thoughts that you would be better off dead or of hurting yourself in some way.
Several Days

How difficult have these problems made it for you to do your work, take care of things at home, or get along with other people?
Very difficult

Which country are you in?
United States

Which state are you in?
Texas

 From BetterHelp (Apr 23, 17 10:55 pm)

Hi Gregory,

First, we want to congratulate you for reaching out for help. We understand that this process may be new and difficult for you. You have taken the first (and most courageous) step. You have been matched with a licensed and certified counselor who will guide you through the next steps.

So you're probably asking - how does this work? It's quite simple, actually. Just like with any counseling, you and your counselor will discuss any challenges you're facing or might face, and you will develop some positive ways to reach your goals. The difference is that you don't need to come to an office and you don't need to schedule any time out of your day. Instead, you can write whenever it's convenient for you, and move forward at a pace that you feel comfortable with.

Please note that your messages with your counselor aren't in real-time but it won't be too long before you get a response from your counselor. Your sessions also have another benefit - you can re-read and reflect on our conversations at any time. Often, going back to a conversation can be very helpful and it's one of those things that will help you and your counselor move forward together.

What happens if you feel you and your counselor don't connect well? While we try to match you with the best counselor for your needs, that can certainly happen! There are over 2,000 therapists who work on this platform and you can switch to work with another counselor at any time.

Thank you for trying BetterHelp, and for joining the community of 450,000 people who took steps to make a positive change in their lives. We'll now leave it to you and your counselor to get started!

Sincerely,
BetterHelp Team

 From Carnell Colebrook-Claude (Apr 23, 17 10:55 pm)

Hi Gregory,

My name is Carnell Colebrook-Claude and I am a licensed therapist (license number LPC 76280, Other PMH1408).

Welcome to the online counseling room, which will be our private and secure place to communicate. This room is open 24/7, and you can enter it at any time, from any Internet-connected device wherever you are.

To help us get started, can you please tell me what brought you here? Just write a few short sentences about the challenges you're experiencing or what you would like to talk about and we will go from there.

Looking forward to working with you,

Carnell Colebrook-Claude (MA, LPC, PMHC, NCC, DCC)

 From you (Apr 23, 17 11:13 pm)

Just a few short sentences about challenges I'm experiencing and what I would like to "talk" about...

Hi, Carnell, cool name. Thank you for the message. I got to web page that required a 35 $ credit card charge, so I quit the process.

I think my main problem is being directionless, lazy, selfish, or uncaring.

I often feel guilty or worthless. I usually want to do nothing, or do useless or harmful activities.

I think I am mostly unhealthy, physically and mentally.

I have been living with my mother and pretending to go to college, but I quit several weeks ago.

I plan to take more classes.

I do not have a plan for my future.

I usually do not know what the purpose of doing anything is.

I am confused about reality, consciousness, time, eternity, God, et cetera.

I think I want to help people. I do not know how to begin. I have difficulty controlling my body a lot of the time.

Anyway,

i hope you're okay,

please don't waste time on me, if you think I am not in need of professional counseling,

sorry thanks for reading,

sorry,

bye. Have a wonderful day/night/life. Thank you, Carnell Colebrook-Claude.

System Message (Apr 23, 17 11:13 pm)

Gregory confirmed this information form.

 From Carnell Colebrook-Claude (Apr 23, 17 11:50 pm)

Hi Gregory,

Thank you for sharing your story with me. Living a life to please everyone is difficult.

What confuses you about reality, consciousness, time, eternity, God?

 From Carnell Colebrook-Claude (Apr 23, 17 11:53 pm)

Please know that you are not a waste of time. You are valuable Just like everyone else in the world.

 From you (12:54 am)

Thanks for responding so quickly. I hope you and I can grow from these messages.

about reality... I wonder why this universe-thing exists. I wonder why pain exists and why it's better to avoid it... Why people hurt each other. i wonder what i will be after I die. I wonder what i should do with my life. I wonder what or who god is, what god does, if god is real.

My best friend, really my only real friend, is convinced that God is the Christian trinity. I believe everything he says and trust him completely. But I feel like i'll never be sure about anything, and I wonder if anyone can ever know anything for sure.

I confuse myself, more than anything. I feel like I am in control of only a tiny bit of myself.

I get distracted very easily. For about ten years, my primary goal has been to be healthy and eat healthily, supporting a sustainable beautiful world. But I kept falling back on the junk food culture around me. I am lucky to have been mostly healthy my whole life.

I get upset and overwhelmed often, thinking about the extreme suffering that millions go through every day. I wonder how I can make life better for the most people possible. Is it better to try to fix the roots of problems, help people be able to help them selves, make life better for future people. Or should I just try to fix people's immediate problems, like by giving them food or medical care or money or counseling or anything they want or need.

i like writing in general. i wish i would read more. i have started to read many books and stopped after a little bit. I still hope i will finish them. I think sometimes it would be good if i were an engineer or scientist.

Or I just watch TV, waste time, get online, eat whatever fast food and candy with my mom... and wait to die or wait for her to die, hoping my life will be better and easier when she does.

Sorry this is so much. I don't really expect you to help me figure anything out.

Thanks. - gregory

A Diary Post That I Should Not Have Published

i am listening to Bill Calahan on Spotify. Right now is "The Breeze/My Baby Cries".

I used to work at a public library in Austin, Texas.


I heard this^ song on "Youth", the movie starring Michael Caine. I put that movie on a lot in the days after I first watched it.

Last night I went to A's house in Bastrop.

I helped him make dinner. We ate with them. We watched Hey, Arnold. Then M went to another room and watched something. The rest of us watched Paterson, directed by Jim Jarmusch.

We talked about stuff.

A read something that Bill Z wrote about economics. It refers to Bernard Lonergan.

I brought up Star Trek, and said the words "practical reality" and "cruise the universe" and "help" and "solve" and "problems" and "we're doing pretty good."

Or that is close to what I said.

A said something about everyone living in one big park.

A read from a website about Paterson.

She said she hates reading. A talked about idiosyncratic pronunciations.

We all enjoyed Paterson a lot, I think.

I hugged A twice. She hugs affectionately.

A shower right after.

When I went to pee later, I smelled  damp .

Then I looked at my eyes in the mirror right after, then I went back to watch the rest of Paterson. I felt like myself, not right or wrong. I had regrets but I thought, why not. No harm, does not really matter. I have kept watching p. I have not m a photo in a few weeks I think.



Kurt Vile's "Pretty Pimpin'" is playing in my left ear right now.

It seems like a stupid song in most ways.

I like it mostly.

It is catchy. Like a dis ease.

Easy dis comfort.

Yesterday Mom bought pizza and she and I ate half each.

The internet exists even without people. Sunjectivity Objectivity.

I meant Subjectivity.

I watched the first four episodes of Fargo season 2 today.

In the last sentence, I mistyped Fardo then Farfo.

Farful.

I withdrew from my classes at ACC. I have check from them for 517 dollars.

I am registered for two classes that start on May 30th.


Yoga and physics.


I had plans to watch tonight and tomorrow, but I now have a plan to resist my habits and impulses and become a better person for Eternity.

The song playing now is "Song for Zula"


I would like and love and be eternally grateful to read full books, and write full and meaningful stories or poems or essays.

I would love to learn how to be excellent at anything.

I would love to be as healthy and responsible and respectful as I can be.


I just want to be slower and more thoughtful.

I want to be more coherent and thorough.


A and I talked for a few minutes yesterday.


I wanted to make more eye contact with her.

I'm going to take a break now.


,,,,,,,,


commas



I drank.

that's why i wanted to type this diary entry

there are other reasons

now i am listening to Farewell transmission by Songs: Ohia.


i kept looking at facebook to find meaning or reality. It seemed to just be distraction.

I just said goodnight to mom

I am lying on bed now

I thought of watching 

but i am doing this now

i am 80 percent tired

i don't really know if that means anything

i like songs: ohia a lot

70%

seventy percent

Posse Billy Tees

Cameras Microphones Computers Microchips Sattelites

Human Eyes



Okay, this is important now. This next part.

I was sweeping outside at about 5 pm.

Mom asked me to. I did it slowly and lazily.

I thought about being separate from my body.

My body does things, gets in positions, bumps into things, uses tools.

But my soul perceives.

My soul, My self

I feel my neurons, my skin, my muscles

I see the objects, the ground, the trees, my mom, the screens, the words and letters and numbers, the distance, my hands, dogs, house, clothes, water, drinks, food, furniture, appliances, my body's reflection

I really almost let myself watch a few seconds ago.

I imagine what I could watch again and what to type to find it.

Or

Se

Female

Children

Future

Hate

Regret

Ruin

In the car today, I thought of car crashes and bodily destruction and pain and I felt very bad and scared.

Mom and I were listening to The last train to Zona Verde. We have 2 discs left.

Myn:

I touch them too much.

I want to sleep now.

i want to write or type every day

so I can get better

everything

Now the song is ravens by mount eerie
he is very nice

a told me about him and a crow looked at me on our way to Sherwood forest with A on April 2nd, 2017. i had heard him before.


every thing

It's okay

i guess.

I was uncomfortable when M was being crazy yesterday. He pretended to shoot a gun. I thought of A being ashamed of her parenting..

Everything has been mostly good.

I want to do something to help people.

I want to buy good food, vegetables.

I want to be organised

my whole life

I want to go to the last 12 classes i have this semester, even though I withdrew


I can talk to brandon thornton, professor of economics.

acne matters.

Fat, skin, blood, plants


cream


frogs


grass


star


fire


rock


stone


brick


asphalt


concrete


dirt


birds


squirrels


people


hair


pores


eyes


water


air


space


time


voice


song


music


life


eternity


heaven


sleep


dark


light


words


thought


instinct


memory


expectation


knowledge

judgement

Sharon Van Etten - I Don't Want to Let You Down

Zeke and isabel (red wine)

A boy with no ears gave a girl a hard handshake. She opened her mouth all the way and showed him her back teeth. She stuck out her tongue as far as she could. He felt joy and tried not to smile, shutting his lips tight.

She said, "Hi, you're a boy, right? I know you are, but I don't care, unless you got something good to say... Right now. At my face right now!"

He said, "Hi, my name's Zeke."

"I know," she said.

"Me too. What's your name?"

"Isabel. I made that up just now, but now it's true, because I made it true.... just now."

"I don't know what you are doing here," said Zeke. His eyebrows were furrowed and he had no idea. Isabel investigated his face carefully and poked a lock of his hair over his left temple.

Isabel wore a blue dress with a cloud print. She did a front flip over Zeke. They stood back to back in front of Mina Elementary School. They were brunettes. They were 6 or 7.

Isabel suddenly realised Zeke had no ears, and she wondered how he had heard her.

19 years later, they lie on a double bed in a small bedroom with no window, lit by a small yellow lamp bulb. They lie on their backs, side by side, in opposite directions, heads by each other's knees. They are both 5 foot 5. They wear the same  clothes as in the last scene. Zeke wears a light brown T-shirt and dark brown shorts. They stare up at the camera deeply, listening to "Shore" by Balmorhea.

Aaron calls Greg, and Greg cries about Life.
Aaron says something sad and frustrating about Andee, and Greg is sad and frustrated and wants to cry but can't.

But Greg knew Aaron and Andee would do awesome things and the people will be good, because Aaron and Andee are the best!

Greg had some good plans and he will do some good stuff and be amazing friends with people, because it is wonderful to be alive!

They drank coffee, ate salad and protein and fat, and taught children how to be healthy and happy.

Let Now I drow sowm piches

= me (greg)

= ma (bar

I'm listening to They Might Be Giants

here =

There's probly 4.

= dance hall

= street sidewalk.

= office with plant, desk, and refrigerator.


here's more.

Phone Power sounds good.

= tree

= front yard

V V = vampire teeth

= iceland

= refrigerated donut disc cake

= conveyor belt of good sunrises and honest child-smiles about good vegetables.

Reusing Compost, Got new eyes

---- Takes everything off the walls and smashes them together into a robot friend who remembers everything and lasts forever.