Dreams

January Day Christmas 2009

There's a still room for you.

Come in.

Patrick and I play mini golf at an empty fancy country club. Everything is plain and green. Pete Hornberger tries to tell my brothers and I something about Mom in a roundabout way. I realize he is saying that she died because she was really sick. I tear up, I think I can see myself, my face distorts. I can't handle this news. It surprises me. We're in a different small city. Sort of familiar. Oldish white stone buildings on Main St.
Mom drives me and Tim down a highway out of town. There are trees on either side. She tells about someone she works with, who commutes over 150 miles to work every day. Mom and I get into a huddle and start to calculate how much she pays in gas, if she get's 20 miles a gallon, then we try to remember what she drives.
Good Friday
I am on a large wooden deck in the backyard of a rich family. A toddler boy walks up the stairs to me holding what I think is a toy grenade. Over near the playground his father casually explains that it's a live grenade, and I panic and grab it, but I think I drop it, then the father tosses it onto a pointed metal pole. The grenade is pierced and slides down, stops at the bottom, then releases air from the hole and flies up off the top. This is not explained, but I guess it wasn't real. There are two girls playing on the playground, swinging maybe. The father does something with the wooden swing set and water falls out of it like rain. The are two smaller swings with feminine products or something on the seat that their mother put there for the girls. I want to swing but not touch the stuff.
Ash Wednesday

Dream

A cafeteria in the dark I am sitting with Aaron maybe, talking about kids to feed, one is very young, we need to find him and feed him. I don't know whose he is. The other is Max Damon's 15 year old son. I say that he is old enough to feed himself. Some sort of river resort deck right on the river, daytime, I use a pole fishing rod and see a pale fish thru clear water. I hook it in a second. I lift it out of the water and smack it against a tree and the deck to kill it. It is more brutal and takes longer than I would expect.

So

Freee Wrrritteeee, Yaaaa! [ one the most crazy ones I have done ]

I can type whoever or whatamever I am what or>!?!>!>!<><!>.. I am going to KIILL Aron! He is lifting his eyebrows now in the bathroom at the mirror with facecream!!!!! He is clearing his throat because he has control over his actions and thoughts and he carefully decides what is good and write in the foolish slucking funny foolish funny fucking slurry flunnpy werild.

He asks me qwestions and I defy his brain parts!!! I am a devilish meandering moman asking the woirld to peel back to the eyelids of the stupid ugly parts of the unfriendly brain inside your human humpty fat sucking frome his head hees home homage fromage freekins green cheese brain rot fart death pigs and arf arf.

ART. Fukkkkkinnnnnnnnnggg, Three silent G's. G'E'S'... The werild is slow to yodel to learn the ways of the old ways in the time we live in today then yesterday.


We all have problems. You know you can't be afraid. You know it has to be good to be difficult to complete or you never get started and you know it's worthless you stupid face you know it has to be horrible and ugly to get the day done it has to be better than you you dumb fat human hog fat lady singing ugly four quintets over the human plains on the raange raising cattle and farms and dumb farmers with chicken fat penises and shredded milk and boiling cow intestines.


My left ear hurts. I think. I am. I like to play games. I like OFF and Mother 3 most of all right now. I think they teach me more creative wonderful things about life and myself and humanity and what we all are doing here and why and why it is imperative to do this and this in these ways so that we are better than the worst possible versions of anything ever existing you know here why then how it is now nkow and k know... You know, hear?

I read aaron's letter from last year. I think he has an aquarium in his skull. There are fish in there that kill his useless thots with laser bolts like slaughterhouse of vanity and killing humans with mind raping organ guns that spit god's luminous semen in the eyes of us dark plain sad hunks of machine labor test models.


Now I understand myself. Now i understand I stand under the reason that I am here because someone put me here and my destiny is to quell the superficial hunger that eats people in their good happiness. I would be happy but there is no time.

I ate orphans for christmas I aborted the guts of thousands of women in Nairobi in a dumpster with a pen and a bottle of tomato sauce...

Thay all thenk me and I cheerfully waltz away into the hotel hottub grinning with their leather wallets in my pearly perfect chompers biting hard and winning because I am my own man mortal and satisfying because I peer hard into my soul's soul and I find the nuggets of truth that separate us from the dregs of the universe like meerkats and urchins and fetuses and lions and eagles and nosferatu and sponges and stars and electric eels and crocodiles and chimpanzees and B152757100943, specimens and crawfish.

I am sleepy. I kill my human love. I love free kids. I love to hope that I am human to face the consequences and grip myself by the testicles and squeeze like there is no future kuz jesuz is coming back again n he is gonna tell us all what the dealio ... run.