working on house construction, the frame is done, roof on, someone and i are pushing something like a refrigerator across the ground trying to hook it up,

Dream

I'm at

Dream

I got an email from a performer asking me to bartend a party with only soft drinks. It paid $10 and $10 later for gas. I decided not to do it. Later I was walking in a city, the area looked like UT. I saw a show happening, and looked inside. It was the party I had turned down, so I went inside. There was a large room with maybe 20 people in it and a stage at the far end. A guy in drag wearing several highheeled shoes on one foot, so that he was on a stilt, and holding something long, danced for us and some people in the crowd danced. I ended up wearing the same things as the performer, and for his finale he did a one handed handstand and yelled out that no one else was doing it, then he saw me doing it too. There was one other guy in the room then. Then the performer took off some of his costume and sat in chair with some others at a table on the stage. I went to him and talked. He was the one who sent the email. He had large bones and looked middle eastern.

hafta think bout it.

Slow Transition toward Infinity

Are eternity and timelessness the same?

"I'm glad God is alive." I'm reading The Confessions of St. Augustine. I do not know which I feel more deeply, that God must exist for anything else to exist, or that everything just exists without need for God.

We are even smaller than we seem. What is distraction? If everything was answered, what would happen next, what else is would there be to do? That thought is not helpful. We will never know everything. Everything will never be solved. Nothing will ever be perfect, so there will always be something to do. Some things should be done more than other things. Some things are more important and deserve more attention than other things. It is a critically important decision. How will I spend my living time? Which things deserve my attention? Are they material things? Are they ideas? Is it a combination? Are balance and order the most important goals? How are balance and order achieved? What is the relationship between my emotions and my thoughts? Should I try to control one more than the other? Are they the same things? Will I always harbor conflict between my natural instincts and my learned morals and behaviors? Is this life a constant struggle? Is this blog helping me? Are these thoughts and questions making anything less confusing, more clear?

I cannot say. I have to think bout it. Meditation, things become clear, when my mind becomes clear. I have to lay on the floor. I have to be at peace. I have to purify myself. I have to complete subtle transitions toward wholeness, purity. I have to be less proud, more honest..

before the last one, yes.. t... p.... t... whuss

Have to say some horrible things. I want to fuck m y mother. YOu push I'll go. at 11:47. Get fuckin drunker than shit fuck in a dick hole retard labia, suck, butts.

greg great super great... fronk... fupper, blubbper... fogiyoerspiqjbvxfgpuryp... that is how my goaesssss

DAHDDAY!?

Lost any good balls! today Dahdday?! Can you feel my balls! in Space,man?!

Thast it.

Leg up

My legs won't wake up.

You don't have to know anything about me in order to swear upon my mother's grave.

I have Indian padding in my birthday. There is something smelly about my fish pants.

I don't know anything about you, but I still swear upon your mother's grave.

knot know

thot it was 4 but it is but i thot it was 5 but it is just below four in the morning.... I don t know how to live here. i canoot go to sleep. I cannot live here much longer. I cannot see iron man 3 today because i have to sleep instead. i have to text tim and maybe mom too, i hope they dont really care. i do not care about my own life. i have to stare at the keyboard to type this. i am not a good typer. i can do something well, but i have ever hardly tried to to do many things ever then not really u didnt do that much in the 45 years from since you had to be alive in the times since you were conceived like a baby. i am afraid of the cars and the people and the blunt hard objects and shrp tools and heavy machines and fast moving things and high places and crazy people and guns and weapons and drugs and peoples.... i do want to die, but not until i figure something out about tonight. i do not want to go to sleep.

i thought about the graphic novel for tim and i. I got excited abut the land living space story. a tree i thought of titles. Ten home tree. magic tiny magic animals spirits. people like me, like me, i am like me, i like me. I love dodger leigh. she head her head she thinks and said her thoughts. she is a nice real person and i love who she is online. I am her when i see the life she lived on the internet, it is repeated living long forever, young and able. evrything. it is very late. very late. I do not want to see iron man. I have to be an answer seeker. I have to find an answer and make an answer the words are annoying. keyboards are dirty. im dirty my dirt is dirty my life and mind and love are dirty. Learn to be what i am. I think i am better now for not sleeping but i do not know how much of a choice this has beeen. It is almost 430 am, and i do not know how i came where i came i am came to the tv the life the world, i came from here. i dont know what i am or what is the real thing, or what is real or how to say perfectly the things i think about, i think around all idea that i think i dont think directly to the idea of existence, why is this, what is the reason, why do this, what is it to do, why do that, why not that, where did this come from, why is anything? Just those things, I cannot say them, type them, by my voice, by my self, my mind, my being. noose around my teeth, broken everything, everyone is mean, mean things are mean to everyone who is nice, so convoluted thought, too many words to say no thing, to say what i am being now, to say what i think is the right real now thing. I think dodger is me, i have been thoroughly explained. thru the do of science and makers and creators and explainers, and they have been hard at work. what does the difference make? what does it matter? is there any reason. i do knot know any people. I am feel more alone. inside me i am eternal of alone, and then i live around everyone and we all know the same life and we all live a new different life, our lives are never the same, the nature of the reality we live according to our tests of the reality and of our selves... i do knot know... How much are they what is a real person? do we do anything right? is this what we are? how do we control ourselves? how do we imagine what to be, and then make them of our mind the us of now in reality... does something?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? this is only explain, i can do this. I have to try. This is an option. This has to be correctted. Correct fact. I am making sure that this is real. I am true to the state of me now. i have to change. Will to survive. Will to change. Change survive to thrive, do not be fake. Be better. You can do better. I am god, I will be like god. I will be like the purpose of all of us doing these things for a very good reason, because we have to and we want to. I need to slow down. I have to change the thing, the thing I am. I am going to realize that I am doing this for life for the real life that we have to live because it is us and we have one choice that we have to choose, or there is the awful love of nothing and the flat reality of now.... We are going there to the round edges, we are seeing below the bottom and we are getting to the pinnacle of the other side, the side behind the side we imagine as the other side, the infinite loop of knowing and accepting and remembering and looking and finding with a feeling that lives beyond and behind us when we feel ourselves... nice, you win. Youre a winner, you find a life that is perfect in every phuggin weigh.... OK, I was serious, but now I am done funnyjoking around with the time.... What am i... bye