The End of Nothing

Naught

Kissing Barns

 Everyone has teeth and we're waiting for you.

It's not what you do, it's what you seem to do.

Paper in the shape of a leaf?

Autumn's fallen leaves are but a Winter's breath away.
After all, we are naught save whispers of the wind.

Consequence Nap

The ocean breaks and I'm stuck in a rushing flood. I swim and the water rises feet per second. I swim towards tall buildings halfway submerged. I worry that I'll get bitten by a shark. I am holding a garden hose that is blasting cold water; it never ends. I think I should let it go and wonder if it is wasting water. I see a giraffe struggling to keep it's head above water. I go inside a building and somehow get a baby. I hold it above the water, supporting its head. I think it is thirsty so I dip its mouth into the water, but it spits it up. There is a woman who asks a guy at an abandoned restaurant for food. He says it's $100 a plate. She is angry. I think they used to date. She grabs some cheese and vegetables in her fist and eats. The guy laughs and says he was joking; it's $10. I think that money is meaningless now, but if there are still people why would it be? We have no money. We need food for the baby. There is foamy spit on its mouth. The woman eats the rest of the food on the plate.

Photonic Gallups

These are doors and this is in.

My admiration is dying.
My legs are totally warping upside down behind my back.
I think my bones are trying to escape.

I'm watching the Chris Gethard show again... It's wonderful... I feel so light. Also sunken.

So so so so weird. And so-so mediocre, like I care so little, so everything is the best...

It must be 2006, I must have six dix. I must be slitting spitting splitting. Sitting, 9 bits. Tim bits

ITS ALL REAL, ITS SO REAL, ITS ALL COMING BACK

CHILDISH CHILDREN WAXING WANING AGING FLIPPING FLOPPING

FADIIIIIING MEMMMMMORRRIIIIESSSS.......

bye bye bye

Makeup Gorilla

A hug that lasts until the end.

In a Heart to Fool.

In her schizophrenic rambling.

Choosy heated choices, drying out, shriveling up.

Eyes rolling back, pain releasing irritating bliss.

Come down, 3 hours. Well it has been.

Concentrate. Populate. Carry a bundle of sustaining fuel.

Soccer Feud. Hacky Pond. Cruel Science.

Arsonal. Paragoda.

Trembles. Shaky stabby wind, 50 plus feet, death fall.

Correction. Absolution. Arguable tide. Selling. Everything stings, inside breaking crust.

Sore Dove, Kind Dove

I am

resisting

, dancing to Books

I am channeling. Procreating.

Progressive positive creation.

Transformation. Calories are burned when eaten by my cells to maintain my body temperature to keep me alive, countless chemical reactions, exerting energy. The sun cooks life and I eat it and it comes back out of me and I help new life grow, microscopically or by moving my body and moving materials. The biological is self-sufficient. The intellectual is fed by the sociological and historical. My body could survive, but without other people and constant effort I have no life.

I need to read.

Recreation. Distended spinal cord. Spinal curve.

Bubbly after birth, dusty coffee beans, crying tom boy, seeping flesh wound, cantankerous grandmother.

It hurts. Not that bad. Ain't so bad... Stupid exercise and driving a car and riding a bike and walking on feet and sitting up straight at a computer and blinking in the sun and looking at the ground and semi-consciously cracking my knuckles and my neck.

And talking and talking and talking and listening and thinking and dreaming.

Why yes why yes why yes.

Complete and rightful and accepted.

This is dangerous. I am jacked super high on espresso. Latte. I keep thinking of a porn video called Unbelievable throatfuck. The girl in it is really pretty... but I'd rather die than let myself degrade humanity for all eternity by watching it again... I almost did though. I turned on tim's computer and typed it in, then I thanked the internet for not connecting. It saved me. I plugged in my laptop intending to watch it, but I opened the blinds on my window and looked at a national geographic photo on my wall of a rural Chinese mother holding her daughter and it made me happy and I sort of laughed and walked out of the room, thankful again.

I am watching Polaris Friend Zone. One of the guests made me smile with his words, but now I am going to turn it off and listen to more Zammuto...

Last night... I listened to the Books and searched them online. I found out about Zammuto and watched a short documentary called Shape of Things to Come. I super duper enjoyed it. I listened to them on Spotify. I had seen the album cover because Anthony Fantano reviewed the album. I love it. Love it.

I laid on my bed listening rather closely, relaxing deeply...I felt quite tired when I got up. Pat and I watched Breaking Bad, robbing a train. 

I need to shit and shower... Of course. Need to know.

I was telling myself that I have to watch that porn video to get over it, to overcome... that felt wrong, so I thought I should think of what I want or what I feel rather than just tell myself what I need to do. Yesterday, I thought of telling Pat that I can't do anything I want to do. It is all wrong. In the car... FRUSTRATING VACATION PLANS ASKING OFF FROM WORK. I was so goddamn tense... I wanted to tell Pat that It seems everything he thinks is wrong yet he wants to tell me what to do.

Listening to the Books again. It rained a lot last night. I pulled my blinds up to watch the weather. I stood on the balcony for a bit and thought that it was such a good idea. I really don't want to ask for days off, but I will. I'll do it for Pat and Mom, we talked about it after we ate at Cherry Creek Catfish Co. I didn;t know what to say, I said I didn't really want to go. Everything was fried, Pat said. 

I sent Aaron a text around 830 and got no response. Thinking about Paramount summer classic movies, Charlie Chaplin...

Do it to better the entirety.

Is it real... What can be not real? Everything is atoms or dark matter, or potentiality or God.

They say, you think too much, that's because there's work that you don't wanna do. The last thing I listened to yesterday was Work by Lou Reed and John Cale.

I want to get ready for work.

I watched youtoobs this morning. I read a few sentences each of Toward Self Meaning and Improving Moral Decision Making. Aaron told me he got a book that Christmas. He said the title would be funny. I guessed that it was "Stop Wasting Your Life, You Stupid Idiot!" 

Hm, Good bye then

Present Pulls Me Through

Pretending assemble. Seven and a waste of west. Soggy land, juicy fruits, moldy vegetables, slimy human pieces, an embryo's face, seven digitally processed genes, piecemeal toes and fingers floating in drains, plugs, tubes... is it what it is?

Slippery humble atoms, Nathaniel and God and Jesus, a personal extra-personal relationship, exit personality, a real reality.

Where are the Books? Please say something.

Please make a conscious decision. Please argue in defense of the growing green lush potential plant arrangement. Hybridization. Collect striped hyena samples and burnt flaky acre garbage stiff stash aging lava scroll best beast potato mash thirty foot eyelash Shere Khan's flaming vulture branch tail.....

I grew up. My past is old. This time is going is gone. There is nothing to hold on to.

Dream

Last night I was listening to Doug loves movies and I decided to drive to the liquor store at about 9 pm to buy Bailey's, because I wanted to drink some. I had thought about getting ice cream or a root beer float. It was Sunday and the liquor stores were closed. I went to two. I had fun driving around with the windows down and listening to a public radio world music program.

I need to poop. I am sitting on the living room floor by the TV. I guess Tim put my laptop here to connect the new modem. Pat is sleeping or awake in his room, or he is not here and his door is shut. I am listening to Girl from NYC (Named Julia).

I kept going back to sleep this morning. I ate a slice of bread with peanut butter. It tasted good. I drank coffee and watched Coffeh Time and Apprentice Eh on my laptop. I didn't turn on the TV. I drove to work. It went well. At lunch I bought 5 peanut butter chocolate granola protein bars and ate two on a bench outside while reading The Fallback Plan. It's almost 4 pm now.

I had intense dreams of working at a different Sprouts and trying to find a place to poop and being outside on a break and some jerk boys started shooting a gun at people and I hid under a car and I pushed it at them to try to stop them, but it became very small and they shot at me over it and a bullet went thru some plastic board I had on my back. They killed a young woman, I think a Sprouts employee, and it was very sad. I hated those boys.

We played Magic at Pat's Games yesterday. I had just gotten an email from Aaron about amusements/games and Aristotle, using leisure time in the best way possible. I didn't read it. I don't feel good about myself or much of anything. We ate popeyes chicken. I spilled gravy. We drafted for a couple of hours. Pat took a nap and woke up about 1030 and I went to bed and watched porn for a while and came into my dark blue basketball shorts. Messy and ugly and stupid and hateful.

This morning I thoughts of beds and put something on my blogger since I got a comment from a girl saying she was following me. It feels like I am writing for her now... I should post this and see if she says anything... I definitely will.

I like to think of how much of this she probably won't understand. I barely understand any of it.

Doesn't even know who you are.

I am quite glad to be doing this. I miss introspection and wanting to be better.

I met a man named William at the library. The second time he came in this morning, he extended his hand for me to shake. I told him my name. He is black but that doesn't matter, I just want it to be known. He seems cool. He was waiting for an inter library loan.

I helped a guy who seems middle eastern print something. It took many tries and it felt so good to get it right, he was nice and appreciative and paid for every page that failed.

Anthing else is.

Here:

(Deerhoof busted voice)

I wanna blow up the fucking bomb.
Yes is I go with you Happy town.
Kill daddy dead you blind man
....
by by

Four Beds of Self-Serving Fortune

Arms, Blankets, Hot Shower, and Clothes

Fifth Bed
Sunlight

Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't want to.
I am lost inside my eyeballs. Where are my hands? What are they going to do?

I save a bird from drowning. He looks into my bowels.
He says, quote, I want to eat... all that I see, end quote.

I wish we were what we were when we had all night.
So far, everything I've done seems like the best idea.

Closed for raising the dead.
Come back please between 9 and 6.