I was preparing for a zombie apocalypse. I had an ax, but it was too heavy. I looked for a pickax. I found a long double sided limb cutter I guess. It was big but light. I swung it around and imagined I could kill zombies with it. It looked sharp. I was at a store looking for something. Vince from vitamins was there.

I am a little disappointed that I watcht porn and masturbated last night, for the first time in maybe two weeks. I am not as ashamed as I thought I would be. I thought I would be too ashamed to do it again, but I guess I've just been wasting every moment of every day, so I didn't see it as a step down or backward.

I feel distant from Aaron. I want to see him and talk with him, so that I can care more about being a better person. I have been extremely lazy. I need to get groceries, but I have put it off for three days or something. In the morning I think I'll get them at work, then at work I think I'll get them later.

I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens, Greetings from Michigan, in reverse song order starting with "Oh, God, Where Are You Now".

I thought about masturbating again a few minutes ago, touching my nipples while watching Coffeh Time. I'm really sick sometimes. I made some strong espresso, about two cups of it I guess. It's coursing through my veins.

It's beautiful music. Beautiful spirit. Jake invited me to see Boyfrendz last night. I forgot until I had passed the exit and I didn't want to go. Work is pretty dumb. Wasting almost 9 hours. Well. Money is useful I'm sure. "Money can't buy happiness... It IS happiness." - Jacky D. Oh. I did watch that last night.

Sweet boy voice... Spices... Mother... I want to find where I wrote about what Spring and Summer mean for my life.

I need to look thru my entire note spiral I guess. BASTROP STATE PARK, YOUNG BITCH, gentle love everlasting.

It's after noon. I am a question mark, body, mind... "release" Blackalicious, Saul Williams, Other guy asaain

The west coast of America.

Bill Bailey Bill Callahan Fistful Of Bills Don Cheney George Jacobs DJ Harris.

George Elliot WAS a woman. Wonder, to, too, all ways. Be a whey, weigh, down, hairb, alls. Hasboro, Haribo, Bear, Cutting, Cutey.

Lactose. Scholarly purist

Qweent ladle I-Land vill age.






Anne         .....        ost  .......     ..........   mostghosthostloastboastcoast

Just because I'm the opposite, doesn't mean that you're the truth

Just because you're not the truth, doesn't mean that you're a liar

When we go outside, we go outside for the fourth time

When we go outside, the outside speaks to us so deeply

We awake from our wakefulness, then we get sleepy

I dreamed that Pat bought me two boxes of cracklin' oat bran and they were stacked up on the shelf.

Kit, Pat, Tim and I journey through a city. We crawl along the top a fence under several overpasses. The daytime sky is completely blocked and it's dim. The land is undeveloped and covered with green plants. I see some sketchy men walking around, and I try to act like I am supposed to be there and try not to acknowledge them. We are escaping something/someone. We sneak into a large house. I think it's night. We are in the innards of the house. I hide behind some master bathroom closet wall panels, my brothers behind me. A man gets out of bed and comes into the bathroom turning on the light. I can see clearly through cracks and I am scared of being caught. The man comes right up to the wall. I try not to make any noise. Somehow I am on the other side of the wall and seen by the man. We stand still looking at each other and I try to think of what to say.
Kit and I are in the attic and we take a rope down a chute directly to the basement. We try to find a way out of the house or at least the basement. We find a way into the kitchen. It's a very old house. It's like a kitchen with a staff cook and cook's quarters. We help Tim get through a passage... It's gone from my mind.

OH DREAM

HENTAI FACEFUCK! Never ending... Oh, I have to go. I have to let it go.

I have been typing.


I listen to Life without Buildings. Should "without" be capitalized?


I had STRAANGE email exchange with Aaron. Or maybe it was average, but I feel so strange... to myself.


I am compulsively triple spacing this BIYATCH!

utt sloww
Also taking my clothes off. I need AIR I NEED SPACE I NEED LIFE I NEED TO LIVE! _{: Goash dorn I am so happpy, my beard come back, slow b - i accidently put the rest of this part at the beginnning of this paragraph.....

Everything has to be correct.


Her voice and style and words are wonderfull.


"Holding you is like the new past...."


Just  so  Perfect

Like  slam  poetry


Not even like lotus leaves.



I ate  two  toaster strudels and drank coffee


Insane.      



A girl at work made an announcement that had a rhythm to it. Reminded me of Iambic Pentameter. How people naturally talk in a pattern... it makes things easier.


Bye, I have to shower, maybe. I want to shower and eat... I'll eat eggs...


Bye

I get up early on my days off. Because of obligations, but I still like it.

You stick to me, like I am made of something sticky.

If I were made of glue, I would never come close to you.

I had such weird dreams that I feel like I didn't sleep in my bed last night.

I forgot where I was not, but I know where I was.

Molten Light is stuck so deeply in my head.


I have ASMR video on, Olivia's Kissper, hair sounds.

I am going to see if Jubilee has a new video and watch it.

I am only wearing underwear. I shaved my face, but I already typed that on this blog. I watched at least 5 episodes of 30 Rock today/tonight. I thought as I was watching, I am addicted to this. It's so difficult to face reality, I need this constant distraction, familiarity, sarcasm, silliness... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my body, sleepy.

I was thinking a lot.... I almost saw Aaron after I saw the dentist.... I got sweaty. I drove with the windows down. I listened to the Flaming Lips, trying to find the title of Pilot Can at the Queer of God... It's lovely.

I had a strange complex time at Fisherman's Park, for almost two hours. I saw a woman, who looked like she had just left work. all in black. I saw a fishing man wearing a black cast on one of his legs.


Bridgett Came over to work out with Pat. We watched the first twenty or so minutes of O Brother. And the first part of The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec... It's a weird one. Not really good weird.

I     Love      You

Good          Bye

Milky guns

Oh my God. I just listened to Kevin McDonald talk for 15 minutes and I thought he was Mark McKinney. I thought wow his voice is weird and high and fast... I am a little disappointed, but I like Kevin, and I like this interview. This will change my thoughts of the Kids, especially Kevin. I want to watch/listen to Mark now, because he's my favorite. I guess because I want to be him, because he is handsome and funny.

Canana... Nada. It's like a misty illusion. Like Heaven. Like Mom's attic. Mysteries.

GOD,

Stacy called a few minutes before I needed to leave for our appointment. She has car trouble. She is very nice.

There is nothing today. I thought I would see Pat yesterday. I like it more this way. I watch too much 30 Rock I'm sure. I love it a lot. It stopped making me laugh, and now it makes me really happy.

You - Gold Panda

Ambient. A girl called Candice and I could talk. A man named Cornelius and I made a connection. Things became real.

Well, I just saw Stacy anyway. She called about 15 minutes before our appt. I got there just in time.

It was semi-useful to talk to her... I felt a little rushed and in-genuine. I wasn't always sure what I was saying. I fell into an old pattern of speech.

I am so afraid of wasting time time now now. Repeating the dumb past.

I have to do something to change things. Change myself. I shaved my face...

I am listening to Jorge Regula... SOmething slowly sweetly beautiful incomprehensible.

True laughter. Lilting voice. Unstoppable smile. Where is she? What the heck am I doing? Why am I sitting like this? Why am I typing this?

I should eat some eggs I think I want to see Mom real bad. I thought of going to Bastrop, familiar, safe... unchallenging, masturbation, self-pity, filth, laziness to the extreme... FUNK!

Pixies! Oh lordy, I am who I was, I shall be who I shall be. Music, talking. I miss Chad. I feel obligated to Ashley. We need to turn our past time together into something useful that helps us to become who we really are.

Single Frame, SO DAMN ALONE! I am NOT INSANE. I should call Mom. I know I am desperate.

I am twenty four and almost another half a year... I need to have something real and solid when I am 25. That is the official cutoff for adults.

I have to figure things out. I hate ads so much. I mute them on Spotify.

Have to try so hard. Have to care so hard. Not about anything, but about the things I actually care about, which I won't automatically know.

There is everything left to try. Stupid words. I have been careless far too long.

All these songs are about time. We cannot comprehend it...

It's more important to think of it as life that must be lived. Live has a specific definition. Living is very different for every person.

Jesus was born again yesterday. I know how he was resurrected. SImple Math Solution really. I write it on the stone wall... All the kind white people wearing scarves and boots walk by it and glance at it, ewait, double takje... Buh, boo, I seen it all... Dun, For Now, We can kill off that species...

How do I make this?

Can we even understand?

I am not myself. I want pizza and ice cream. I want to orgasm and ejaculate so that my genitals fly off and I never see or feel them again.

I want to bite the ground. I want to be so sure that it makes me cry from purity of thought.

Empty. I used to be even better. I am beginning to believe in truth.

So Jesus God Farming Painfull P A N E F U L L Pee ee why ay why en eff ell ell ... Bust. Boom. I have to say. I have to cry... I am a lone god. I wish I were flying in the sky above the magnificent calm infinite Earth.......

Not a choice. I am being myself, mom. Be me too. I want this easineessssss

My hands are my life

I have to choose

choose life

you said it first

are you flirting with me

you want to eat a cheesy hamburger

actions take words

actions take an initiator

Where did it all come from

what is all of this

what is anything

question

i felt so strange

this is me

I have a name

I am in this body, in this time and space... whatever that means to whatever is not in time and space

Just        wow


OK

moving on

Some thots before sleep during ASMR by pigsbum53. I listened to a man sing a song on youtube. His name is Thomas Baxter. Winter in Canada. I left him a comment. There must be even lonelier people than me. There must be many people just like me, who record their thots somehow like this. And people who have made even more digital files... Where is this blog actually stored. There must be a physical space wherefrom I access these years of words. Hmmmmmmm, phisics.. Meaning, Self... Moving, electric, person, growing, learning, becoming, demanding.

Anything. I feel surges across my skin, nervousness, excitement, relaxation, resolve, humanity, conscience, ... I want to be more personal. I want to be more myself. I want to have more control... I tell Stacy that all the time. I really cannot let myself do stupid things anymore. I will own my mistakes and fix them, fix the causes... Goddamn Cornelius, we had a nice talk, he said he'll really miss me, because I am a genuine guy. I worked up the courage to thank him and talk a bit... God... I thought about why it makes me want to cry... I asked myself what the problem is. I want to know why I am afraid. I want to know why we act this way. I want to know why these things seem natural. I saw a woman and walked into the backroom at Sprouts. I felt that life was a video game. I was just too detached. This supermarket was just as ridiculous as a video game. All these orders and obstacles... Just so unquestioned... It's insane. It's a deep rut in history. I really need to go to the farms with Aaron. I just want to talk with him again. I still have to slow down. Meditation, relaxation. Reflection. Judgement. Decision. Action. I can behave how I believe. I will, will, Human Will.

God is an animal. Blood is new food. I am a gobbler of new technology. I am wishbone activist. I am scolding Teapioca Residential Manager... Waste is deep hole. Waste is a lost world. Waste is my biggest fear. Time is my most persistent antagonist. I struggle to conclude. I beat on the inner walls. Permanent. Loss. Complete defeat, scorching regret. I am positive I am ion. Hubris... Why I am I a weird word?

Correct, Simple, Turbulent, Night. After Effect, Slow Reel, Movie Excellence. Where is it gone? Why don't I...................................................................................................................................................................................................................... just can't just think. Rotten Core. I stared at Vines Today. I wondered. Jesus And Mary Chain and Dean and Foooood? Many dumb angles... Many repeated results of a failed experiment.........

Lost, lone. Woods. Perfect village wanderer. Capitalism. Parade, magazine, trash, litter, puppies, career, union job, trash cans, dumpsters, land fills, vegetable gardens, human sphincters and shit, sewers, toxic lake, human vomit, man hole, utopia. Umbilical, sever, gross, grow up, adult, develop, human Being, acknowledgment. Hula hoop, pubic bone, holly Krishna, magical specter, divine Being.

Cross imagine... Criss cross, Human Belonging... Linger... Growth Bravery surprise success. Tennis class. Human connection, human condition, Human understanding, Human discovery of human purpose, universal actuality, sunrise, new day, superhero, hurry, understand, fall away the bad habits, need the wonder, impassable beauty, uncompromising way of living in tune with the unforeseeable future, Good Is Good, what is this, where will it go, what do I do, what is good. Efficient and beneficial. Improving. Solid, steady, safe. Appreciative. Grateful. Loving. Caring. Honest. Having. Owning. Sharing. Reasonable. Kind. Motivated. Kids. Kissing. Attraction. Power. Supine. Science. Life long, lasting, open, intense, infinite, school, Process. Grind up the meat. Put it in a tube. Leaving, leaving, human, father, owner, purest protecter. Obvious, alone, surreal, above, out there, ever present, consistent. Up bouncing. Cool retard recess. Best Person to do work on this subject, a surface, a table, a lamp, a lantern, a heat energy light chemistry. I have eyes. Person seeing. Person inside. A right way. An untraveled route. Bastrop Intermediate School Athletic Field trees old neglected wooden shack, Arriving at the instant forever, sign /O, SLAP! FUSION     never the same, flowing flowing flow

The Policies of Edwin Fernuckle, LLC

a Charming Novella for the Ever-Expanding Youthful Mind

Edwin Fernuckle is born on any ordinary Monday.

Youtoob Drewawm

I find the appreantice eh crew filming an episode of table top, then I find out one their good friends died, and Corey and Sakia get a call at the sametime and start crying. His name is Andrew and he looks like Geoffrey from game of thrones. The rest of them start guessing what happened and Corey can't say, one guesses the Andrew died. I ask Corey if he wants me to tell them. He nods a little, so I say He did die.

April 18, 2014

I woke up before 7 am. Domino was buggin me. I watched two Good Mythical Mornings and Mores. I ate three scrambled eggs and vanilla granola, milk and coffee. I sang in the shower. I drove to work. No traffic. I got there 30 minutes early, sat in my car, and read some Towards Self Meaning. I had to poop, so I went in and did. I greeted Joe and Jake and Brian. I double checked my schedule. I had been worried that I was mistaken. I wasn't scheduled until 2:30, so I left. It was fun and weird to be there when I would usually be sleeping. I thought I would visit Ashley until work, but I forgot it was Friday and she was working. I texted her, then corrected myself later. I texted Mom just to let her know my mistake, and that I felt good about getting out early and it's better to live in rhythm with the day.

I drove to Wild Basin Preserve. I walked down the trail slowly, trying to look closely at the far away trees. I took some dumb pictures of myself. I sat on a bench at the vista and tried to read some Self Meaning. People came along. An old man and young girl talking loudly about camping. I was excited about interacting. I liked the girl's face. I looked at them and said Hello, the man said Howdy. An old Asian couple walked up from the other direction, I said Hello he said Hi. A group of kids with a few adults came along. I left to go to lunch at Pappadeux's with Kit, Lorena, Mom, and Jan. I said Hello to everyone I passed. I worried about the kids' education. One was playing the harmonica. I liked him. I heard someone say Is there a way to frack  for oil without doing any harm? Something like that, and I felt better that conscious caring adults were with the kids. I said Good day to the last couple I passed. They said Hi in unison, and the woman sounded weird {:

I drove for way too long. I forgot where 290 is. I got frustrated. Lunch was tense. It was good to see everyone. I did not enter into conversation. I was in a bad spot by the kitchen. It seemed loud to me. I imagined Kit seeing me and thinking I am autistic because I was uncomfortable with all the activity and socializing. The food was OK. We went to Furniture Row. Kit pointed out Emerald Tavern, a gaming cafe. Mom and talked about how familiar we are with Furniture Row and we like it. It's quiet. I walked around, thinking that Kit might be thinking I am wasting my life or I'm just waiting for my shift. I knew I was wasting my life. I could have tried to talk to them or left and read Towards Self Meaning. I got a quarter from Mom and got some Reese's Pieces. I sat in Jan's chair. I hugged her and Mom. I worked.

I saw ASMRrequests... I was so nervous my head almost exploded. I saw her son. They were both cute and got along with my new coworker, Cornelius. Her son was chasing Cornelius, and I felt like the world was perfect.

I'm listening to Daniel Johnston. He can be so sad and so sweet and simple and brilliant all at once. Haha, I remember Jad Fair's voice now...

Am I gonna change? Life is going to change. I am going to sleep. I gotta pee. I will not dwell. I will myself to excel.

I wrote, Be yourself, on the sign in sheet at Wild Basin.

Suzanne to Michele (Like I Was Young)

I like it when, my hands are messy
I like it when, my lips are never dry

I like to poop, and fill up the toilet
Gee I want, your insides inside of mine

I like it when, I am never singing
I like it when, you never say goodbye

I have, everybody's number
We're all best friends, No you may not have mine

I love you when I find you when you're lost
I make life better, because I have nothing

I ask you why, when you're building a spaceship
You say I'll die, if I ever quit

Rice and beans are a healthy alternative
to actual food, just ask my old guy

Slapping happy drunks is great exercise
But you probably won't, because you're overweight

Vernal Moon is double vision at night
Scrap your yard and get over it on a plane in sight

Local flair stops the great injustice
Silly pair of new babies and sweet loafs

Time Test

1. 10 seconds
I got 9.904 seconds

2. 30 seconds
I got 27.512

3. 1 minute
I got 1:15.891
wups

4. 5 minutes... Eech
3:58.821

I won't do this anymore... Pretty bigwaste.

All my first tries, no counting.

I'll take you and make you myself.

I gotta believe I can make it by myself.

I must remember that this is life and I am alive right now and every moment matters... Then I'll do something that I and everyone care about.

I hate porn. I hate poooorrrrrnnnn. I hate poooooorrrn!

I live in the comic book stooooooorrrrreee!!!

Cyou're my diabeteeeeeees

I troubled past and new years prostotulution.

Sooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwah, a dog shoots your face and you say I'm getting into poolitics.

I'm a dood. You're a GoBot. I play ratchet ball. You work too hard to hurdle a burly boy at the races in Greenwich.

Is it possible to overcome this diet? Am I a full human? Am I able to search deeply enough and bring up

Wheer's Peabuddy? Wheer's Buddy? Wheer's PeaBODY? Oh Emerson, you're so cute, I wanna dance on your grave. Youre like a hampster in a cage, never living, never a part of yourself.

Weer gonna live so well, you won't believe you survived the last decade and a half.

I wanna slap you like a baby. I wanna regain our homeland safety.

I'm not cured. I'm not even bacon. I have to take a huge shit, Clementine -Sarah, mercy.


The sky of the yard is alive with fly fly buggs... Doug, die, kill, maybe, baby, sorry, completely, sun brother.

Eyes and Bowels ...  Chairs are made to be indifferent.

I strongly overcome the cake. I overpower all my senses. I sense beyond my senses. I am at peace with my desire to understand what cannot be sensed.

Trilogy of Otters. Persistently Perforated Space

Taper .... Trail .... Dissipate

Red River

Only thinking occurs

The powerful, the dead, the naked (the wanting)

You are poor. You don't owe me anything.

Go ahead, when you're ready, step aboard.

Go ahead, if you love me, step aboard

Montgomery Clift is attractive. Dunson is a psychopathic murderer.

themes of empathy and constructive wise caring. Sacrifice of lives for more lives and a better way of life. Sacrifice of pride and control for respect and equality. 

I never like seein strangers. No stranger ever good news'd me. 

I love Groot. How strong is Miss Malay? Shooting at Dunson and Matt was ballsy, or clitorisy.

Difficult things made less difficult.

She said "talk" ten times in less than a minute when she found Matt in the fog. The mist on their faces was beautiful.

At The End, I raise my my arms above my head and think, I am God.

Unguided Meditation

How not to care

Be tired from food water and body.

LOUGOW - - Danielson ... Alex Ramirez ... Some one else ... R UR EYES

So Anything

I am

I try

No, I lie

Creep

Weirdo

Young Girl, young girl in love ... I never said ... I never say anything ... I can't hide this from him.

You'll see it. Don't be it ... Do your dreams

White Girl, Cannot Heavy Me Asleep Wandering Energy Transfer Blockage Host Parse Low Flow Lost Little Elves

Partially Particular about his TV and his TV dinner, sad sack sad sag sad gut sad scrotum butt

If a dick had an asshole, she said.

I am mad. I don't believe what's true. I am this. I am he. Gregory. I marry her. Sorry in Canada, Murder and Functional Specialization, prairies, poppies, sunnies, milkshakes, poutines, happy goats, organized trash, recycled lives, habitual good fortune, Asian Food Restaurant, Bamboo Straw Mats, Girl with Dark Hair and a Singing Voice, A TV turned off, Just answered all our own questions ....

PS - Why don't we have a garden yet?

Peeps, try harder, you know you want to.

Please. I love you. Full

Good Enough

Behind the bathrooms I saw you crying
You're visitors pass won't save you from dying

Every second I choose to wait
Is another bear claw in your brain

Superficially supersede selfish dreams
Seen a lot of shit or so it seems

Beautiful things and and tidy people wait in a row
Today never ends until tomorrow

God will live. Part of us is gone.
Just remember that nothing is ever forgotten

Please ask me questions I've already answered.
Please piecefully rationalize the infinitely absurd

Quotes from the half-clean bathroom wall
Teach us that one can never represent all

I ate a doughnut stuffed bagel for every meal
I wish you were a beggar too proud to steal.

Some summers leave more sun inside.
It's better to fall in love than be a bride.

My hands are stiff around your cold neck.
Growing up is harder than I could ever expect.

Sweet scents lead me into subtle sin.
Maybe you are the path where I begin.

Dude walks into bar. Asks the Bar T, Where can I get a gin rummy in this town? Bar T says "You're already here, Stupid!" Dude starts crying and runs away! Bar T turns to the other bar attenders and says,"What? His name is "Stupid"

The Rest

God wants me inside of him.

I wish I were you. When I go outside, I feel the big blue sky is you and I.

Where is Pat?

I have always known who I am. I know my name and my past. I know what I will do with the rest of me.

Indoors... life is left behind us, the rest is left ahead. We are sweetly swept through the doorway.

God, please correct me if I'm wrong.

This Life

I guess I have to say that I got it all figured out.
Or else what the hell am I gonna do right now?

This life is another way to say,
We have to fight for it every every day.

Thad

SHEDDED

Busted Boone pipes.

He leaves.

Kick him to death. He is unnamed.
He must be trusted. He must be wanted. He must be estranged.

God damn time. He should know. We should have a meeting. We need a new way to go.

Here to there should not be now and then. When should be now. Now should be always.

Hungry. Dragging, smeared, biological colors and textures.

Thad Thack struts into Dillard's wearing faded, ripped jeans, a leather studded vest, and dark sunglasses. He holds a medium Coke in a red cup with a lid and straw. He slides his sunglasses to the tip of his nose with one finger, takes a sip of Coke, and slyly peers over at the women's underwear section.

He hops on his hog and drives up the highway at sunset. He's got a girl on his brain. He swerves to try to squash a squirrel but misses. He drives by a large old tree and thinks of a picnic he had with his mother ten years ago, before she died, but he quickly stifles the memory by thinking of the drive-in diner where he wants to wolf a cheeseburger, french fries with ketchup, and a vanilla milkshake. Gangs of teens swarm on the diner to chill as night falls. Thad pops his collars and judges every one of them to be brainless and gutless. He is about to chuck his trash onto the ground and go, when he sees Stacy roll by, being driven home by her straight-laced father. Thad knows she will slip out on her bike to hit the town in less than an hour. He drops his garbage on the black asphalt and peels outta that business. The remains of the burger bleed ketchup, and a fourth of the milkshake dribbles into the cracks.

He tears down the road to the river, where the blackness envelopes lone travelers. He feels like sighing (he doesn't know why), but he burps sharply instead then thrusts wet air out of a nostril, pressing the other closed with a gloved knuckle. At the farthest picnic area by the river, there's a bonfire and twelve motorcycles scattered at the edge of the wide glow. Thad Thack nestles his ride at the end of the driveway, and as he is illuminated, he's met by whoops and shouts and slaps on the head, back, and shoulders. A reclined leather-clad young man with shaggy blonde hair throws him a six-pack of warm beer cans. Thad rips one and drops the rest. He pours the fizzing pale brew into his mouth, crunches the can in his hand, and throws it into the trees. He lays on the ground, puts his hands behind his head, and stares at the smoky stars.
He zones out and his eyes begin to water... He jumps up suddenly, raises his eyes and arms straight up, spreads his fingers to the limit, and yells something profane and thoughtless. Everyone is silent. The gathering fades. Thad drinks two more beers, and one is poured onto the hissing fire.

Thad catapults himself back into town. It's not late at all. At the park he idles and spies Betsy buying two ice cream cones. He follows her on foot, keeping far away. She gives a cone to Stacy, who is sitting by the pond and laughing with Derick. Thad hides behind a bush and peeps. Derick puts a hand on Stacy's lower back, and flames erupt in Thad's eyeballs. He breathes heavily, uncrouches, prepares to charge into unknown conflict, but before he moves off his spot, the world turns upside down, and he hurls his dinner onto the clean grass. The sound attracts everybody's attention. Chuckles fill the park. Thad lies fetally and sideways glimpses Derick take Stacy's hand and lead her away.

Thad rides to the bus station, skids to a stop, and drops his bike. He cranes his necks and scans the street as far as it goes both ways. He rests on the bench for a long time, his head in his hands, taunted by wordless thoughts and indecision. He sleeps on his back. Nothing happens. The blue yellow warm day wakes him. He gets up, cracks all his bones, and starts walking. The crotch of his jeans are damp, and there's dried vomit on his vest. He happens upon his mother's dusty graveyard. He stops and squints at graves behind a chain link fence. He wants another girl. He needs to eat.

Thad Thack steps into Grossman's Pharmacy and spends 2.50 on a chocolate bar and Pepto Bismol.
His feet ache. He wanders into the park, sits, and watches ducks. He never changes. He sighs forcefully and loudly. No one else is there. Sunlight beats on his flesh. He whips out his wallet on a chain. He counts his crisp ones. He has fourteen. He skips toward the highway tossing his bills like confetti. He has totally forgotten about his motorcycle. He bought it used a week ago with money he stole from his aunt two towns over. He sticks out his crooked thumb. Eighteen-wheelers fly by, almost blowing him over. The highway air is dry, his eyes even dryer. Thad Thack blacks out from dehydration. The few drivers who notice his body lying by the road just assume he's supposed to be there and think no more.

Back story:

Thad showed up unannounced at his aunt's house. They had a good relationship, but she was worried that he and his dad had a bad fight. He hung around her for a couple of days and learned enough to withdraw two thousand dollars from her bank account. He had worked with a landscaping crew job to job and saved six hundred dollars cash. He didn't say anything to his father, didn't leave a note, just left on a bus. The nine years since his mother died, living with his father in a shack, going to a dumb school, and working to eat and party, had been long and full of spite, regret, grief, envy, delusion, and boredom.

Sounds sad, don"t it? He breaks it all. He breaks himself. He becomes a piece of the rubble of the landscape of his society. That's how we do. It could be better.

keepp....

bbbbbb

Slacker Drifter Email Aaaron Lonergan

Arran, granola cereal

Sicks Puppy Cock

First National Air Raid Siren

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Candlewind

I found everyone to be quite boring,
so I wrote a silly story.
It involved two gay men watching each other
fall apart on a candlewind.

I found the whole world to be quite boring,
so I tried writing nothing.
Let's just try to cancel plans.
Let's just try to cancel plans before we make them.

Let's sit outside and watch the wind
blow people past our candle stand.
Men fall over end to end,
burning shorter till they can't,
all extinguished by the wind.